• 12 Posts
  • 186 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
cake
Cake day: August 11th, 2023

help-circle
  • Unless the local is me. I am terrible at giving directions. “Go that way for like, three… maybe four intersections. Turn left when there’s like a store or something on the side of the road. When it seems like the right time, turn left again, and then like… uh… there’s a tree… You know what, let me just give you the address and hope that GPS works out for you.”





  • Nothing that makes noise or takes batteries.

    Board books. Toddlers are murder on books with paper pages. Stick with classics like Goodnight Moon or Dr. Seuss, or if you want something more recent the Little Owl series by Divya Srinivasan, or Calm-Down Time by Elizabeth Verdick are really good.

    Playground/beach toys, like a bucket / shovel / rake set that parents can keep in the car. They’ll likely get lost, so go for cheap and sturdy over premium and expensive.

    Sidewalk chalk, like the huge fat ones.

    The water based coloring books someone else mentioned are great, too. No cleanup (beyond the occasional water spill), they can be reused, and they’re great entertainment for the car.

    And yeah, like others have said, coordinate with the parents.

    And if you hate the parents, get a Furby knockoff or something else that makes noise.





  • I needed a white karate gi for a Street Fighter Halloween costume, so I went to the local school and bought one, and while I was at it I bought a black one too, in case I ever wanted to be a ninja. Then I started wearing the black karate pants as pajamas.

    That was over twenty years ago. Those same black karate pants are still my favorite pajamas. In-fucking-credible.






  • I’m just imagining being the poor sap working for a foreign power trying to extract useful information from his cottage cheese brain.

    “Do you have nuclear subs in the South China Sea?”

    “We have to be extremely vigilant and extremely careful when it comes to nuclear. Nuclear changes the whole ballgame. … The biggest problem we have is nuclear — nuclear proliferation and having some maniac, having some madman go out and get a nuclear weapon. That’s in my opinion, that is the single biggest problem that our country faces right now.”

    “Where! Are! The nuclear! Subs! Deployed!”

    “Look, having nuclear — my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart — you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I’m one of the smartest people anywhere in the world — it’s true! — but when you’re a conservative Republican they try — oh, do they do a number — that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune — you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged — but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me — it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are — nuclear is so powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what’s going to happen and he was right, who would have thought? — but when you look at what’s going on with the four prisoners — now it used to be three, now it’s four — but when it was three and even now, I would have said it’s all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don’t, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years — but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us, this is horrible.”



  • That is one of the stupidest takes I have ever seen, and I’ve been on the internet since AOL chatrooms.

    Not voting makes politicians less accountable to you. If you somehow organized everyone who thought like you do, regardless of your agenda, and convinced every single one of them to not vote, then you would achieve the lofty political goal of… absolutely ensuring that no politician would ever try to pursue your goals.

    Voting, by definition, is what makes politicians give a shit about your cause. There’s a reason why the Greek word meaning “one who does not take part in public affairs” is the root of the modern word “idiot.”


  • For the record, we do and have done all of those things. This isn’t a story about my dog getting aggressive with the cats. If anything, we need to make a point of keeping the cats out of her food bowl because she will let them take her food away, all the while looking at us to please do something. It’s just that she seems to sometimes get ambivalent about whether she is in fact hungry or not… but that ambiguity immediately disappears if a cat comes over and sniffs her bowl.





  • With as much as they talked about the irrevocable destruction of the global ecosystem coming up in a matter of months, and then the constantly rotating day-night cycle, I imagine it would be possible to find out if your in-game time played actually was more or less than that deadline. It would be hilarious if the world was going to end in six months but then the math showed that you actually spent more than a year running around shooting the fins off of robo-pterodactyls.