So, hear me out.
I’m a 47 year old guy and I’m not ashamed to say that I enjoy video games. I always have, from playing Head over Heels on a Speccy +2 to ESO and Valorant on my self built PC.
Due to various life circumstances, I’m also on the dating scene and to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema. When I say that I like them it’s usually meet with an “oh dear” or a “my son would probably love to talk to you about them, I find them really boring”
I have two boys, both teenagers, both play all the time and sometimes we all play together (although they are better as they have more time to apply to games). Their friends are amazed that I will talk about games with them, that I know someone about games and that I play games. None of their parents want to talk with them about what is effectively their main hobby that they do all the time (big sad).
So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?
I don’t have an answer, I just think it’s an interesting question. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!
Edit to add: I’m not planning on stopping through peer pressure, just wondering about the phenomenon!
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It’s not a question of age, but of culture. Video game are no longer niche stuff for a handful of nerds. It’s a huge industry, like music or cinema.
People who say that games are childish are just trying to hide their ignorance.
I’m a 47-year-old female gamer.
I’m with you—I’m not going to allow peer pressure to get to me, but it’s obvious that people believe it’s childish. Fuck 'em. I think it’s a better hobby than mindlessly watching TV, for sure.
“what is the age cut off for socially acceptable fun having” is what I read. Do what you enjoy and anyone saying you shouldn’t do X, or you are too old to do Y aren’t the type of people I associate with. Just turned 30 and I never plan to stop.
Same with music too. Some people just don’t ever branch out to listen to new genres and keep listening to the oldies they did. Being open to new things instead of staying within the bubble of what peer groups says is acceptable seems the way to go to not become stagnant losing touch with what is going on in the world.
That’s a really interesting point about music and culture. Do you want to come along for the ride or did you get to your teens and cry “hold, enough”?
to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema.
You should be grateful for them filtering themselves out of your dating pool so quickly. Not all red flags are that obvious.
I’m a 51 year old woman who plays video games (including ESO, PC/EU). We exist. If there is some sort of arbitrary cutoff age when I’m supposed to stop gaming, I will be steadfastly ignoring that “rule”, if I haven’t already.
No such thing as a cut off age! I guess it’s down to personal preferences and you may find people who are into video games well into their seventies. I can definitely see my husband and myself playing MMOs in a retirement home 😂.
If the people you’re matching up with judge you for having a hobby which is no different than, say, watching TV series on Netflix, maybe you need to weed them out.
Yeah, this exactly. Use it as an opportunity to realise you’re not on the same page as this person and that’s fine. Better to be picky, imo. Live your best single life, only choose a partner who chooses all of you too.
Well here’s the thing: you’re an adult and as long as you’re not hurting anyone else, you can do whatever you want, forever.
Be 80 and play Fifa, it’s fine. There’s no age where you are obliged to put down your controller for the last time. But it shouldn’t be your first answer while you’re dating, and definitely not your only one.
Being a gamer, as an identity, has a lot of baggage.
Having gaming be your only interest or hobby is associated with being an unambitious self-interested person who intends to do as a little as possible, as long as possible. The recognisable games are marketed towards kids/teens with time to burn.
Imagine your date’s interest was “moderating Reddit”, “watching TikTok”, or “reading Instagram”. That’s what ‘gaming’ sounds like: your hobby is media consumption.
There’s no age where you aren’t allowed to consume media; but it’s worrying if that consumption is your identity, if consumption makes up your routine.
So it’s not actually about age - it’s about maturity and goal-setting.
When we’re younger, most of us live moment-by-moment. Media consumption offers no future, but it has a pleasurable present.
But as people age, people develop goals and interests that require more investment and focus, and they’re looking for people that are doing the same. A cutthroat economy demands people develop goals for financial stability, even if they still otherwise like games.
As we age, we stop looking for somebody to hang out with, but to build a life with.
So once the people you’re talking to have interests for the future, “I enjoy my present doing my own thing” doesn’t offer them anything. If they don’t play games, they don’t even know what games are capable of. Maybe one day they’d enjoy playing Ultimate Chicken Horse with you.
But right now, they just see the recognisable titles that want to monopolise children’s time, and assume you’re doing that. They picture you spending 20+ hours a week playing Fortnite. And there is an age cut-off where it’s no longer socially-acceptable to be a child.
It’s not that video games are bad, but they’re a non-answer. They want to know what you do that’s good, and a non-answer implies you don’t have a good answer at all, and that makes video games ‘bad’.
I agree that it shouldn’t be the only thing you do, but if somebody dismisses your interests while they know almost nothing about it - then good riddance. Reading books is media consumption and a very broad statement as well - is that a non-answer too?
Also I bet it’s not like these people are curing cancer or feeding starving orphans in their free time.
I think the distinction is that reading books implies you might have interesting discussions about ideas or themes. Video games do not imply that.
The reality is that there is a lot of excellent discussion in video game themes - Spec Ops: The Line, or dystopias like Cyberpunk 2077. Games have been political for as long as they’ve had any narrative structure at all. But video games have a reputation (and history) of being children’s toys, and the only people who understand their narrative power are also gamers.
Compare somebody who claims their hobby is watching arthouse films, versus somebody whose hobby is watching TikTok. They’re both watching videos play in front of them, but the assumption is that the former is consuming the content with a critical eye and learning from it; the latter is merely consuming it for shallow entertainment. The reductionist conclusion is that ‘Arthouse viewer’ can hold a conversation; ‘TikTok viewer’ cannot.
Then it’s dismissal due to somebody’s ignorance. If you are talking to this person, who knows nothing about games - why can’t they ask you to elaborate instead of assumptions? I feel like people are playing games with each other instead of just talking and being genuinely interested - and that is truly childish.
I agree, but you’re asking people to stop being people - and also removing the context of ‘dating’ from the equation.
Dating is work. First dates in particular are very much about first impressions - they’re not getting to know you on a deep level yet, they’re trying to build a quick profile to decide if doing so is even worth it. Such a process is all about assumptions, and anybody that claims it isn’t is not being honest with themselves.
I agree that as a couple get to know each other more, both of them should share their genuine interests with each other. It’s not about games being wrong or having to pretend you don’t like them (authenticity is important for building anything long-term).
But it’s recognising that they don’t look good in an interpersonal resumé, which is what the dating process is.
Add in OP’s demographic (47y man, seeking women), and gender roles in dating (men are initiators and women are selectors), which are still very entrenched in older generations. Men are expected to approach, escalate, and demonstrate what they offer her; women are expected to select from the many who approach them and assess if their intentions are positive or negative, if he’d make her life easier or harder.
Both genders have harmful expectations in dating: he is thirsty in the desert, she is drowning in the lake; they struggle to relate to each other’s roles or even covet them.
I bring this up because men in particular have additional pressure to have a really good resumé because it will be the make-or-break that decides if somebody with options will return interest. Video games have a stigma that make them a bad choice to put in a highlighted position on your proverbial resumé. You want your most impressive, relevant, or interesting answers at the forefront, and it looks bad if you don’t have any.
(It’s also entirely possible that ‘liking video games’ is not the real reason he is struggling with dating, but because the initial reaction he receives is often dismissive, he believes that it is.)
It’s also entirely possible that ‘liking video games’ is not the real reason he is struggling with dating, but because the initial reaction he receives is often dismissive, he believes that it is.
I mean, I’m an ugly bugger as well, maybe that’s counting against me 😂
There’s a huge self-selection bias in action here… Subscribe to gaming sub, find gamers haha.
Just be yourself dude. If the ladies don’t grok it, just let it slide. But you do need to find commonalities if you’re dating. So don’t bore them to tears about gaming if they don’t care – find something else in common to talk about. If they judge you, however, find someone else.
IMA stop right at the start, who gives a shit Play at any age ya want You shouldn’t be bound by anything but yourself
It might be an age thing - I’m 32, game as a hobby, and work in software. 80% of my coworkers play games to some extent, and most are in their twenties to mid thirties.
But when I used to work in healthcare, I think only a few of my coworkers shared the hobby.
Generally, I think the younger the generation is, the more acceptable and “normal” gaming is. It’s not a guarantee, but it’s definitely more common.
Edit: I’d just be yourself and do as you like. There’s definitely people out there who share your hobby. Some of the older members of a long-standing guild I’m a part of are in their 50’s or retired. I will say that the gender ratio skews mostly male for older gamers though. The women I know who are interested in games are all sub 40 (this is just a personal observation, your results may vary)
Thanks for the observations, I think you’re right it’s generational.
I have a feeling that if you worded it differently you’d improve the dating thing. If instead of “yeah, I like gaming” you said “my sons love videogames and we’ve been bonding a lot this way, it’s been a nice hobby to get all of us closer” the non-gamers might be able to empathize more and keep the conversation alive.
It’s not age related. It’s generational.
You’re at the end of Gen X (as am I), meaning most of the women of your age group that you’re probably dating didn’t really grow up around video games and probably still see them as a wasteful, childish pastime, which was the general, parochial view of our parents’ generation about our hobbies. (Sure, endlessly watch people play sports on television but never waste your time doing something you personally enjoy.)
Meanwhile, those even a few years younger than us grew up in a generation where more and more girls grew up with video games, have a more personal relationship with them, and understand the value of the hobby. That’s only increased with time.
My own wife, who is at the older end of the Millenials, grew up playing video games with her younger brothers but never had any real affinity for them. She’s never particularly cared about my gaming (something I do now with my daughter), though she’s never taken interest in playing anything herself.
Ultimately, you’ll probably just have to choose a better class of date.
That’s my thought as well, however here’s an interesting data point that might suggest otherwise:
https://www.statista.com/statistics/300513/gaming-by-demographic-group-uk/
Since it covers 8 years, which is the size of one of their cohorts, I would’ve expected the percentages to increase for a given age range over time, as that age gets taken over by a newer generation. With the exception of the COVID boom, though, the numbers have stayed pretty static, or decreased slightly, which doesn’t suggest a generational component.
It could be there’s too much noise in the data, a flaw in the survey method, or a change in understanding of what it means to be “a gamer,” but would contradict my assumption if true.
True, though that’s also the UK. They probably have a different attitude toward games than I’m used to and have any experience with. I’m mostly speaking from the viewpoint of different generations in American culture. There’s still a certain amount of viewing gaming as a wasteful pastime with no value that permeates multiple cultures even to this day.
I think the time to stop playing games is when you’re dead. Until then, nope. No cut off age. Why stop doing the things you enjoy. You should be free and comfortable doing anything you enjoy as long as it doesn’t negatively impact on anybody else’s life.
I’m in agreement with most here. There doesn’t need to be a cutoff age. My dad is in his 70s and is super excited for the new Final Fantasy coming out.
It took me a minute to come back around to gaming because, I thought being mature meant having different hobbies, or suppressing my desire to indulge in “childish” things. Hell, I was that dude that bailed on my friends who still played dungeons and dragons because we were supposed to be growing into mature adults and mature adults don’t play pretend.
Now I’m like, love the things you love.
Unabashedly.
It can be a little knife to your soul when you meet someone that you think you like and they belittle something you’re into, but, in my book, properly decent people don’t do that. Decent people don’t shit on you for being excited about something or for being interested in a hobby (unless your “hobby” is something that harms people or your environment). I like to think that decent people will try to understand what you like about the things you like.
It takes a lot for a person to be vulnerable and say, “this is a thing I like.” People who are worth your time will respect that vulnerability.
I’m impressed you can keep up with the kids playing Valo and Apex, I get dogwalked in most FPS games because I’m a slow old man. Lol.
