I have a girlfriend. She’s sweet, but she ALWAYS talks over me when i’m upset to change the subject or to tell me to look at a cat video or Bluey or Hazbin Hotel funny clips.
i feel so bad for saying this, but when i tried to tell her i was struggling with depression, it took like 3 tries to get her to listen, and all she said was to just be happy and smile.
today, i tried to tell her one of my grandpas died recently and she just talked over me about funny videos and tiktok. even if i tell her to listen, she does‘t or starts getting sad, so even when she says i can tell her anything, i don’t often. Am i in the wrong for that?
Also, she sends laughing emojis when I tell her something like “I have a PTSD diagnosis” on the topic of mental health, and she constantly puts herself down and asks me to give her reasons why she’s a good girlfriend and not “stupid and ugly”.
I love all the comments that are just like, “Break up with her.” It’s just that easy.
I love comment sections that offer life-altering advice to anonymous strangers on the internet. Do you really think this person hasn’t considered breaking up with her? The reason he made the post in the first place is probably because he’s already thought about it. That’s not what this person is asking about.
How about offering some actual advice?
There are multiple things you can do here, but I think the one that’s going to be most effective is to enrage her. Yes, you want to make her angry and upset because those are the emotions she’s trying to avoid. She doesn’t want to feel angry or upset. She wants to be happy, and she doesn’t want to deal with your emotions.
So just do what I do with my wife: shut down. It absolutely infuriates her. Stay silent. Don’t engage. Remove yourself from the situation. Make yourself unseen. I promise you, that will force her to confront you, and then you can start discussing what you want in earnest.
Sometimes people are just like this. They need to be pushed in a negative direction to achieve a positive result. Don’t be afraid to do this. You don’t have to be nice. You’re not obligated to be nice.
And remember one very important thing: just because you or she have feelings, even strong ones, doesn’t automatically validate those feelings. Sometimes feelings are misplaced and produce negative emotions and situations. That’s just humanity. That’s just how things are.
Be strategic. Be manipulative. The straightforward approach apparently doesn’t work, so do whatever does.
Now, understand that I have just given you terrible advice. But it will be effective, so use this information and strategy however you see fit.
You started well and then, well, went a bit off the rails?
This sounds more like a good fit for a relationship counselor that can help OP communicate with his gf. That would be a whole lot better than becoming manipulative and shut down
I feel that you too may benefit from counseling, reading what you just wrote
Oh fuck yeah is it terrible advice. But it does work. Giving both of you the opportunity to lash out is rather relaxing when everything now adays is all pent up.