I’m in my late 20s. In the last years, I’ve moved a few times and tried out a bunch of things. And discovered I have a hard time getting close to people.

I used to think I just need to go out more. But I found out that most people I meet just don’t seem to “fit” with me.

Let’s say I meet some interesting people, who are funny, smart and have shared interests with me. We make a bit of small talk, hang out, and then I go home exhausted, feeling like I just came out of a work meeting that should have been an email. And given from how they rarely invite me back, I guess the feeling is mutual.

Someone told me I am quite cold towards people I don’t know well. Part of that might be that my usual way of talking is a bit emotionless. Another part could be a consequence of me basically going through the script in my head. “How is work these days? Cool. Yeah, me too. Yup.” I don’t want to be this way. But I also don’t want to go into full sales presentation mode, because that feels really wrong.

I used to think I would just become misanthropic. But there are people where I just click with. Talking to them is not a chore, but something I look forward to. And they seem to enjoy my company as well. Some events seem to have a lot more of “my people”, some less.

If you read my rambling until here, thanks. I genuinely don’t know any more. Am I becoming the old sod sitting on his porch yelling at kids? Or am I just spending time on the wrong people? Have you experienced something similar? And how could I change this?

  • zcryj@lemmy.worldOP
    1·
    8 hours ago

    I fear I might come across as either arrogant, cold, or creepy.

    I’ve been told that in a talk that I perceived as mutually friendly and casual, they wondered why I disliked the other person so much. I guess I am insecure, and it manifests as coldness?

    I am physically unimpressive, average height and pretty slender, but I had people recoil when I was mildly angry at them. Looks like angry me has a vibe of “one of us will leave in an ambulance, I don’t care who”. Meh, could be worse, it helped with beggars every now and then.

    And for the creepy part… To be fair, I proudly qualify as a pervert, I just aim to be a friendly pervert. Jokes aside, I seem to be in a weird middle ground where people who casually know me think I’m sane, and people who know me well think I’m sane, but somewhere in the middle I guess I must be making too many dark jokes or something.

    Sorry for making this all about me, I guess I had to type it out once. Thanks for sharing your experience, maybe I just need to be bolder and give less of a fuck.