No. He’d dump her, then come back all apologetic less than 24 hours later, beg for forgiveness, and promise to change. He’d make grand gestures in the first few days and make her feel like he might be serious this time. Within a week, whatever it was will have become her fault, she’ll always have been the real abuser in the situation, and he’ll punish her by withdrawing until she interprets his vague, passive-aggressive hints correctly in order to atone for her sins against him in the only way he has deemed appropriate. This whole thing will be just one one in a long line of many similar incidents, which have escalated over enough time that he has convinced her that she is, in fact, the bad one and that she deserves to be treated this way because of it. She’ll have been kept on an emotional rollercoaster for so long that when (if) the relationship finally does end, it will take a very long time for her to be able to identify the pattern.
He would absolutely say that he’s dumping her and tell her how fucked up she is for even bringing HER problem to him in the first place. He wouldn’t get in any hurry to actually leave, though. The longer he can keep her in her head and wondering what is actually going on, the better.
Yes, “It’s me or your video games” strongly suggests, in this fictional scenario, that it’s by no means the first time this issue has been brought up. Even if that were the case, however, the reply by the guy would be arrogant and selfish, since it ignores his partner’s needs instead of respecting them.
Maybe, maybe not. It could be that he’s actually neglecting her for video games. It could be that her idea of “neglect” is any time at all pursuing his own hobbies. Both scenarios occur, I don’t think it’s reasonable to say this “strongly” suggests one in particular.
I don’t think it’s [not] reasonable to say this “strongly” suggests one in particular.
Disagree. He had a choice to either hear that she was experience pain/duress or that she’s exaggerating and/or misunderstanding. In either case, if he truly cares about her then he could/should seek to understand, communicate, and (if appropriate) compromise. That he immediately dismissed her and only talked of himself makes it clear that he’s an uncaring narcissist.
I appreciate that you want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Narcissists depend on this. When they show you who they are, believe them.
He had a choice to either hear that she was experience pain/duress or that she’s exaggerating and/or misunderstanding.
And she had a chance to communicate her frustrations without making an ultimatum.
That he immediately dismissed her and only talked of himself makes it clear that he’s an uncaring narcissist.
That she immediately issued an ultimatum instead of trying to open a productive dialogue about it more strongly suggests that she’s the uncaring narcissist. Ultimatums aren’t healthy.
In any case, this response isn’t very helpful, since it doesn’t aim to resolve the conflict. Ending the relationship might be the solution—but even then, it probably wouldn’t be the most conciliatory way to part ways.
I simply assume that most people are capable of communicating with one another. If that isn’t the case in a relationship—whatever the reason may be—I don’t think the relationship will last long—at least not if everyone involved is supposed to be happy in it.
No, this is an ultimatum, not ‘expressing her feelings’.
It is a threat, quite literally, and that in fact is a problem… healthy relationships do not involve threats.
This is not ‘hey, instead of video games tonight, could we maybe go on a walk, or out to dinner, or maybe cook dinner together, or go see a movie? Oh you had a scheduled match… hrm, maybe this weekend?’
That you think this is narcissism betrays that you are, at best, very bad at communicating, and at worst, are yourself a narcissist who is projecting.
An expert display of narcissism. He completely dismisses how she feels and then tells her that she is the problem.
Hmm yeah “how she feels” being a manipulative ultimatum
The narcissist wouldn’t dump her over it, he’d apologize and keep doing it.
Edit: I appear to have grossly oversimplified narcissists.
No. He’d dump her, then come back all apologetic less than 24 hours later, beg for forgiveness, and promise to change. He’d make grand gestures in the first few days and make her feel like he might be serious this time. Within a week, whatever it was will have become her fault, she’ll always have been the real abuser in the situation, and he’ll punish her by withdrawing until she interprets his vague, passive-aggressive hints correctly in order to atone for her sins against him in the only way he has deemed appropriate. This whole thing will be just one one in a long line of many similar incidents, which have escalated over enough time that he has convinced her that she is, in fact, the bad one and that she deserves to be treated this way because of it. She’ll have been kept on an emotional rollercoaster for so long that when (if) the relationship finally does end, it will take a very long time for her to be able to identify the pattern.
I have some first-hand experience in this area.
He would absolutely say that he’s dumping her and tell her how fucked up she is for even bringing HER problem to him in the first place. He wouldn’t get in any hurry to actually leave, though. The longer he can keep her in her head and wondering what is actually going on, the better.
Yes, “It’s me or your video games” strongly suggests, in this fictional scenario, that it’s by no means the first time this issue has been brought up. Even if that were the case, however, the reply by the guy would be arrogant and selfish, since it ignores his partner’s needs instead of respecting them.
Maybe, maybe not. It could be that he’s actually neglecting her for video games. It could be that her idea of “neglect” is any time at all pursuing his own hobbies. Both scenarios occur, I don’t think it’s reasonable to say this “strongly” suggests one in particular.
True
I don’t thinkit’s [not] reasonable to say this “strongly” suggests one in particular.Disagree. He had a choice to either hear that she was experience pain/duress or that she’s exaggerating and/or misunderstanding. In either case, if he truly cares about her then he could/should seek to understand, communicate, and (if appropriate) compromise. That he immediately dismissed her and only talked of himself makes it clear that he’s an uncaring narcissist.
I appreciate that you want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Narcissists depend on this. When they show you who they are, believe them.
And she had a chance to communicate her frustrations without making an ultimatum.
That she immediately issued an ultimatum instead of trying to open a productive dialogue about it more strongly suggests that she’s the uncaring narcissist. Ultimatums aren’t healthy.
In any case, this response isn’t very helpful, since it doesn’t aim to resolve the conflict. Ending the relationship might be the solution—but even then, it probably wouldn’t be the most conciliatory way to part ways.
I simply assume that most people are capable of communicating with one another. If that isn’t the case in a relationship—whatever the reason may be—I don’t think the relationship will last long—at least not if everyone involved is supposed to be happy in it.
That is not at all a safe assumption.
Yeah, looks like it.
Hahaha wow no.
No, this is an ultimatum, not ‘expressing her feelings’.
It is a threat, quite literally, and that in fact is a problem… healthy relationships do not involve threats.
This is not ‘hey, instead of video games tonight, could we maybe go on a walk, or out to dinner, or maybe cook dinner together, or go see a movie? Oh you had a scheduled match… hrm, maybe this weekend?’
That you think this is narcissism betrays that you are, at best, very bad at communicating, and at worst, are yourself a narcissist who is projecting.