My wife found out Saturday through an ancestry.com DNA test that her dad is not her actual biological father. Her mother had a supposed one time incident with a man she found on Facebook through the names on the ancestry test. Her parents separated when she was 6. She wasn’t close with her dad over the years, but there was nothing ugly about it. Now she has been getting closer with him. She doesn’t want to tell him that he’s not her biological father, as that would hurt the relationship.
I told her she needs to tell him, because honesty is a building block of a relationship and that he’s still her father. If he finds out through the test that he took too (and didn’t put it together that she’s not his), then he will be devastated that she didn’t say anything. My question is, should she tell him or not?
I’ll support her decision either way, but I think honesty is the right thing. The right thing isn’t always the easy thing. I understand that her Dad, who raised her, will always be her true father to her.
The honest truth is… It doesn’t matter. Being a dad/father is not the same as being a genetic donor.
Your wife is not the cheater here and has no obligation to say anything. Again, because it doesn’t matter.
The easy thing is to immediately tell him. The hard thing is to let the past stay in the past. If he finds out on his own means, and cares enough to roach the topic, it’s a great time to have the conversation about what a father is.
Tell that to my wife
Dude, you focused on 1 sentence and missed the point.
#1 It is Your WIFE’S relationship. Stay out of it unless she asks for advice.
#2 Your wife knows her dad better than you do. Trust her.
#3 Biology does not make a parent. She believes her genetics is irrelevant to her relationship with her father. She’s probably right. Odds are that he’s suspected she’s biologically not his for a while anyway.
#4 He took the test, too. He knows. Knowing that she knows and is still seeking him out as though nothing has changed probably means the world to him. No need to confront something they both are ignoring.
#5 Your wife is a full-grown, functioning adult with a mature relationship with her father. She can make these decisions without your assistance. Quit it.
Also, if you undermine this and leak it in any way, she has every right to leave you. This could be divorce-worthy behavior.
Stay. Out. Of. Her. Relationship. With. Her. Dad.
Have you ever even had a girlfriend?