Gotta keep it vague for privacy but the key details should be enough. We first met through a dating app. It didn’t work out. We remained friends. Became best friends. They fell on terribly hard times. They moved in with me. Sleeping on the couch was not good for the long term. We now share a bed, and eventually went halvesies on a new bigger one. We became very close over the past few years. I love my best friend. Sometimes do non intercourse sexish things but have no interest in a relationship. Hard times are likely to continue due to external problems that despite our best efforts, will not likely go away. I’d never kick them out, it would be on the level of hurting a puppy. What kind of monster would do that? I have been wanting a relationship but it would be awkward to have to explain all this to any new partners. I can’t even imagine how my friend would take it. I wouldn’t want to sacrifice our relationship just so I can start dating again. A room in the apartment is vacant now and they could move into that one but I dread broaching the topic to them. I don’t know how they’re going to react and no matter what happens I want to keep this person in my life. We’re getting older and there’s no guarantee that the “hard times” will go away. It might even last the rest of our lives. I don’t know what to do. I can’t face the reality that they might leave rather than watch me do my own thing. How do I have my cake and eat it too?

  • papertowels@lemmy.one
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    2 months ago

    I’m so glad that you posted this. I had a similar experience. My personal goal is to ask some things only twice, and then suck it up and move on.

    The girl I dated in high school broke up with me when college started. A few years later, we were talking again, and we were in the friendship fog. I asked her out again, she said no. That also hurt like hell, but I told myself I’ve asked twice. Time to move on.

    I actually recently found a journal entry from that night - “It feels like I am king of the friend zone with her, but holy shit it feels so good to have that cleared up, and now I know I have a solid friend who I don’t have to worry about dating potential”.

    After that she was the first female friend who I didn’t constantly have a thought of “…but what if?”, and that was incredible.

    Over 10 years later, she’s like a sister to me - she was my best ma’am at my wedding, and I was a bridesman at hers. (my wife likes to poke fun at the imbalance here, but we had a small wedding haha)