I just rub the nipples when I’m standing in the shower. I know, phrasing.

If you bought it without ads and it started showing ads, that would be a breach of contract.

Beach Boys!

When my cousin came to visit me for a week, she literally yelled “no!” and hit my cat when he jumped onto her lap.

A week later, she said “I think I want a cat.” Now she has a cat.

You obviously don’t know what liberal means. It means progressive, empathetic, leftist. We’re not talking about fiscally/economically liberal.

I get up.

Take that, bitches.

Ellen Booraem (YA, she’s great at writing books from a totally different angle), Oyinkan Braithwaite (she’s only written two books so far but they’re great), Katharine Kerr.

I lost my job thanks to people like you.

You’re not a liberal. I have a friend who thinks exactly the same and votes Trump. Benefit fraud is extremely low and even people who have 3 jobs can still be eligible for benefits because wages are much too low.

You’re fine with companies stealing other people’s work?

Transgender ladies who are on oestrogen and testosterone blockers aren’t any stronger or faster than cis ladies.

When you have an android phone you should also turn it off.

What other European country uses two round elections apart from France?

That I look ancient. My family tends to be well preserved, but I got chronically ill and look 10 years too old.

A drunk squaddie explaining social security and taxes to his fellow squaddies in a broad Glaswegian accent.

Although I suppose the craziest thing was getting out of King’s Cross while it was on fire, on a train that wasn’t supposed to stop.

Instant coffee has its uses, but it ain’t coffee.

Ayup. There’s such a thing as rich chavs (called bogans in Australia).

In Germany there’s a “previous price” button and they’re not allowed to first raise the prices. I just got a sweater I’d been ogling for months for less than half price.

You should have gone to the vet immediately, not waited to see if she died!

20 isn’t. 17 absolutely is. Wait at least 3 years.