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I see people badmouthing this but it sounds like a case of 1. It’s easy to forget and stop seeing the beauty that you see every day and 2. A lighthearted corporate goal stated to try to get people to come together and just take a moment to appreciate some of nature’s beauty
Yea, I don’t see the problem with this. I have annual goals at work. If this was an official goal for me, I’d be thrilled. Easy exceeded expectations for that one.
I see what they tried to go for, but enforcing stuff like that is not good. Because forced good feelings always just do the opposite.
Who said this is even tracked, let alone enforced? Drawing the conclusion that it’s enforced seems like a bit of a leap.
That said, if my boss said that to me it would probably sit poorly with me in the moment purely because I just want to focus on my job and GTFO, I don’t particularly want to pine for outside when I’m stuck anyways. It’s corny and not particularly inspiring, but nothing wrong with it on its face. If somebody was clocking such things that’s a huge “find another corporate wage slave camp to sink your labor into” flag.
They said it was a Q2 goal. It will definitely be tracked and not participating will be held against you.
Setting it as a quarterly goal, with those examples, makes it sound like it’s very much a joke and nothing else to me.
A company goal, set with exact numbers? That does sound like quite a bit more coercion than a simple “Guys, look at the cool river we have here. Let’s be grateful for the good things we have.”
I mean, corporate goals aren’t always tracked or enforced. Officially stated corporate goals and values are used to help set priorities and culture, and including a goal of appreciating the environment the office is located in can be referenced in political pushes to further improve the workplace, such as encouraging (paid) early release on especially nice days, or setting up workplace picnics or even a workplace volunteer day. Or it can simply be a half-jokingly stated goal to take a moment to breath and appreciate the world around you that’s entirely untrackable and unenforceable
they hired guards to patrol the office and record comments on the river to ensure each worker met their quota
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If I’m going to be ground down by the corporate machine for money, I don’t need them taunting me with what I can’t have anymore.
I dunno, a beautiful view is a perk, it’s so much nicer than just walls. We used to be in a high up office by the bay, and osprey would land on the balcony, so exciting, or sometimes groups of crows talking to each other. Once we saw a waterspout, ominously tracking across the water like a tornado. Looking out those windows was so restorative, and people (not me) would also take breaks to run across the bridge & back as a workout. As a goal it’s silly, sure. But as a benefit, a nice view is nothing to scoff at.
Now the office moved so close I can walk to work which I think is better, but I miss those windows. Although there are mitigation ponds at this office park with gorgeous birds, herons and egrets and ducks and cormorants and I sometimes see this guy on my way in, too. All this to say I do think a nice view of a river is something to enjoy, yes even at work, and asking people to recognize that, while kinda condescending, is not crazy.
First thing monday morning.
Looks at river, “If I was in that river Id be so wet right now.”
Boss starts looking worried.
“I bet if that river splashed me in the face we’d need two towels to clean it all up!”
Then I dont need to comment on it again until next monday.
“Boy, that river is moving pretty fast. I bet if I fell in you wouldn’t be able to find my body for weeks…”
From: jrandom@company.tld
To: everyone@company.tld
Subject: River observations 2026-04-27Everyone,
I would like to point out that the river appears to be wet. I would also like to observe that I saw at least three (3) separate ducks on the river so far.
We will revisit this topic next Monday as per company guidelines.
J. Random
Widget Testing Dept.Clearly, this needs to be a meeting with 20 people. We need to get consensus on the number and color of ducks, and what to do about them. Plus there’s the more elementary question of whether water can be wet.
It needs to be 2 hours. The only slot that everyone has free is during lunch, so I booked that.
next week…
I just want to go down and slowly insert two of my fingers into that river and feel how wet it it! Then id pull them out and watch it slowly run down my arm.
I bet it smells like fish…
ok im good until next week!
Keep going. This is doing something for me.
Bros gooning to river smut
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well shit… my top comment is going to be about fucking a river now I guess…
Boss starts looking worried.
…because he thinks you’ve discovered his fetish.
Three… Three towels?
Four towels is a bit excessive don’t you think?
That’s… actually kinda cute? I mean, it has a Michael Scott vibe to it? Like he’s trying really hard to get them to appreciate the river? I believe I might be overusing the questionmark? Oh my god I can’t stop? Send help?
Help: ‽
Where?
The river, the one with all the ducks.
What kind of boat do you suppose that is?
Probably the buoyant kind?
And she wants to plant mines… Does she hate ducks? I’m not following any of this
Here have some more in case you run out -???
Edit: Removed the question mark that was used in Seth’s comment below.
Thank you?
Just don’t use them all in one place.
Why commit to an opinion when everything can just be a question.
Depending on the situation, might be related to rto
“Imagine diving down to the bottom, expelling all the air from your lungs, and just waiting for the river’s sweet embrace to take you. I hear it’s a surprisingly peaceful way to go. I yearn for that with all my being. Monday mornings, eh? Do these windows open?”
How would you know that it’s a peaceful way to go if people who have tried it all died and cannot tell us how it feels?
You need help.
We all do
I’m all good. This was just a comment for shits and giggles.
Wait, what? Unless that’s an allegory for AI or something, that actually sounds pretty nice.
I think that’s the takeaway… well assuming “yearning for the mines” isn’t being used sarcastically.
I’m way overthinking this. To me, it sounds like someone proposed to move to a cheaper location. Some other manager asked for this to “prove” this improves morale and the river view office should be kept Who knows
Maybe she’s the only one with a window and is sick of everyone intruding to see?
Just repeat whatever an AI says, no matter how absurd. Bonus points for reading it in a robotic voice.
This also gets you your compliance points for using AI in everything.
“That body of water is soooo wet… It’s so long, and moisssst…just GUSHING with dihydrogen monoxide.”
You have to be kind of a fucked up person if you can’t appreciate the river.
Rotting in the mines is probably where you belong if you can’t appreciate the river.
Later during performance review:
“I noticed you are having issues staying on task; you need to minimize the distractions around you to make sure this doesn’t become problematic for work”
Ngl I would have a ball with this.
“Hey boss you excited for the beginning of trout spawning season?”
sounds like a joke or lighthearted attempt at socializing.
Say both of those on a Monday when you come in and your goals are all met!
easy peasy
The river brings life. The river brings prosperity.
Just spam “from the river to the sea” all day every day.
Plot twist. Boss is actually the river and just wants to hear nice things about it.
Maybe he doesn’t remember that he’s a river?
Sounds like an anime plot to me! “Old Man River: How I Discovered My Boss is an 8000-Year Old River God”
Not enough words, gotta double that. Also wouldn’t hurt if it was an Isikai, somehow tied in game elements, had a harem of some sort but he was too oblivious to realize, and the fan service episode needs to be on a beach at the river.
I’d watch it haha.
