Right now, I am honest-to-God trying to get better. I know there’s something wrong with my brain and I’m trying to fix that. I try to be as supportive as I can to LGBTQ+ people and I don’t mind if they outright say “I’m gay/bi/whatever” or “I have a [partner/spouse of the same gender]” but something about having to hear about romantic or sexual stuff with two women really doesn’t sit right with me, especially with “yuri” or having lesbian relationships portrayed on TV. However, “yaoi” and gay relationships on TV I find awesome and cute, I’d say. Men, I find attractive, though, so that could be why. If a guy talks about his romantic or sexual encounters with another guy, I don’t mind at all.
While trying to convince myself I was bi or pan, I would hang out with a lot of straight women, crush on only guys, and even hang out with homophobic women.
In high school, my best friend was a homophobic and transphobic girl who relentlessly bullied one of my bully victims: a trans man. I tried to convince the guy it was his fault he got bullied, but I have matured and see the best “friend” was just an asshole.
Please, no judging, I am only curious.
Yeah, not wanting to see lesbians on tv is definitely homophobia of some sort. On the other hand, since you are conscious of it, it is a rather inconsequential, and you shouldn’t feel that bad about it. Just try to slowly be more comfortable seeing things that you would be comfortable if it was a straight couple.
If you still feel a visceral reaction to two adults of any kind being intimate, then i feel like that is some residual bigotry.
It sounds like you want to be a good person, so that’s what is most important.
That being said, if you want to get over your biases against homosexual women, i would suggest exposure therapy or talking with a real therapist.
This kind of conditioning is hard to undo.
Sorry, that’s plain wrong. No one gets a choice as to what attracts or repels them.
What a repulsive thing to think.
Go to therapy.
OK. I’ll ask you what I ask homophobes.
Tell me about the time when, as a teen, you choose who and what to be attracted to. Whatever your sexual needs and foibles, when and how did you choose them? What about things that turn you off? That was also a decision!
You sound exactly like a homophobe. “They made that choice!”
It’s okay to be personally uncomfortable with whatever; the important part is to not make it anyone else’s problem. Be honest with yourself and just don’t be a dick.
If we are honest with ourselves, we all have biases that end in -phobia. They are on a siding scale and get more pronounced in certain situations. The assholes in society don’t gaf about their biases and don’t care if they say or do hurtful things as a result. The more enlightened people know about their lizard brain biases and try their best not to act on them.
Maybe you are a bit homophobic. But you are aware of your biases and you can make sure you don’t act on them in a way that is hurtful to other people. Knowing is half the battle. So don’t beat yourself up over it. From what I’ve been reading in your post you are doing it right.
Lesbian relationships on TV and in other media are often portrayed with a male gaze and/or fetishising. Do you think that that might play a role in making you feel uncomfortable?
It’s very hard to tell from the outside what’s the cause of the way you’re feeling. But I guess the best thing you can do is to try to improve and to keep investigating your emotions.
Honestly, just my two cents. I would say that you used to be homophobic or kind of are, but are trying to get better. That’s good. You also don’t seem to, from what I know, openly hate on LGBTQ+ people for who they are. While you hung out with bullies who were bigots in high school, you were young and you’ve grown from that. That doesn’t excuse being homophobic/transphobic “by association” and not being opposed to homo/transphobia, but you have probably changed.
no shame in asking!
tbh I used to be the opposite of you. 2 men together was just kinda weird. not in a “that’s wrong you’re going to hell!!! 😡😡” kinda way, moreso just something in my brain thought it was kinda off-putting about it. I was raised by a really homophobic mom and grandparents as well as toxic discords that didn’t properly portray what being gay is like, that 100% had something to do with it.
however, I found women snuggling together so cute and wholesome, like the best thing in the world. Like wholeheartedly cannot understand how anybody would be against it. I felt like really inferior as if never be half of worth to have an experience of anything like that.
Over time as I got more experience with gay men my view kinda shifted and I think it’s really wholesome and I am really happy that people can be with who they want to be and it’s really sweet.
however… I am now a woman… and attracted to women… so that explains that
also my dad is gay and was his whole life.
In my opinion, bigotry is more like a cognitive bias than a wrong idea. That is it’s extremely difficult to get that stuff out of your head, and the effective strategy is to acknowledge that you’ve got bias and try to correct for it.
What kind of vapid shit is this? Its like bots are posting bullshit relationship drama bait.
People are allowed to ask honest questions and IMO this seems like one. If more people exercised self-reflection like this we might live in a better society.
What is the point in having a nostupidquestion community if you call people out for asking questions? Just ignore it and move on if you do not like it.
There are no stupid questions but there are vapid questions seeking validation over unimportant, meaningless and biased interpersonal relationships.
These people aren’t here to learn something they’re here to get a pat on the back. It is disgusting and shallow.
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