Decided to take the initiative with my crush. I asked him if he wanted to come over tonight so I could give him a massage and we could talk about us. He was very enthusiastic and said he wouldn’t miss it. Now I have to go buy massage oil after class because this was kind of a heat-of-the-moment idea…
Now, you might think I’m dumb or clueless, but I’ve only had one boyfriend in my life (from sophomore to senior year of high school), and he took the lead from the very beginning. So this whole approach is a first for me. Very excited for tonight.
Agreed… this made me think about stereotypes like “women are attracted to bad boys” and “nice guys finish last” largely stemming from ambiguity about consent.
“Bad boys” refers to behaviors that appear less empathetic, and care less about consent; as in guys that are more reckless and take more risks. Biologically, success in mating is mostly a numbers game, regardless of species, and without taking a chance and trying, the only way you’l ever succeed is through luck. It’s easier to take a risk if you don’t care about consent or the feelings of others.
“Nice guys” refers to behaviors associated with empathy and caring about consent, but sociopathic people also display due to anxiety, cowardice, or attempted coercion/manipulation etc.
This can’t be overstated. If a person is caring and empathetic, they are far less likely to take the risk of making the people they care about, or are attracted to, feel uncomfortable, objectified, etc. The threshold in taking a risk will be much higher. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that empathy and care = ability to read “hints”, navigate social situations, or possesses emotional maturity either.