I left to go to college. Came back when my mother’s life fell apart and she begged for help, so I tried to be the good son. About 6 months after going back I left again because I couldn’t do anything right (as usual), my mother had allowed two different people to drive my vehicles and both times they were wrecked, and she got physical with my girlfriend and I when I put my foot down over anyone else driving a vehicle we were attempting to lease. Ended up having a restraining order against her for my girlfriend that my mother violated a couple times early on.

After a couple years ended up being stuck living with my mother again. Had a child born 3 months premature who passed at 9 days old. He had an intestinal blowout and never stopped bleeding after surgery. His blood gasses were toxic so my wife and I took him off the ventilator. My mother told me I was stupid and should have waited. I was dealing with major depression at the time and my mother unbeknownst to me stopped paying her bills so we ended up homeless together. During this time my mother finally told me the truth about never wanting me her words were “I had my whole life planed out” she went on to talk about her training to become a traveling stripper then said “and then I had you.” The way she said it was full of contempt, she was drunk but let’s be honest that’s generally when the truth really comes out.

Ended up getting away and half way across the country and stayed away from all family members. My mother still tried playing games by contacting the local sheriff’s repeatedly for “wellness checks.” The checks finally stopped at one point but probably because I made sure to make the idea I was living in New York City get to her.

I look back and see a ton of things that she did to me now. When I was around 9 she stored a leaking 5 gallon bucket of paint thinner in my bedroom closet even though there was a basement and detached garage that would have been a better place. I still have no idea what problems that caused.