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Not to “true scotsman” this, but the egg prime directive isn’t saying you can’t have those conversations with people.
This person notably didn’t say “my trans friends told me I was an egg, so I tried HRT just to shut them up.” It sounds like they were aware it was an option through conversations where it wasn’t pushed at them. This person made their own choice.
The egg prime directive is saying that you don’t get to declare someone else’s identity for them. You don’t get to make that choice for them. It’s about consent.
I think most of us would agree that it would be abhorrent to tell someone who is asexual that they just haven’t found the right partner yet and clearly they’re homosexual (or straight or bi) in denial. I see it as the same thing.
And the online culture of labelling other people as eggs is so far removed from the concept of “trying to help someone figure out who they are” that I have a very hard time taking this in good faith. C’mon, of course there are different rules for socialization online vs in person vs with friends.
The egg prime directive makes zero sense in a world of cisnormativity where nobody is allowed to explore gender and arrive at the conclusion that they are, indeed, cis.
Instead, everyone is cis by default, and for some reason some people on the internet decided it was evil to suggest to people showing non-cis traits or behaviors that they, indeed, may not be cis. Sometimes, if someone who insists they’re cisgender hangs out with trans people, knows all the trans lingo and has opposite sex OCs and fantasies about being the opposite sex, you’ve gotta throw a reality check their way. It would be murder not to.
You’re mis-stating the egg prime directive and then arguing that your mis-statement is bad. Which is kind of like a FART mis-stating the trans agenda as “wanting to let boys play girls sports if they wear a skirt for a day.”
(Not to mention the whole cis/trans split papers over the absurd number of various “nonbinary” options.)
The egg prime directive is simply “don’t declare someone else as trans.”. Tell them it’s OK to be trans. Ask them if they are trans. Even go so far as to suggest that they might be, if you know the person and they are struggling.
Just don’t try lecturing someone else on their gender.
I think, though, some people are too eager to throw out what they think is a reality check. Like in the post above, some are terrified of letting other trans people suffer (rightfully so), so they paint with too broad a brush and insist that someone must simply be in denial. I watched MLP, I like cute art and flowers and scented candles, and make female characters in video games because they get better fashion options. Does that mean I’m trans and denying it? No, it doesn’t.
It’s a delicate topic, and I won’t deny that there is a lot of stigma and social momentum against having these kinds of honest conversations about oneself. I’m just afraid that young people who are still trying to figure out who they are might get the wrong idea about themselves if people keep insisting that because you might like the color pink you must therefore be trans.
I watched MLP
I watched MLP with my daughters. I’ve come to the conclusion that the show is basically Star Trek: TNG for little girls, complete with Q. It really is surprisingly good, despite the frilly aesthetic.
That is . . . Distressingly accurate.
The assumption that demonstrating traits not aligned with your gender must make you the other gender is silly, short sighted, needlessly restrictive of potential identities, and in and of itself dangerous. Full stop.
That is the same logic used years back to argue that men who were not traditionally masculine had to be gay. That causes harm as well. Harm I’ve experienced through bullying, ostracization, etc. After hearing that assumption of my sexuality enough times, I suffered confusion about my identity as a teen. Now people are arguing that somehow using that same logic but now it means you’re trans?
I cannot make this any clearer: Present people with their options and allow them to make their own damn choices.
Over a decade later I’m still not particularly masculine, and I am happy in a cishet marriage with a child I am proud to be a father to. Yeah, I’m technically bisexual. I have a single digit number of men I’ve encountered in my 30+ years that I could go for, but I’m not gay which was the identity prescribed to me.
When even the most generous studies show trans people as making up a single digit percentage of the population, it’s silly to argue that there is an intrinsic problem with CIS being the default.
The problem is when people don’t understand that not being cis is an option. Or when they don’t leave options open. Don’t conflate that with the fact that good or bad, cis is factually overwhelmingly the default.
If people are allowed to be whatever they wish (and they should be) then there is room for people who are cis but display traits not aligned with that.
Tomboys exist. Women who demonstrate traditionally masculine traits but are still women. There are also trans men, who may have done the same pre-transistion but are men. There has to be room for both.
Not entirely sure what the term would be, but feminine men exist who are still men and are not trans. There are also trans women.
All of those identities ae valid. Assuming trans because non-conformity is just setting a new needlessly restrictive default.
Lastly, once again I must emphasize that:
your example of someone in a group of friends is NOT what the egg prime directive is about.
Different fucking social situations call for different rules and approaches. For fucks sake.
Yeah, cishet man, tell me how to interact in different social situations. Please tell me more about how cisnormativity isn’t killing trans people left and right.
And there it is. It almost always comes down to “cishet bad”.
Look. I almost killed myself over how many times I was told I had to be gay growing up when I wasn’t. Often by well meaning people. Please don’t turn transness into the new default label for people who aren’t gender conforming.
Amazing how the cis people will tell trans people how to behave, but won’t let trans people tell cis people how to behave.
I wonder why cis people get that privilege…
…decided it was evil to suggest to people showing non-cis traits or behaviors that they, indeed, may not be cis.
From the sources I found, most people take the “Egg Prime Directive” to mean asserting someone’s identify is wrong, not suggesting explanations for how they feel.
If someone didn’t “violate” the egg prime directive, I probably wouldn’t consider myself a form of enby. All thanks to a queer group on discord.
I’ll gladly take a violation of it to help people feel comfortable than making people feel uncomfortable because no one wants to talk about it.
i thought the egg prime directive was to not tell ppl like femboys that they are trans, not people who show signs
lemme double check
edit 1: didn’t find the answer yet but APPARENTLY it’s another damn Star Trek reference. Not important but funny.
edit2:
u/maybe_me_mi 1y ago Bisexual-Transgender
The egg prime directive is not about answering questions or helping when asked for help, but for telling you, when you are not asking for it. Because the chances are very high, that you do not believe the person, and are building even more egg shell then before. If the person comes to you and ask you: Might I be trans, you can freely answer maybe, but I help you figure out. But approching you and telling you without you asking for input, that chances are very very high, that you are saying: no, never - mayne even feel mocked - and start building the next layer of your shell and even break the relationship, so you are not there to help, if you are needed.
I have a cousin, she is trans too, and her reaction to my comeing out was: I could have told you ten years ago. I was angry, did not understand why she did not told me, but she was right, I would not believe her.
Seems the line between helping someone self discover and outright TELLING someone they are trans are different things.
I think it’s just a general “don’t outright tell someone, but help them if they need it” kinda thing?still confused. Can someone who knows more help?
Maybe treat every person as an individual with their own needs and sensitivities? Make your choice based on the people you’re talking to, not randos on the internet who are probably AI engagement farms anyways.
Maybe treat every person as an individual with their own needs and sensitivities?
I agree, that’s what I took away from it. (see the paragraph after the quote)
not randos on the internet
It’s better to learn from other people’s experiences and not run into issues that you could have avoided from learning beforehand.
I agree is good to learn from other people.
I just wanted to highlight that whenever you’re talking to someone on the internet it’s a 50/50 it’s an actual human, and then a 50/50 they are being honest.
