Pfft Mr Money Bags over here…
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“Going through a mental crisis” doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re treating your friends like shit. If you treat your friends like shit, and that drives them away, whose fault is that?
There are, of course, exceptions, but those have to be people whom I care for and love very, very much. And even then, if the toxicity is too damaging to my own mental health, I have to cut them off for my own good. At the end of the day, all human relations rely on a cost/benefit analysis. If I’m losing more than I’m gaining from this relationship, why should I continue it?
I also don’t think you’re doing that person any favors by ignoring their bad behavior.
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Would you really maintain a relationship with somebody who made you unhappy? Somebody who abused you? Somebody who didn’t respect you? And if so, why?
People can help people, yet lately they only think of themselves.
Why “lately”?
It’s not only thinking of yourself. It’s thinking about yourself and the people who aren’t fucking you up. If somebody has a history of toxic behavior, then you have to take that into account. If you let that affect you, you’re A) harming yourself and B) are less able to help the people who actually do love you and respect you.
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Abuse doesn’t have to be physical, though. It can also be emotional.
I’m not saying to drop your friends and family at the first signs of negativity. There are people, though, who are not good for you, and nothing you can do can change that. The sooner you figure out who those people are and get them out of your life, the better.
My friends are not MEANT to make me happy. They are meant to be there when I’m unhappy.
What if they make you feel worse when you’re unhappy?
I mean, it looks like we agree that friends should, if not make you happy, at least make your life better in some way. I’m talking about the people who are making your life worse.
Sometimes they’ll have to “make me unhappy” to make me realize my mistakes. That’s what friendship is all about.
What if you don’t agree that they’re mistakes?
I totally agree with your whole position. This isn’t a score keeping exercise. When you spend time with someone, you should feel happy. Not necessarily all the time, but you shouldn’t feel drained, angry, sad, anxious, or self conscious the majority of the time. A significant part of your mental health comes from what you do and who you are with. People need to learn what they can handle and set healthy boundaries. I’ve cut out significant people from my life, people who made no effort to contribute to my happiness because they were only focused on their own for YEARS. I don’t have time for that. I’m glad I learned this in my younger years.
Yeah, this
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At the end of the day, all human relations rely on a cost/benefit analysis. If I’m losing more than I’m gaining from this relationship, why should I continue it?
Textbook description of narcissism.
Relationships are like bank accounts. If there is an imbalance there is going to hard feelings from one side. Accepting a bad deal leads to someone being a victim or worst forcing others to suffer by choices they didn’t make. It’s not narcissistic to leave a cheating/inattentive partner.
It’s not narcissistic to leave a cheating/inattentive partner.
No, it’s not.
Relationships are like bank accounts… Accepting a bad deal…
But that is.
Not seeing a difference. Relationships are give and take. Keep in mind equal value can mean anything to anybody. There is no look at my chart and this applies to everyone. Example: If a parent is not feeding, proving finances, good company, and is not even good for emotional support why bother? All they are doing is sandbagging you. Proving nothing of value is not balancing the books especially if your life is better without them.
This is good!
healthy boundaries are a secret weapon in securing and keeping happy relationships.
I find that the people who talk the most about toxicity and boundaries are the most toxic people who don’t respect boundaries.
If you don’t want to handle people at their worst don’t have kids!
ETA since apparently people have no sense of humor and/or no kids: when you have kids there are lots of times that they are at their worst. It’s part of being baby/toddler/children. When they are tired they can have absolute meltdowns. And you have to deal with them, because they are your children and you as a parent have to teach them how to deal with those emotions.
So yeah, kids are little sociopaths that are also absolutely lovely. Don’t want to deal with professional liars and manipulators with also zero remorse, don’t have kids.
I’ll have you know I am much worse than a child!
I don’t doubt that, I’m pretty sure you’re old enough that now not even your parents have to deal with you 😝 (Just kidding riding the joke of course, no offense meant)
the more time goes by, the less of it i’m willing to compromise putting up with bullshit. every breath you take is one breath closer to your last
