Sorry if this is weird, I’m trying to navigate parent-child relationships and I’m just curious what this is like from the parents’ perspective.
Sorry if this is weird, I’m trying to navigate parent-child relationships and I’m just curious what this is like from the parents’ perspective.
Growing up comes in stages, some of which are difficult for both parents and children to navigate.
When your kids are little, you’re the center of their universe and they are dependent on you for everything.
They grow up and become more independent. It’s a natural process as they prepare for adulthood. Their desire for autonomy develops without the benefit of experience. That can lead to conflicts.
Some of it is hard to take. Especially when your kid is telling you that “you don’t know what you’re talking about” or “I don’t need your help.” It makes you feel angry in the moment because it’s disrespectful and dismissive of your own experience. When I’m standing there, glowering angrily, I’m trying to think of what to say that doesn’t make things worse. Meanwhile, in my head I’m thinking, “Listen you little shit. You don’t know anything about anything. If you want to disregard what I’m telling you, fine. You can learn that you’re wrong the hard way.”
Then it makes you sad because you know that they will, in fact, have to learn the hard way. The hard way is painful. You know because you learned that way too when you were that age. But we learn from our own mistakes. Not from those of our parents. At least not when we’re young.
Love is not a feeling. Love has feelings connected to it but at its core, love is an act.
I loved my kids when they were adorable newborns. And when they screamed half the night and had explosive diarrhea.
When they come running, excited to see me and wanting to play. And when they’re being naughty little shits whom I’ve told to stop doing something seven times already.
When they’re telling me I’m a jerk because I won’t let them go to some party at some shithead from schools house because I know there will be drugs and alcohol involved. And when they need a hug because their boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with them or they’re just having a rough day.
Love means trying to do what’s best for them whether you’re happy, disappointed, or angry with them. Whether you like them or not. And there are definitely moments when you will NOT like your kids. But you still love them and want them to have a good life.