Also, for the sake of maximising engagement - what mistakes did adults in-general make when interacting with you as a kid, that you avoid replicating today?
Also, for the sake of maximising engagement - what mistakes did adults in-general make when interacting with you as a kid, that you avoid replicating today?
Lots of spanking involving hard shoes. Bonus that my sister and I had to pick the instrument of our prolonged beatings… and if we picked something ‘too soft’ our dad would get a much worse item. Never found out what it would be, but the extra level of terrorism was a nice touch.
Cold, distant mother who was not a victim of abuse as we were. She didn’t care what he did. Your classic malignant narcissist who was expert at praising herself in just about any conversation. ‘Oh you did well in that programming course you just took? My teacher told me I was the best he ever saw’. Both in reference to Visual Basic for an extra level of rank stupidity.
Both of them seemed to view their friends as commodities to be exchanged as soon as they lost their value or someone better came along. I can’t remember how often I got to hear about some ‘friends’ who they didn’t associate with who “didn’t know what they were talking about” in reference to some interest of one or both. Horse riding, wine tasting, etc.
I had alcohol poisoning at 12 due to both their view we should be able to drink at dinner (absolutely fine in a vacuum) but having the kind of friends they did at the party this happened at.
My mom tried to get me to at least puff on a cigarette when I was 5… I already thought her smoking was gross so I didn’t.
And my favorite was at 7 when I suffered a severe TBI that resulted in swelling on my brain and diagnosis that I needed surgery at alleviate it. My mother, a mildly famous biochemist who was conveniently anti science in most of her views, realized I need some veggie smoothies and psychic healing instead. Phew, good thing it doesn’t cause problems to this day almost a half century later.
Maybe that’s why I just shrugged when she died a couple weeks ago.
I’ve tried exceptionally hard to not be them, both in adult relationships and those with my stepdaughter and her kids. I’m not terribly close with the former by her choice (none of the family is as since she joined a VERY fundamentalist church and went all in on madness) but both of our grandkids are a nearly daily part of my life.