Not be alive. I’m passively suicidal. I don’t have a plan. I’m not going to do anything. I very much know how screwed everyone would be if I wasn’t here. I make a lot of people’s lives very much better by my actions. I also know that I would miss out on a lot of fantastic experiences (I want to pet fluffy cows so much).

However, my life isn’t worth it for myself. I’m middle aged. On the whole, it’s been more negative than positive. Don’t get me wrong, there have been some amazing highlights. I have wonderful kids and some amazing memories with my spouse and moments in my childhood, but it’s all outweighed by the bad. The bad is cumulatively worse than the good, it’s net negative.