My mom told me I should “go outside more often” so my depression can “go away”, but honestly how the fuck is that supposed to help, just one glance at the news headlines is enough to just discourage me from going outside.
(For context: we’re a non-white family of immigrants)
Like she asked me “do [I] want to just never go anywhere”, I’m like: I do, I wanna go visit Canada, I wanna travel the world, but I don’t wanna get stuck in some airport because border people are being a dick. I am a US Citizen, so to others I probably sound paranoid af since “there’s nothing to worry about” they say, but like… c’mon, I have anxiety and depression, how do I even control the emotions of fear that’s drowning me?.
My mom said since my dad isn’t a citizen and he doesn’t fear the current political atmosphere, that I’m “being a coward” for fearing this so much. And because in her mind she sees me as this coward, and therefore is discussing about leaving me out of the will and leaving me with nothing, because I’m this “coward” this “useless person” that don’t deserve to have anything. Because of depression and anxiety, she sees me the same way as people typically view mentally-challenged people. As if I’m just some hideous being. She says that if I can’t even have the courage to “go outside often and be a ‘normal’ human being”, I wouldn’t be able to handle/manage the assets/investments they have. (Small bussiness, won’t go into detail about it) Like no I have already helped her managed some of those stuff for a few years back when I was younger and didn’t have depression. I am capable of doing it, just depression is killing me. So now I’m not worthy anymore.
Is my excuse just pathetic? Like idk maybe I would’ve used another excuse in the other election timeline. But sure mom, “medications are bad”, “just go outside”, ffs my head hurts so much. This timeline definitely aint helping.
Sorry for the depression post, I don’t have anyone to talk to, so I’m just yelling into the internet void.
Going outside more often won’t fix your depression, but staying inside will make it worse. I know “go exercise” is a cliche, but it is one for a reason. Laying in bed or sitting behind a desk all day is terrible for your mental health. Where I live there were lockdowns during COVID and they proved disastrous for the public’s mental health (not denying they were the right choice overall though).
I’m not in America, so I can’t ascertain the risk you’re exposed to when going outside right now. However, while I disagree that the current political atmosphere is not a reason for concern, I do think your family might be right that avoiding going outside all the time is unnecessary.
So, try going outside more often. A short walk at least once a day is a good start. Good luck.
Also in case you aren’t familiar, I recommend watching “7 Ways to Maximize Misery”.
Being depressed inside is the same as being depressed outside. Your feelings and emotions don’t change whether you’re inside vs outside. However, there is science that sunlight can help produce serotonin. Which might temporarily improve your mood. But it will not “fix” the root cause of your depression
Anecdotally, my mental situation is notably better when I can get out and exercise or just be active outside. It doesn’t make the world’s problems go away but it does do some chemical stuff in the brain that helps. Sometimes just a change of location can help break that negative feedback loop too which helps improve things.
A common “self soothing” technique (depression, anger, negative feelings) is to take a short walk outside.
A new environment / context can make it much easier to get out of a negative thought loop or spiral.
First, your mom is being toxic af and you are not a coward. However, she is not wrong that going outside can help with depression. It likely won’t “cure” you as it sounds like you are in a difficult situation, but it can be helpful to take short walks every day.
That being said, the ICE shit is scary af. I’m not American but I worry every single day for my family members living there. We are Mexican and the fear, IMO, is warranted, because they don’t even seem to care about legal status. I’ve been avoiding visiting for this same reason, and will not go down there until I feel it is safe to do so.
From my understanding though, they are not everywhere as much as social media makes them seem. My uncle and cousin down there (Chicago and San Diego) go about their regular days and even travel between the US and Mexico frequently and tell me they still feel safe doing so.
Even if you don’t go outside, I would highly, HIGHLY recommend disconnecting from social media for a while or limiting your intake. The difference I feel mentally when my usage goes from like 2-4 hrs down to ~30 mins or less is huge. Find another hobby like crafting or even video games if you don’t feel safe doing stuff outside yet.
Lastly, also, I said this to you a few days ago and will say it again, YOU MATTER. You are not a coward & being afraid of this insane fucking world is a reasonable response. I hope you can escape your parents house soon. You got this!
My gut instinct is that your mother may be wanting something else but doesn’t know how to put it into words. Not to say that she right, but I can definitely relate to that emotion.
Speaking as a person who is close to someone who is depressed, there is a sort of mental drain and negativity-by-diffusion associated with being near someone who is depressed, and it’s really difficult to put into words. I can know full well that depression is a clinical illness and that the other person can’t help it, but I will still get frustrated over their inability to match my energy.
If your depression and anxiety are as limiting as you say they are, it may be a good idea to talk to a therapist and get some medicine for that. Speaking from my own observations, you can definitely fight depression, but only to a small extent. Severe depression and anxiety are debilitating to the point where you will need medicine just to get close to what a regular person might feel
Dude, I feel you there. Also, your parents seem to rather keep up appearances than to help their son. That’s toxic.
You shouldn’t have to fight this shit on your own. I hope you’re able to find like-minded people online that have a personal understanding of what you’re going through and are good examples heading in the right direction.
Oh, and it is a scary time to be outside nowadays. You’re more aware of what’s going on, it seems, than your folks.
I think it depends on where you live and what going outside means. It’s not good out there right now for minorities, but it’s worse in some locations. If you live in Portland or Chicago, then yea, for sure keep your head down. It all comes down to your risk tolerance. Not every single minority is being rounded up and deported. There are hundreds to thousands of minorities that have been abducted out of the millions that live in the US. Statistically speaking, you will probably be just fine, but there is a chance things get bad.
As a white man, my opinion does not carry much water since I obviously do not have the same problems and I know that I come from a privileged position. So take this with a grain of salt, but if you’re not in one of the hot spots, I think you need to get out and try to live your life, but keep your head on a swivel. Idk that leaving the country and trying to get back in is the best choice, but there are probably 10s of thousands of people like you that travel abroad every day.
Your mother is approaching this poorly and callously, but there is some level of truth to it. If the plan is for you to run the family business some day, then you do have to be able to take the necessary risks, like going out, to be able to do that effectively. That said, I go through bouts of depression and it is crippling, so I have empathy with your situation. It’s easy for someone not depressed to tell you to just be happy and live like normal, but that’s not reality.
With everything you’ve said, it sounds like you first and foremost need to seek help for your depression. That could be therapy, anti depressants, or a combination. Personally, I am in a much better place when I can get out and be active and exercise. So your choices come down to staying inside, do nothing, and live in your negative feedback loop, going out to seek professional help for your mental health, or going out, being mindful of your surroundings and taking on extra risk that may help you mentally. That could mean going out and walking the block in your neighborhood, or find a secluded nature trail somewhere where ICE won’t be patrolling.
All in, it’s not a black and white situation and you need to decide if you’re in a better place hiding out or if it would be better for you to do something else.
Those headlines aren’t reality, it’s hyperreality, outside is a whole different world from what the images you are being bombarded with. You only have one life to live, may as well experience it while you can.
just tell your parents to fuck off and stop all communication
get a job move out or try to leech from them more
if you try to talk to them or please them it will only get worse, they are bored they are playing with you
of course if they really need your help help them and move on fast
dont get kid while you are in any way dependent on them they will make your life helldeleted by creator
