Wrong is such a loaded term. And the text of your post shows why. It’s linking “wrong” with a specific set of traits. Then, there’s the follow up question that’s kinda fucking weird, but that’s a different issue.

So, for something to be “wrong” it has to violate some set of standards that set limits on “right”

And there is no single, universal consensus on the obligations of an adult child to their parents. It’s all situational. Abuse would only be one factor in trying to determine wrongness. Same with it being unforgivable or not. Cold would be about the Indian internal emotional state and is separate from the other two.

So, here’s what it comes down to. If the choice is made in a vacuum, fully on the basis of the convenience of the child of the dying person, you’d be pushing into a wrong by most moral and ethical systems. But if there’s other reasons, it can push things back into being acceptable.

I personally don’t hold that being “bedside” for a death is inherently a good act. It can be worse for everyone involved. The same is true for the concept of a final goodbye. It isn’t inherently of benefit to anyone. It can be. And, very often, it ends up being the wise decision because you only get one chance at it. But it absolutely isn’t inherently right, the way something like feeding a starving person is likely to be. It’s a choice. One that has to be weighed situationally.

I still tend to say that for most people, that final visit is likely to be more beneficial than negative, even though it can be traumatic. That’s even true when abuse is a factor. Closure has become a bit of a trope, but it really is a net positive. Part of death is that it can be difficult to really accept the fact of it if it happens “off screen”.

Being there, seeing the reality of it adds weight to the fact of the death that makes it real, even if it isn’t for the final moments of death.

Now, celebrating death? I tend to think that if someone is celebrating the death of a parent, there’s a significant reason. Usually either that the parent was fucking horrible, or that the child is. Celebrating death can be more neutral in theory, but in practice it’s never a good look.

Fwiw, I’ve been bedside at deaths. More than I should have. It hasn’t been my parents yet, but some close family. A lot of patients as well. I can’t say I regret any of them I was there for. But I regret not having been there for some that I missed.