(Okay I know I ask questions about family-topics a lot, so please forgive me if these get too annoying lol)
I remember when I was 8-12, I’d cuddle with mom a lot… I acted so childish…
I don’t remember my older brother ever cuddling with my mom… (for context: I’m also male, so it’s not a gender stereotype thing) My brother is 5 years older… but I don’t remember him ever being as clingy as I did when during at the same age.
I did this thing where I slept with my parents in their bed… yes I know very childish
I just feel really clingy and desired that parental protection a lot.
So like… even sometimes like when I was 13 or so, I sometimes still did that thing where I just went to my parents room and sleep in their bed… less often… but it’s often enough its in my memories. Like its a vibe thing. Somtimes I feel like yeah I wanna be left alone pls, then sometimes I feel like mama/baba I don’t wanna be left alone
And like I remember doing that during my middle school years…
I think in highschool, it became much much rarer. Only like once every few months or so
Don’t actually remember too much, memory is kinda blurry
Okay sorry if y’all cringe at me, but this is why I don’t feel very masculine for a male lol.
I feel like I’ve never really mentally grown up. Still don’t feel grown up.
And then my parents are shocked that I’m not ready to do adult stuff lol
Oh yea no drivers license :/ (working on it)
Sometimes I watch videos of adults with developmental disabilities and I’m like… damn why do I feel 50% like that sometimes?
I can kinda relate to stories of young adults with Autism Spectrums Disorders… well I don’t have a diagnosis and I probably do not have it, but I can relate to feeling similarly…
Like going to a store my byself is…
oh my god I just realized
I don’t even do that too often…
So… I get anxiety being in a store by myself…
I remember frequently when I was 15-20, if my parent were out of my sight for too long… I’d be in a smei-panic like… have they abandoned me? especially scary since I had no financial means to support myself… still sometimes feel this way…
Jeez why do I sound like I have a developmental disability or something… wait a minute… do I? 🤔
Sounds like you get a lot of help to do lots of things instead of being taught how to do it yourself. Naturally, you’re going to feel like “I get things done for me, that must mean I’m inadequate to do them by myself”, and this feeling causes you to be able to do less, feeling more inadequate, thus increasing the things done for you, thus making you feel more inadequate…
Basically it sounds to me like you’re perfectly able to do it “by yourself” if you actually had to. It’s “just” the fear holding you back.
That was kind of a semi related thing. About the orientation towards your parents: if your parents are loving, and you’re autistic in some sense, then it is very likely you have little, if any, friends and definitely don’t feel loved by anyone else. Rather you feel “different”, not fitting in, like people don’t want to build deep relationships with you. Where else are you going to get that feeling from then, apart from your parents? Of course you’re going to gravitate towards them.
Older siblings usually mature faster because they are typically pushed to be responsible for younger siblings in some form.
I my experience, the oldest child is forced to mature faster by being required to perform childcare duties, especially in families with many children.
Younger siblings basically “get to be a kid” longer than older ones.
This is unfair to both older and younger siblings for a myriad of reasons, but both are a failure of parenting, and society as a whole. The parents should not be forcing the dynamic, and society should not be putting parents in a position where they feel they have to.
As for “feeling immature” as an adult… That is entirely dependent on what you measure maturity by. My wife and I sing nonsense tunes at each other, sometimes just look up and go “QUACK!” for no reason. We have gone to a playground to go swinging. We have gone outside to play in the snow.
I didn’t get my first job without my mother’s help until 20. I didn’t get my license until 26. I didn’t get my first full time job until 33. I absolutely hate going to a store at all, let alone by myself. Although if I’m being honest I would rather go by myself since it’s faster and less chance of my wife grabbing 10 extra things because we passed the aisle and she went something snack-y.
Remember, “Autism Spectrum Disorder” is, as the name implies, a spectrum. As such everyone is on it. Most people are gathered in a general area area (the people who would be considered “normal” by someone who has a more traditional old way of thinking) I personally believe I’m a little further toward the “autism” side, based on a bunch of comparing my personal experience with others who are diagnosed. I don’t believe it’s that big a deal for me, as I am fully capable of functioning on my own as an adult.
A bit of armchair psychology, I’d wager you’re a bit like my wife and due to narcissistic and withholding parents you likely need more reassurance than the average person. This isn’t a failure on your part at all, and it’s not a “developmental disability” it’s just a bit of childhood trauma.
To answer more directly:
In my opinion, yes eldest siblings often mature faster. Feeling immature is probably normal, and maturity is a pretty vague notion in general. ASD in general isn’t as big a deal as many people think. If you’ll forgive me for saying so, your family kind of sucks.
being required to perform childcare duties
Oh… lol… yeah I remember…
My older brother got so annoyed that mom told him to pick me up from school…
I mean I remember somtimes I felt like: yay, my big bro like the feeling of brotherhood felt so great at times… then sometimes fightings happen and then the next day it’s like a cold war… like I felt like: oh no, he’s gonna beat me up
Like sometimes mom had arguments with him and he got mad at me because mom delegated the task for having to pick me up from school.
I sometimes felt so scared at all the arguing and I cry in my room…
oh yea I wonder why I can’t grown up… 🫠 such a mystery
My incredibly naive view on this is that with the first born the parents are full of energy and try their best to discipline (assuming the parents are not already dysfunctional human beings). When the next children come along they get progressively more tired and lax, or straight up angry and impatient. The younger kids then pick up these undesirable traits from their parents.
On the other end of the spectrum we have oldest siblings with some behavioral issues and the younger ones are like “nope, not gonna become like that myself”. I don’t feel like this group has the same controls as the other group from a study perspective.
Parents who maintain discipline with their kids through multiple kids are pretty rare and they are the unsung heroes of a civilization.
I have no sources on this except that it is this way in my family and the families of my parents friends.
