I don’t know about most people, but I was an absolute asshat in my twenties.
If I had to rephrase that for myself, it would be to read a bunch of books, work out, and learn to be more socially acceptable so people can tolerate my stupid ass and actually want to date me.
(fyi that was like two decades ago and I’m happily married with two kids. )
If you’re a pile of shit, then regardless of if you’re dating, married, or single you should be taking active steps to learn and grow into the best version of yourself. “Be yourself” is not an instruction to stagnate.
Specifically for dating, don’t invent a personality or persona. IF the person falls for you, they didn’t fall for you… they fell for a fabrication. For someone who doesn’t exist. That’s a super shitty thing to do to someone else.
“Pretend to be the person someone else wants you to be for the express purpose of getting them emotionally invested in you” might be the most toxic advice there is. It disregards the agency of the other person. It disrespects them entirely. It implies the ends justify the means.
“Be yourself” in regards to dating.
I don’t know about most people, but I was an absolute asshat in my twenties.
If I had to rephrase that for myself, it would be to read a bunch of books, work out, and learn to be more socially acceptable so people can tolerate my stupid ass and actually want to date me.
(fyi that was like two decades ago and I’m happily married with two kids. )
I would re-tool it as “be a better version of yourself” instead. So, sounds like you practiced that method than the vague one.
I like that a lot! Thank you!
I still think it’s good advice FOR DATING.
If you’re a pile of shit, then regardless of if you’re dating, married, or single you should be taking active steps to learn and grow into the best version of yourself. “Be yourself” is not an instruction to stagnate.
Specifically for dating, don’t invent a personality or persona. IF the person falls for you, they didn’t fall for you… they fell for a fabrication. For someone who doesn’t exist. That’s a super shitty thing to do to someone else.
“Pretend to be the person someone else wants you to be for the express purpose of getting them emotionally invested in you” might be the most toxic advice there is. It disregards the agency of the other person. It disrespects them entirely. It implies the ends justify the means.