I cook at home because of restaurant prices and tip culture. Driving everywhere sucks. Everything feels miles away so good luck walking.

  • FuglyDuck@lemmy.worldEnglish
    57·
    2 months ago

    What do you enjoy doing that’s not work and not “adulting”?

    Find a hobby. Then find a group that shares that hobby. Clean up a park day, maybe.

    Or find a charity or nonprofit that needs volunteers.

    The local library probably has things going on, too.

    Find a third space whether it’s the magic the gsthering shop and shop tournies or church or a knitting circle ran by the local yarn shop.

  • Zephorah@discuss.online
    38·
    2 months ago

    Work and shared hobbies. I recently went to buy some hardwood from a work colleague. We don’t even work the same shift but they’re fond of asking what I’m building or showing me what they’re building because who else are they going to talk to about their hobby (I imagine).

    We’re not friends, but there’s this hobby. I get there and it’s not a mere business transaction nor do we talk work. It almost had a kid feel to it. Like when you crossed the hedge to the yard of the kid next door and he welcomes you because it’s more fun if you can show off and share your toys. Only as adults. Kudos on reclaiming a small piece of that.

    Adulthood is such a roadblock sometimes.

  • scarabic@lemmy.worldEnglish
    281·
    2 months ago

    Volunteer. Audition for community theater. Get a job. Join a hiking group. Take an adult learning class. Download a dating app. Get yourself out there.

    • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
      69·
      2 months ago

      it’s a good way to meet new people. i do many of those things. none of them are good for meeting young single women.

      where i live young single women are entirely focused on hanging out in bars, restaurants, and traveling. They don’t do hobbies or volunteering. the women who do that stuff are usually older or married or lesbian.

      • scarabic@lemmy.worldEnglish
        51·
        2 months ago

        I was responding to OP asking about friends and relationships, so not just “young single women.” But I did also say try a dating app. Singles is pretty much all those are for.

        Obviously no one can give you town-specific suggestions but are bars and restaurants the only things women do you where you live? I’d be very surprised if that’s true.

  • TrackinDaKraken@lemmy.worldEnglish
    222·
    2 months ago

    For me, it was always through work. Meeting co-workers after work, and meeting other people that way.

    You do need to make an effort, though, instead of excuses.

      • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
        5·
        2 months ago

        Yep. I’m exhausted after work, but when I spend some time after work biking I find I’m less exhausted after work once I’ve gotten used to it. Then add social events and yeah, I might need a day of rest regularly, but I also need to get out and do stuff regularly.

        Also, learning to flirt is hard and vital. You will make an ass of yourself. Eventually though you get good at it. I’m an awkward dweeb with crap social skills, and yet after learning to flirt and years practicing I’ve managed to find myself making out with strangers on nights out every once in a while. The vital addendum is learning to chat with strangers and have a good time without it going further. Once again, awkward weirdo, but I’ve had so many lovely evenings out chatting with people I may or may not see again. It’s fun and results in a good reputation.

          • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
            4·
            2 months ago

            I think starting flirting not expecting anything but practice is also valuable. I mostly flirt catch and release these days, and I think it’s best to understand that the goal is to learn to have fun with it. Even when married you should be flirtatious with your spouse, so learn to love it.

              • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
                3·
                2 months ago

                Idk I find intentionality valuable in flirting, it’s just that my intent is to flirt and if it goes from there well then that’s fun. A sly smile with the compliment, then paying attention to see the tone of her response… it’s a game and it’s in some ways unique compared to telling a stranger I like their outfit (which I also do non flirtatiously).

                “What can I say to make them like me” is the far more juvenile framing. It’s one I’ve seen especially beginners fall into. Instead framing flirtation as a (metaphorical) playful whisper of interest. It should be like a scent you wear: light, discretionarily used, inviting, and yourself. You’re not casting a spell to make them like you, you’re simply inviting them to come and see what could happen if they’re interested.

                But all that is more the intermediate level. The only real secret is that people like spending time with people with whom they enjoy the time they spend with.

      • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
        11·
        2 months ago

        the problem is people watch social media all day and expect everything to be easy and instant like it is on there.

            • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
              26·
              2 months ago

              No, that’s my life experience. No woman from a dating app has ever wanted to be my friend unless she was trying to get in my pants and I wasn’t into her.

              You are a woman clearly, you have a lot more social luxury and I bet you 100% all the ‘male friends’ you met on dating apps are secretly hoping one day you will ‘wake up’ and date them.

              Men and women can be friends, but not from a dating app where the intention is attraction and sex. I have lots of female friends but I am not attracted to them.

                • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
                  15·
                  2 months ago

                  So manipulate people I meet on dating apps to date their hotter friends?

                  Now you’re just arguing for dishonestly and manipulation. Nice. So upstanding.

                  I’m not isolated from society. I just don’t use people on dating apps or treat them like social commodities. The fact you think in such dicthomies is alarming. You’re either socially isolated, or you need to use people.

                  Where I stand I have honest and healthy relationships. I don’t go around trying to acquire people like Pokemon and I certainly don’t use dating apps for a social life.

  • Modern_medicine_isnt@lemmy.world
    18·
    2 months ago

    Coed recreational sports team. Lots of them are mostly social with a little bit of sports tossed in. And almost all of them are looking for more players.

    • unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de
      7·
      2 months ago

      Bouldering is the goat sport for this. Lots of little downtime in between routes which leaves room for talking. But you also always have something to talk about and compliment etc.

  • quick_snail@feddit.nl
    181·
    2 months ago

    Sell the car. Move into a tiny 3br apartment with roommates in a walkable city.

    Date your roommate’s friends. They’ll date yours.

    Change roommates occasionally.

  • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
    181·
    2 months ago

    Get a hobby, go to events, find social circles, and drink at the sort of bars you can chat with strangers at.

    I met my wife at a dungeon, but I know that’s not to most people’s tastes.

  • blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works
    172·
    2 months ago

    Imagine finding the perfect partner, getting married, moving in together etc.

    Now that you’re married and that’s all settled, where do the two of you go for fun? Where do the two of you go to get out of the house?

    Go there.

      • lovely_reader@lemmy.world
        5·
        2 months ago

        Upon closer reading, I think the key was imagining what you’d do with a future partner. No one imagines how much nothing they’re really gonna do nowhere

  • BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today
    13·
    2 months ago

    The house next door is empty and up for sale. I happened to see a real estate agent and a couple in the driveway, and she waved to me, in a sort of inviting way, so I went over and helped her pitch the house a little, telling them that the previous people were really great, kept up the house nice, did lots of upgrades, the street is really friendly and meets at the neighborhood pool every morning, etc.

    The wife asked if there were any musicians, and I raised my hand. She asked what instrument, I said guitar, and she pointed to her husband, and said “So does he.” I said " Please buy this house!"

    Yesterday, I heard the house is in escrow, and we’ll have new neighbors soon. I hope it’s the guitarist, I would love a guitar buddy, I literally have NOBODY to play with.

    • LordCrom@lemmy.world
      1·
      2 months ago

      This. I miss being in a band. Did this in high school and college. We played local clubs and bars. It was fun.

      But as an adult, who can find 3other people willing to play at all, or even commit to a 1 hour get together to practice… Performing is probably never going to happen again.

      • BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today
        1·
        2 months ago

        I don’t even need a whole band. I have a bunch of recording gear, so I’m always laying out a drum track, doing a rhythm guitar track offer that, then the bass line, then I usually go back and for a different rhythm track with the new bass line, then start soloing over that.

        So if I can find a buddy, we can lay down the drum, bass, and rhythm guitar track all at once, then start trading solos over that. Or maybe just acoustic duets. We’ll figure it out.

  • Sunsofold@lemmings.world
    13·
    2 months ago

    Best answer I’ve ever had for this was ‘find something to support.’ It can be anything. Just find a space where you have people trying to do something for the benefit of others with some bare minimum cost of entry. The group coming from people trying to help others will bias it toward nicer people. The cost of entry, even something small like $5/mo or physically present volunteering, deters anonymous trolling.

    The other good option is classes. Doing things to improve your skills in something is generally worthwhile anyway, but it also puts you in contact with other people who share an interest.

  • Shave_MyBeever@lemmy.world
    142·
    2 months ago

    Find local polyamorous meet ups. They’re usually down for new “members”. You’ll have a new friend group for a while with the opportunity to bang several people. And usually there are any number of breakups so you can be a shoulder to cry on, etc. Seems like a lot in retrospect.

  • Dr. Saxon Crawfish@lemmy.today
    144·
    1 month ago

    Meeting people is the easy part. Do this at:

    Work

    Hobbies and Organised Activities

    Church or other Spiritual Communities

    Online, both locally and long-distance.

    Though after meeting people, phase two is the most difficult: actually convincing people to hang out and do stuff.

    Then phase three is actually creating and maintaining the friendship, lol.

    These all become exponentially harder if you need complete ideological purity from your friends and romantic partners.

  • disregardable@lemmy.zip
    123·
    2 months ago

    Well, I don’t live in a place like that, so there’s that. Consider moving to a better city for young people for a few years.