As stories of men leaving their dates in ‘sketchy situations’ go viral, experts say these incidents could stem from big egos and poor communication

MJ calls what happened to her in Zion national park “small ‘T’ trauma”. She knows women have experienced worse from their partners. But she still feels the anger of being left behind on a hike by her now ex. “It brings up stuff in my body that maybe I have not cleared out yet,” she said.

Five years ago, MJ and a new partner – he was not exactly her boyfriend, and the pair were not exclusive – traveled from Los Angeles to Utah for an adventure getaway. MJ, who is 38 and works in PR, was looking forward to exploring Zion’s striking scenery; its vast sandstone canyon and pristine wading trails were on the list. But on the morning of their big hike, MJ was not feeling well. She could not shake the feeling that something was “off”; indeed, MJ would learn on this trip that her partner was seeing other women.

As they made their way up Angel’s Landing, MJ’s partner started walking faster than her. “I could tell it was getting on his nerves that I was slow,” she said. “I was like, ‘Fuck it, just go ahead of me.’” He did without hesitation.

When she caught up at the top of the mountain, they took a picture together. Then her partner hiked down the mountain with a woman he had met on the way up, leaving MJ to finish by herself. They broke up shortly after that trip. (MJ asked to be referred to by her initials for the sake of speaking openly about a past relationship.)

Last month, MJ opened TikTok and heard the phrase “alpine divorce”, a label she now attaches to her experience in Zion.

  • eleijeep@piefed.socialEnglish
    363·
    9 hours ago

    A recent case study illustrates this point: last month, an amateur Austrian mountaineer was found guilty of gross negligence manslaughter for leaving his exhausted girlfriend behind on his country’s highest peak while he went in search of help. The man, a Salzburg chef identified only as Thomas P, said he was “endlessly sorry” for her death, and his lawyer called it a “tragic accident”. But Thomas P could not explain why he failed to wrap his freezing girlfriend in her emergency blanket before heading down the mountain without her. Earlier in their trek he had also told a police officer over the phone that they did not need any help, even though a rescue helicopter was made available to them.

    I remember hearing about this one.

    • CompactFlax@discuss.tchncs.deEnglish
      25·
      9 hours ago

      He had done it before with another woman, but she didn’t die. In the recent case, the dead woman’s family supported him. Even though he took their survival supplies. Very odd situation.

      • givesomefucks@lemmy.worldEnglish
        275·
        9 hours ago

        Her mom’s issue is the media and courts treated her daughter like a lost sheep led up a mountain.

        She was an experienced climber and they planned their trips together.

        He didn’t take the emergency supplies, he just didn’t swaddle her like a baby in her own.

        The helicopter call stuff was kind of shady tho, and rightfully why he was found guilty.

        But it’s not like the mom said he was innocent, she said it was likely an accident, because procedure in climbs like that is to leave someone behind, and she knew that because her daughter had been doing this long before the boyfriend.

        But her comments got misrepresented for the headlines.

        It all makes logical sense, it’s just the people telling us about it care more about drama and clicks than informing people.

        If you understand it, it becomes an incredibly boring story that doesn’t stand out. Which is why TikTok went the complete opposite direction, and mainstream media is reporting on their nonsense for the clicks.

        Quick edit:

        Specifically for the emergency blanket part, the last stages of hypothermia makes you feel insanely hot.

        The early stages cut off circulation to limbs to keep the torso warm, that’s why frostbite effects the extremities, it’s a trade off. When you’re going to die from it, you’re body can’t squeeze you’re arties off and all that “warm” blood floods to your limbs, causing them to quickly rise in temp while the vital parts get cold.

        So she likely was bundled up just fine when he left her.

        That’s all normal stuff climbers know, but the media/courts seemed to be willfully ignorant of.

        • frongt@lemmy.zipEnglish
          172·
          8 hours ago

          All the articles I’ve read say he never applied the emergency blanket, it was still packed away. Nor did he make her safe by building any kind of shelter or securing her against wind.

          And then he also did not call for help until three hours after they decided they needed help, and rejected the helicopter rescue. None of those are normal things. Those are the actions of someone abandoning someone to die.

          • givesomefucks@lemmy.worldEnglish
            78·
            8 hours ago

            None of those are normal things.

            1. Which is why he was found guilty of manslaughter

            2. And those bad decisions may likely be due to stress/incompetence. Something that happens, but again that’s what makes it manslaughter.

            Those are the actions of someone abandoning someone to die.

            If you’re ignorant of the realities of alpine mountaineering I could understand why you believe that.

            The dead woman’s mom wasn’t ignorant of it tho, that’s why she keeps saying it wasn’t murder.

            How experienced are you with cold weather mountain climbing?