Why YSK: some very dangerous people and organizations use love bombing as a strategy to manipulate and recruit people. Love bombing is often an early warning sign for a traumatizing relationship, so it’s helpful to be able to spot the signs.
What it Is
Essentially, it’s when someone showers you with love and attention. It often includes a lot of reassurance that you belong with someone or in a group. It can include gifts, flattery, praise, and it usually includes a lot of excitement about your future together or with a group.
The catch is that the love bomb goes away, and you become devalued after the love bomb. This is usually followed by a “discard phase”, where if you try to confront the behavior, you are rejected and made to feel at fault. After you’ve become upset by this, they will often start the cycle again to keep your loyalty.
There are some really key warning signs to look out for:
- They give you gifts, especially random gifts
- They want all of your attention
- They’re desperate for commitment from you
- You feel pressure to not tell them no
- They constantly talk about how much they love you, how special you are, etc.
- You feel flattered but uneasy around them
- They want to know a lot about you very quickly
- They emphasize how much better everything is when you are with them
Where can I spot it?
Love bombing is very common in abusive and manipulative relationships. It’s also often noticeable in cult recruiting, when members are trained to shower you with love and affection.
What can I do about it?
It can be good to seek help from a mental health professional if you’re already hurt from the effects of love bombing. If you’re in crisis, consider contacting a local crisis or emergency line.
If you notice signs of love bombing, there are some strategies that often work to keep people safe:
- set firm boundaries early
- stay grounded (i.e., take their praise with a grain of salt)
- ask, “what might they want from this interaction?”
- end a relationship if it’s not working
- give as little information out as possible at the start of a relationship
- ask an objective 3rd party how they feel about your relationship with this person or group
More resources
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/love-bombing https://www.choosingtherapy.com/love-bombing/
And as always, don’t forget that good people do exist. If the other party responds appropriately to you asking to set boundaries, then it’s probably not love bombing and might genuinely be something good.
I disagree. Good people love bomb. People that love bomb don’t always do it for nefarious (from their perspective) reasons.
This is true. You can be so wrapped up in your emotions you don’t even realize it’s too much. Self awareness is important.