If so, why do you want them / how do you like it?
I hope this can be more of a wholesome post about cute stories, instead of more dooming and glooming.
I have kids that are grown and kids that are little. Being a parent can bring both the best and hardest experiences in life.
The initial experience, especially between pregnancy and the first few months after birth, is dramatically different for men and women. And this is just one guys perspective.
I remember feeling kind of conflicted at first. Like I should feel more excited than I do. Everyone is congratulating me. My wife is super excited. Her body is changing. She’s experiencing all this in real time and I’m just …here.
Then the baby is born. You’re pretty sure there is no way in hell a head that big is going to fit through a hole that small. It does, provided everything goes well. And now you’re just exhausted 24/7 for at least the first year. “Oh no. What have we done? I think maybe this was a huge mistake.” You knew things were going to change. Maybe even in a big way. But you didn’t realize everything would change. Now you suddenly understand why that one couple that you guys used to hang with all the time stopped showing up to get togethers after their first was born. You have zero free time and the lack of sleep feels like it’s shaving years off your life. Baby’s just cry, eat, sleep, and poop. You secretly wonder “how old is too old to drop her off at the fire station?”
Then something sort of magical happens. You’re rocking the baby because it’s being fussy. Probably because it’s a Tuesday night, and that’s the Tuesday night routine. All of a sudden, this little person just kind of snuggles up to your neck, sighs a satisfied little sigh, and konks out. And right there in that moment, your heart melts. I actually cried a little. I didn’t want that moment to end. But end it must.
There are other similar moments in your future. But there are also more hard ones. Your baby grows up, faster than you expect. First to a toddler, when you sometimes ask your wife, “how old is too old to drop him off at the fire station?” And she responds, “I don’t know, but if we leave now, we can probably squeeze in some cocktails and a movie before bed time.”
Overall, they’re pretty fun. Expensive, but fun. Then they get to be about 12 years old. Maybe 13 if you’re lucky. They’ve idolized you up to this point. You’ve been the center of their universe. But no longer. Now, you are a loser who is always infringing on their plans and embarrasing them. That’s ok. Its kind if your job. Your child has turned into the really overconfident drunk at the bar who believes she can “totally drive better after a few beers” and is currently trying to either fight or flirt with the jukebox. Maybe both. You’re not sure which and asking will just get some eye rolling and dirty looks.
Your job is to snag her keys, plop her into an uber, and mutter, “Ok, buddy. Let’s just get you home” with as little sarcasm as possible. Meanwhile, your wife is calling to ask, “how old is too old to drop her off at the fire station?”. If you’re lucky, this scenario is just a metaphor. If not, you’ve got some ball busting to do. It’s part of the job.
Eventually, the “overconfident drunk” sobers up and becomes an adult. And you know you’ve at least been a good role model the first time he calls to say, “Dad, I need help.” You help him, as best you can. While trying and failing to hold back a tear that rolls down your face as you realize the little baby that you watched come into the world is now an adult.
Some of it can be incredibly bitter. But some of it is oh, so sweet. Being a parent is not for everyone. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Mine is 13 currently. She started pulling away when she was 11. I was waiting to be the biggest moron she’s ever met by now. Earlier this summer though, I took a week off from work. She didn’t go into her regular summer camp and just wanted to stay home and be broody. So, I went outside and started cleaning out some trees (still cleaning up from Helene)
She came out to help. We started a fire together and kept pulling trees and branches from the yard, burned a big stack of firewood that got termites, She drove the lawnmower around pulling a wagon to gather stuff. She even drove my tractor for about three minutes before panicking and running it into a tree.
That week, something changed. She’s now back to being a daddy’s girl. We watched the world cup together, she asks to ride with me when I need to go run errands. She and her mom have mended and became closer again for some reason. It’s been great to have my big girl back, and I pray it’s not just temporary. My nine year old acts more like a teenager now than the teen does.
That was really beautiful. Thanks for sharing it.
I have 2, boy almost 19 and girl 15… they are the best people I know and the only thing that makes me hopeful for the future
They are and will always be the best I have done with my life
I have six and I’m not taking any more, sorry pal!
Jim Gaffigan’s reply to someone asking what it’s like to have 6 kids is “Imagine you’re drowing, and someone throws you a baby.”
the baby is buoyant enough.
I think the current time is not the best to have children, they will have a terrible future.
I have five total, two from birth. Being part of their lives has been an honor and joy — though not without its trials. Like I remember when my 6 year old decorated her closet in our rental house with math equations using a sharpie. I just had to sit and laugh with her. Or when my daughter, who loved to swim with my help or with swimmers just jumped into the deep end of a pool while I was on the other side cleaning something up and I had to sprint and dive in to pull her up. I don’t think she even noticed she was going to drown.
I got ordained as a Jedi so that I could marry my oldest daughter dressed as Darth Vader — I made the groom duel me for her hand in front of everyone. It was good times.
I mean I could share shit shows as well but for the most part I’m really happy to be a dad.
I have two teenage boys 19/16.
A long time ago a friend of mine, who had kids way earlier than me, said this; “My kids are the best thing that has ever happened to me and also the worst.”
At the time, I was still several years from becoming a parent myself and was a bit aghast that he said it. Fast forward a few years and my boys have come into the world…
I understand what he was talking about completely.
Being a parent is one of the few things that at one moment make you feel like you’re on top of the world and in the very next instant the biggest pile of crap that has ever been in the entire history of humanity.
That’s what is called “Parenthood” and there are just some things about it a person will never be able to understand until they experience it for themselves.
I worked with a guy a bit older than me and once he told me “you know, I love my kids and would never regret them, but if I had life to live over, I don’t know I’d have them again”.
I have a three year old. He was right.
She just brought me pretend water I didn’t ask for from the water dispenser on the fridge. She used to bring me real water but I disabled it after my laptop was sitting in water one morning.
In my experience, the “terrible twos” are a dream vacation compared to three-year-olds.
Hang in. It gets easier soon.
This is exactly what I didnt want to read
Dad of a 2.5 year old and a 2 monther
Sorry, dude.
Best wishes to you that they walk an easier path.
Even then, it’s all worth it, and you’ll miss these days eventually.
(Dad of a 23 year old)
I do not want and also do not have children.
However, my nieces are an absolute joy made all the better by the fact I can give them back when I reach my limit. 😐
My advice is you’re on the fence about kids, don’t adopt.
We adopted because we thought “we’re actually pretty good at this, and hey, there are kids out there who desperately need a family”.
Let me tell you, it is so much harder, for so many reasons. I can’t even fully express it, it’s so much harder.
Very interested in this. I dont have any kids, but should we ever get to that point of our lives, my inclination is to adopt. I understand how there can be some pre-existing damage that could lead to some serious behavioral issues, but I’m still thinking we could probably manage… but I’m pretty ignorant on the topic. Would be interested to learn more about your experience, if you’re willing to share anything.
The best two things I did with my life was marrying my wife and having my kid. It’s been fantastic.
Always been good with kids. As life turned out, my partner has a career taking them around the world: i’m the tagalong spise looking after the kids. We have three boys, 19, 16, 12. They are all cooler than me in various ways and I have given them all so much more than my parents gave me: emotionally, materially, the lot. They are more open minded, more reasonable, better equipped for life, more stable, more secure… I have them a lot, “sacrificed” quite a bit, time wise, career wise, and soon they’re all gone creating their own lives while i’ll be following my partner around, trying to patch together a new meaning of this existence.
For a man, it’s been an unusual journey. But worth it.
Yes, I would very much like that. I’ve always had the vague feeling that I do and enjoyed being with and around children, but started thinking about it more when I was together with my now-ex since we were discussing future plans.
Children are joy, discovery, love, and they are the future. I expect it might be both the most difficult but also rewarding venture one can set out on.
I was raised to believe it was just part of the American dream, 2.5 kids, house, etc, and my parents had me super young(16/f and 19/m). So when I got my girlfriend pregnant at 21, I was overjoyed.
In hindsight I wish I could’ve waited maybe 4 years before making the attempt, that would’ve made things tremendously easier.
That said my kids are wonderful, especially my youngest who is quickly becoming a responsible guy, driving and about to interview for his first job at 18 and looking to get into medical school as his career path.
My oldest sadly has a lot of trouble with narcolepsy and autism that hinder him in a lot of ways, I’m trying to support him the best I can to get him to be self sustaining, but I don’t know when that will happen.
I don’t think I’ll end up with grandkids, but honestly I’m just happy to see my kids succeed. After 2 kids though I knew I was done having more, and now that’s impossible with my wife getting a hysterectomy.
Have kids. Love my kids. I never thought I’d love having kids the way I do. They are some of my favorite people on the planet.
That said…
Kids are not for everyone. Having kids can be really hard on you, it would suck to discover you hate parenting after having kids. I probably wouldn’t have kids today given global geopolitical issues and the climate crisis.
None yet but we’re starting to plan for it. It’s basically the closest thing to an objective “meaning of life”, and if only assholes have kids then the future is going to belong to people raised by assholes.
Additionally, everyone tells me I’m going to be a really good parent. My dad was pretty terrible, and my mom was useless in standing up to him, so I have a ton of experience with what not to do. I’ve got a bunch of younger siblings, so significant experience. I kinda feel like it’s my duty to have and raise good children to help make the future better.
