Add to waterfall that the dev team is replaced by a different team from India who don’t speak the same language and are abysmally motivated by abysmal pay. The old devs didn’t even leave the keys for the car, and the new ones are perfectly fine with just letting the engine fire exist because it was not in the management spec to put it out.

In my experience the waterfall one would be either be “a bicycle that was partly transformed into a monster truck when they figured out it needed to carry a lot more load, but kept some bicycle parts” or “a drag car were they installed an engine far too large for the body so it has no hood and the engine is partly out of the car, and yet the car is supposed to be used as a normal city car”.

What’s not shown is that the car doesn’t have an engine. Management was really eager to release it to the customer. Don’t worry, it’s planned to get fixed later (spoiler: it’s never going to get fixed).

First thing I remember, was asking Scrum Master “Why”?
For there were many things I didn’t know
And Scrummy always smiled, took me by the hand
Saying, “Someday you’ll understand”

Well I’m here to tell you now, each and every scrum,
You’d better learn it fast, you’d better learn it young
'Cause tech debt sprint never comes

The time and tears went by, and I collected story points
For there were many things I didn’t know
When Scrummy went away, he said “Try to be a PM
And someday you’ll understand”

Well I’m here to tell you now, each and every scrum,
You’d better learn it fast, you’d better learn it young
'Cause tech debt sprint never comes

And then, one day in April, I wasn’t even there
For there were many things I didn’t know
An intern was given to me, Scrummy held his hand,
Saying “Someday you’ll understand”

Well I’m here to tell you now, each and every scrum
You’d better learn it fast, you’d better learn it young
'Cause tech debt sprint never comes
Ooh, tech debt sprint never comes.

Think it was September, the year I went away
For there were many things I didn’t know
And I still see him standin’, tryin’ to be a PM
I said, “Someday you’ll understand”

Well here I am to tell you, each and every scrum
You’d better learn it fast, you’d better learn it young
'Cause tech debt sprint never comes.
Ooh, tech debt sprint never comes.

we’ll just launch the login feature this month and put out signup next cycle

The Cult Of Agile with its Holy Practices that Must Be Done without actual logical and well thought about reasons (instead, the reason are things like “It’s What It Says In This Agile Holy Book” and/or “That’s What I Saw Other Agile People Do”), is not at all the same as the class of Software Development Processes called Agile.

Then again, Software Development Processes are the kind of thing you tackle at the level of Technical Architect, and since there aren’t really that many genuine Technical Architects (with the actual chops, rather than merelly 5-10 years experience in a single kind of development environment and a title obtained from a company that gives fancy titles as “promotion” instead of a proper salary raise) around, Agile is mostly just blindly followed without true understanding of what it does, what it doesn’t do, how that is does it or why it cannot do it, and thus were and how it actually adds value and were it doesn’t.

The only people who saw the real agile were people in a ski resort. Every company says they do agile now but favors processes and tools over individuals and interactions.

(The ski resort comment is because I believe the people that wrote the manifesto were at a ski lodge when they did.)

AI is just a bunch of wheels and screws in a car shaped contianer

At this point, just put the Cybertruck at the end

Marketing problem. Call it no maintenance.