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She wanted to stay with me even without kids, but after the first days I saw her become an empty shell of a person. This was her meaning of life, apparently even more than we both thought. I could leave her, but that felt horrible as well.
Now we have a kid; the first few years were a personal nightmare for me because of mental health issues. Lack of sleep icw depression and what more makes parenting extra intense. I tried with all my might to not let it affect our child, I hope I managed to so far.
It’s a lot better now, the kid is great and I’m amazed how much love I feel, but I always feel guilty. For giving life (something that goes against my principles as I did not want to be born myself) and for not being able to 50/50 care because of the mental shit that makes me unable to. Aside from that the usual, missing my freedom, the continuous responsibility.
I would not do it again in a reset of my life, not because of the kid who I genuinely think is great, but due to my lack of mental health, which has the potential each and everyday to ruin it all for them (which is a compulsive intrusive thought in my mind). But I hang on, I try to.
With all the love and respect, I would not recommend anyone in my situation.
Thanks for sharing this.
Thanks for sharing.
which has the potential each and everyday to ruin it all for them (which is a compulsive intrusive thought in my mind). But I hang on, I try to.>
Are you fighting the urge to off yourself or the urge to off your family? In either case I hope you’re finding adequate support/therapy, if not ask for help here. Hopefully your state or country has resources available.
I was pressured by my partner to have children. I had said from the outset of the relationship that I didn’t want kids. That was all fine, for the first year-18 months, Then things started to change.
how that played out?
We did not have children, we are no longer together.
My cat wanted to have kittens. I did not. They had other plans. Three beautiful kittens. Sold Two. Kept the one who snuggles up with me every night and purrs me to sleep. Wake up to this now:
image
No longer against the idea.
OMG I can’t believe you had the audacity to write an answer about cats in response to a serious question that is clearly about goats.
Now I’m thinking of
My partner wanted to have kids. I did not. They had other plans. Three beautiful kids. Sold Two. Kept the one who snuggles up with me every night and purrs me to sleep. Wake up to this now:
No longer against the idea.
Still waiting for another punk rock goat. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biquette
This answers my original question, thanks
I’m the opposite: I initially wanted kids, but my spouse was ambivalent. I’ve come around: We’re not going to have kids, and I’m ok with that.
From these comments, it seems pretty important to talk about kids before you get too serious with someone…
It’s important from the jump, honestly. People always say you shouldn’t talk about stuff like kids, religion, and politics on a first date, but at my age, I talk about all of that before even bothering to go on a date. Those are all things that tend to be make or break for a lot of people, and for anyone looking for a serious relationship, you have to be on the same page.
We had a son (4) and a daughter (2) and my wife really wanted a third. I wasn’t that excited about the idea, because we had 2 children and one of each seemed like plenty.
I was a pretty firm “no” for a long time, but she eventually convinced me during a particularly hot and heavy night.
Our youngest is now 10 and she’s an absolute joy. I can’t imagine my life feeling complete without all 3 kids. It’s one of the greatest things she ever conned me into doing.
Then I got a vasectomy.
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If you didn’t have your faith, do you think you would’ve ended up in your position?
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That’s brutally honest and I’m sorry to hear about your experience.
I also feel bad for your child who has to grow up in that environment.
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My wife wanted a kid, she didn’t care if it was a boy or girl. I’d had a bad experience with someone else who demanded a child, so I was immediately leery. We were married for four years, and while she wasn’t intended, my daughter arrived in 2013. She’s a pretty cool kid.
The more important thing though, is how happy my wife was and still is to have a child. And that child has become one of my favorite people. So I’d say its going pretty good.
I also got a vasectomy. My wife wasn’t opposed to having another one, but she didn’t want to go through the whole pregnancy/birth process again, especially since we live in Oklahoma, and if anything went wrong it could potentially go very wrong. We are also in agreement that while our nice little family is nice and little, another child would throw a wrench in our finances that it would be difficult to recover from. So we’ve limited ourselves to one Human Larve.
