• then_three_more@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    12
    ·
    2 hours ago

    Trump sentenced to 400 years solitary confiment after being found guilty.

    Drug found that can extend life to 500 years.


    A quick death is too good for some

  • snoons@lemmy.ca
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    30
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    edit-2
    54 minutes ago

    Trump Found Dead on Toilet

    Netanyahu Assassinated, Israel Collapses

    Putin Dead of Colon Cancer, Russia Retreats from Ukraine

    Socialist Revolution in North Korea

    Myanmar Rebels Unite and Overthrow Junta

    Sudanese Anarchist Republic Recognized by UN General Assembly

    Saudi Royal Family Flees Capital During Violent Uprising, Interim Government in Talks with Yemen

    DRC Enacts and Enforces Stringent Labour Laws, Ebola Cases Low

    Canada’s Green Party Elects first Woman Premier

    China Enshrines Proportional Representation into Law

    • rslogix89@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      39
      ·
      5 hours ago

      There’s an old Soviet joke:

      A man goes to a newspaper stand every day, buys a copy of Pravda, glances at the front cover, curses, and throws it away.

      After a few weeks of this the seller just has to ask what’s going on: “why do you always look at the cover but never inside?” “I’m looking for an obituary.” “An obituary? But those are in the back!” “Oh no, the obituary I’m looking for will be on the front page.”

  • eightpix@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    17
    ·
    6 hours ago

    In rapid succession:

    • Sustainable energy now open-source

    • Rewilding commons yields global benefits

    • Atmospheric CO2 reaches pre-industrial levels

    • World Food Programme ends human hunger

    • World Rejoices in universal debt jubilee

    • Humanity achieves intergenerational wealth for all

    • First Contact Consensus: Together, We Ascend

  • _stranger_@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    7
    ·
    5 hours ago

    “Law of equivalent exchange proven by science, Ted Cruz transmuted into enough pure energy to run planet for a century.”

  • trojanbark@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    32
    ·
    7 hours ago

    “Every single AI company declared bankruptcy, all of their executives received the instant death penalty, and Donald Trump died a slow agonizing death over a 92-hour period.”