Trying to get some input for someone else. Was thinking of upskilling, finding a group, developing a hobby, guided activities. Any ideas?
When you grow up, you will feel that not a lot of people care about what you think or look or do and it just over time gave me confidence to be not giving any fucks at all about what people think hahah
Thanks. Dunno if his issue is that people actively pick on him, or if he doesnt know how to connect with others, e.g. not knowing how to engage. One is external, the other internal. But i do recognize that its tough being a kid these days.
I didn’t. I’m still awkward. But that hasn’t stopped me from living my life.
Unironically, season 1 of Dexter was a big help in jumpstarting it. Bringing baked goods is still my #1 strategy of getting on someone’s good side, especially at work haha
I was at a party with my parents one day celebrating our national day. I decided right there that I was going to talk to someone and I started up a conversation with an old gentleman which I was able to carry for a good long time. From then on, every time I was at a social event with people I didn’t know, I talked to at least one person.
Then when I was able to drink, I’d stop in at a bar and strike up conversation with random people. Alcohol helped a lot.
Alcohol is the Great Social Lubricant. There a lots of activities that allow for some responsible drinking while having fun with friends or new people, like student associations, sport teams, Renaissance fairs, concerts, house parties, etc. Just get a drink and go talk to people. You’ll probably do some stupid stuff as well, but at least that makes for good stories.
Turned alcoholic
The reverse of that process sucks. I have trouble being in social situations that last longer than 30 minutes unless I’m actively engaged in something. I thought I was a very social person. Turns out I was just an alcoholic who overshares.
Dude, that is my hone town in a nutshell. Nothing to say until they get a few beer in. And I do feel that myself, I was never a heavy drinker or even an alcoholic, but when I am with people that are interesting, nice, friendly, but not someone “like me”, I have such an easier time talking to them and being part of the group when I’m a few drinks in. I hate it, it’s part of the reason why I am usually very careful around drugs: they fucking work too well.
Yes well, i often just get bored of people. Maybe you too? Perhaps there are more jntresting ones out there
Get a job where you deal with the public.
You’ll get paid and you will learn quickly.
I had an autism diagnosis. I found a friend with even more autism through school. Thats kinda it
In 10th grade, my best friend moved away and I realized I had very few friends left. I had spent middle school considering myself part of the “social outcast” group that didn’t really fit into any of the cliques. What I did was find the lunch table that other students I shared classes with and sat there listening to them talk. Sometimes all the seats were full and I sat at a different table, but eventually as I got to understand the people and dynamics at play I started chiming in a little more until eventually I was part of the friend group.
From there I felt more comfortable talking to more people, so I did until eventually in senior year there were folks saying hi to me while walking down the hall pretty frequently, I knew most people in my graduating class of 350 to some degree, and for some reason I was voted prom king.
I had the benefit of being in the same school district from grades 1-12 so I had had most of my life to that point to learn names, but my core advice remains the same. I became less awkward (or at least good enough at owning being awkward to not matter) by befriending new people, and I befriended new people by inserting myself into a friend group over time, and I did that by just being present and quiet until I felt comfortable enough to speak up more.
Sinking into depression
I read some of the stoics and then did a shit tonne of therapy.
I did a horrible and dangerous job for 2 years while undergoing the most intensive psychotherapy that exists. It improved my social skills, developed a skillset that’s rare and highly valued in my chosen field, and completely recalibrated my sense of hardship.
This is what i did for my own journey. Trying to find the angle how to encourage him to try it for himself.
The therapy was integral; it helped me contextualize the experience properly. Not everyone can afford it and that’s important to mention.
Different settings, jobs, locations.
Also, and this will be very unpopular, but beer really helped. Not at work or during the day (thankfully), but alcohol unlocked me socially and improved my confidence as I met more and more people while I traveled. Not that I’m recommending teens do this, and it’s probably illegal for them in the US anyway, but for me it was a fantastic social lubricant.
finding a group wont stick unless you have a level of cohesion, which takes you being comfortable. I agree with your thoughts that can be via a study/hobby/shared interest. But a big bonus of this is your happiness.
Figure what makes you happy, this is not things…this is something that makes you feel peacefull, fullfilled, excited to be part of.
Use your comfort routines, but not to a detriment. Hiding is a comfort but not helpful to the end goal. Test the boundaries of being around people, practice small breathing techniques. There are lots of others just like you doing the same thing despite appearances.
Likewise there is always an arsehole. Everywhere, there is one at school, one at work, one on your street. Learning to spot them and live with them is uncomfy but is a good skill lifelong.
As others have said learning not give a fuck about what people think of you is liberating, however its also a balance as friendships need cultivating, this is part of routine, they are not just a need them when you need them thing.
Good luck, trying is the first step. I hope happiness finds you, and wraps you up.
It takes a while to learn how to not give a fuck about what people think of you. But in a respectable way of course. If you stop giving a fuck you can just be yourself. Took me at least until I was 25 before I could really be myself. Looking at the people around me that age can definitely be much lower or even higher though. I still care about what some people in my life think about me, and I try to live up to their expectations because I love them.
Your idea of doing social activities is a pretty good idea too. Meeting all kinds of different people is a good way to get out of your shell and you’ll automatically care less about what they might think of you because if it doesn’t click with them that’s perfectly fine and you can just continue your journey.
The secret, it applies to everything in life: No one cares about what you do, who you are, or what clothes you wear.
upskilling
Feel free, you’re free, no one cares! Upskilling would be dancing lessons for an awkward guy/girl who doesn’t know dancing is fun.
find a group
Find a group that does what you like or what you may like. Go one step further. If you feel that it could be interesting in a parallel universe, even if it’s not your passion right now, try it.
hobby
What do you like? Take it to 11, write a blog, be an expert, you have all the time in your life!
