The context makes it worse, but I’m just trying to gauge how fucked up normal people would find this, because being raised by this kind of person messed with my calibration.
The context makes it worse, but I’m just trying to gauge how fucked up normal people would find this, because being raised by this kind of person messed with my calibration.
He has been sexually abused by her, perhaps covertly. There is enough in what you described that if I was a mandated reporter, I’d be making a call. From what I know of CSA, he has multiple flags and signs of being sexually abused (nearly every sentence you wrote, actually). Kids don’t run around with their genitals put like that, chasing people, unless they were abused. Literally every developmentally delayed perskn I’ve known to do that ended up being sexually abused. Did he bed wet or soil his bedding at night as well, well into older age, eg middle school age, when he shouldn’t have been doing that?
Highly recommend, when you feel okay to do so, to look up emotional incest first, and parentification/adultification. That will explain how your mother has been grooming your brother to be her stand-in husband. The reason she didn’t want him to go to school is because a husband her age wouldn’t go to school (they are also full of mandated reporters - did she also avoid taking him to doctors and dentists?).
It sounds like your mom also had an emotionally incestuous relationship with you as well, so reading that material can be extremely “triggering” for you. My sincere condolences, it is very traumatizing. Reading about it can bring up old memories as your brain tries to organize old memories with this new information. Often people get tired, agitated, or even regress in age. Give yourself plenty of time to mentally adjust and read and lots of breaks outside walking around, ideally in nature, w eyeballs moving around and looking up at trees or clouds. OR you can try to play a game like Tetris afterwards (Tetris is specifically studied as being helpful for PTSD/trauma).
I will also rec the book The Borderline Mother, I’m not sure this applies to her at all, but my guess is that it does
https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/comments/1gle1x1/my_summary_of_understanding_the_borderline_mother/
And if it does, also recommend the book Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist. Likely you already do much of this which is why you’re the “black sheep” (aka you dont give her supply).