Almost all my life I’ve absolutely despised children. Pretty much from the moment I stopped being a child I’ve hated being around children.
It doesn’t even matter what the child is doing. Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.
I’ve had to leave social gatherings/restaurants/grocery stores all because if I’d stayed I’d have made a complete ass of myself by screaming at a child just for existing.
It’s even worse with infants which makes me feel horrible because I know they can’t help it. I know the kids don’t know any better and it’s our job as adults to get them through childhood, but my blood boils when they get loud or demand attention.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is there anything I can do to stop from getting so angry?
Your mileage may vary, but have you tried over the phone instead of video chat (if it’s an option where you live)? I felt exactly the same about video, but something about over the phone felt chill, I could just “chat with a friend” in my pajamas. Helped me a lot and neither my therapist or I ever actually saw each other.
Or even just messages. I believe that betterhelp offers purely messages for therapy, which would maybe help start a more trusting relationship first. And they could either stick with messages, or if they’re comfortable, move to voice therapy