Hello Lemmy. I have completed my bachelor’s degree and will start a master’s program in April. This means that I am lucky to have a lot of free time in the next few months. I want to take this opportunity to spend time with my grandma, because she is very old and I probably won’t have that chance again. My question is, how would you spend time with your grandma if she was still alive or you had the necessary time?
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If you (or she) has the money for it, ask her if there’s anyone she’d like to visit. If it’s someone local-ish, you can drive her; if it’s not local, perhaps you can go with her on a train or plane. It may also turn out that in-person isn’t feasible (too much travel, the other person doesn’t want people to see how they’re living, whatever), in which case try to arrange for something like a FaceTime call. [If traveling, visiting other people, or having a family reunion, get Grandma her flu, covid, pneumonia, and RSV shots; and ask that anyone who’s ill not come. Have N95 masks for people who show up ill anyway.]
Ask her if there’s anything on her bucket list that you can do together. Maybe she wants to go see a landmark or a play or have a Michelin-star meal. See what you can do together.
If she wants to talk about it, ask her about funeral arrangements. Does she have a preferred funeral home? Has that funeral home handled burials for the family before (they keep detailed notes on all funerals; you can go in and say “just copy Uncle Algy’s funeral from 1987” and they’ll do it). Does she want to be buried or cremated? If buried, does she have a preferred cemetery, or even a plot? If she has a plot, where’s the deed kept (in the US, they need the deed before they’ll permit a burial in the plot). Are there particular flowers, hymns/music, poems or readings she’d like included? Is there particular jewelry she’d like to wear and does she want to be buried with it? Is there anything she’d like enclosed in her casket with her - her childhood teddy bear, the cremains of her cat, etc?
Is there anything she’d like to make arrangements for that you can expedite? Ideally she has a living will/advance directives and a medical power of attorney. Ideally she has a will. Ideally, if there are specific possessions that she wants to go to specific people, she has that listed somewhere (and hopefully a codicil in her will to that effect).
And while she certainly knows it: tell her verbally that you love her. Bring her some flowers, even just a tiny bouquet, to brighten up her space. And maybe some snacks that she’s particularly fond of, that she can nibble on.
There’s probably more, but that’s what’s coming to mind at the moment. I hope you and your grandmother have a wonderful time together; I think it’s fantastic that you have this time to spend with her!