I’ve lost 3 men in my life to suicide, 1 very close and very recently. What resources can I engage with to help. Literally what can I do, outside of generic advice, what’s an action I can proactively take. Are suicide hotlines still a thing? Is being an operator on there possible and what qualifications are there.
Basically, you need to first be close enough to help in the first place. Just showing someone you care is nice, but online comments and assurances can only do so much when the person is actively suffering.
Sadly, it usually comes down to money in one form or another. If they can’t cover medical and living expenses, and believe they will be unable to work, and left to rot alive on the street, they will just cut their losses.
If they live with chronic pain, or some other awful disease, again, money would help (painkillers, not worrying about work on top of that, and having time to cope and distract yourself). But just knowing that they will never be them former selves again, and that they will live for life with the condition, is usually enough for them to end their lives, and it is very hard to keep them from the brink.
Most people are social, and some will actually kill themselves out of despair, if they feel no one trully cares about them. So, these people not only need a friend, but obviously would benefit greatly from therapy.
One thing I noticed consistently, is that society is usually structured in such a way, to take anything worth living for from people, then someone comes along just long enough to pull them back from the brink, leaving them in the same conditions that made them suicidal. Then it’s baffling when they do off themselves.
If we really want people to live, we need living conditions for them. But there is a massive discrepancy in what we say we believe in, and how we actually treat people. For example, we believe in equality, but very much look down on rural, low-class people, associating being born in a poor region with MAGA.
In a lot of cases money. They need enough money to basically retire on and do things. Not just enough to scrape by on.
I absolutely have suicide in my retirement plans.
The sad harsh reality is that, there’s not much that could be done unless you’re to commit them to therapy or have a wellness check summoned on them.
Suicide hotlines are only as good if someone suicidal has the willpower to call them, unfortunately, that’s either here or there.
But if someone wants to really go, they’re going to go and there’s nothing you can do about it.
I’ll have to be cautious about this advice, as I’m not a therapist, but: Ask for help with something. Any task they could be more qualified for, or that you need a second person, rely on them a bit. When they help you, thank them wholeheartedly, even with a gesture like a gift.
People like to feel that they’re needed and appreciated, that they have some worthiness in people’s eyes. But don’t fault yourself for lack of this action - it’s impossible for everyone to do this for everyone they know, and self-harmful minds do a lot to hide themselves.
Best of luck.
This was what kept my suicidal ideation just that. I was in a place of deep suffering but my dog needed me to wake up semi regularly. A buddy would need to talk about something now then. Somebody needed help moving. Even work, while also being part of problem gave me something to be a part of.
I know you’re struggling, but you’re not going to like my answer.
I walked that particular path when I was young. Did the counseling, took the pills, went to group therapy. The whole stick.
In the end nobody can rescue you, you have to choose to live. And it’s hellishly hard to do that when depression is crushing you. It is a shear act of will by the individual, and you have minimal ability to influence it.
In the end, I chose to take the pills, and do the counseling, but they never really helped. I kept saying to myself, well if this doesn’t work out, i can always kill myself tomorrow.
What really helped was just finding something to do. I did scuba classes, karate classes, sculpting classes, living history reenactment, nature hikes. I took an enormous effort to do them. It was like walking through syrup and the world was always gray. But if i’d stopped, i’d be dead.
I’m not and have never been suicidal. I appreciate what you’ve said though.
??? I never implied you were. I was talking about your ability to affect others.
Edit: probably shouldn’t have used the word “you” so much. It’s just my writing style.
It’s okay, I appreciate the response I just wanted to make sure that was clear.
👌
It depends very strongly on the reasons.
But as someone who had severe struggles with this and still thinks about it from time to time (since live is fucking hard and some developments also absolutely not helping) I would also wish for something that might sound very hard.
Letting go.
Kinda surprised no one’s mentioned 988 yet. (Edit, okay yeah I saw it.) It’s relatively new but it’s absolutely a thing. I also happen to know the VA has a crisis line as well if anyone can use that. They promote it often.
In my experience there’s two types of suicidal people. One is the person who talks about it frequently, sometimes jokingly, sometimes not, and that person is easy. They’re asking for help and for someone to intervene. They want to be stopped.
The second one is the one we should worry about. They’re dead set on taking their own life and will make sure they can’t be stopped. They’ll make a plan quietly, secretly. They’ll carry out the plan when no one is around. They may even look okay, because often a person who has made the final decision to do it will appear calm and happy. If you suspect such a thing, the only thing you can truly do is make sure they never get the opportunity. Make sure they’re never alone. Keep them talking. Watch their mood. Tell others in their circle to do the same.
Which brings me to another point: Call in the cavalry. You don’t have to fight someone’s suicidal ideation by yourself. Get their friends and family around them to move them towards professional help, because it’s a group effort.
As far as real, actionable advise, that’s really the best I can offer.
Well, 988 is presumably a national offering, since these short numbers don’t route internationally…
I think one thing that would help someone depressed is to be with them and not expect them to have energy to reach out (And also respecting what they want). Of course considering ones own mental resources and not burning yourself out. And supporting them in getting help.
Everyone has their own reasons for being depressed, sometimes unknown even to themselves. Another thing that would help is to support the depressed person in working towards solution to their reason, if its something you can help with. Or helping them find something else that can help.
Just dont wear yourself out, then you cant help anyone. The professionals should do the “heavy lifting” but one can be there in someones life to support.
Imo its better to help few people a lot than help many people a little. (helping someone personally vs answering phone, but hotlines are important too. They just treat the symptoms though)
There are still appropriate crisis hotlines all over the world.
If there’s someone in your life that you feel is slipping into that trap, show them that you care. And I don’t mean tell them that you care, show them. When I was in that pit words were utterly meaningless. People say kind things all the time that they don’t actually mean. But when my mom showed up to my door at 2 am, worried because I didn’t return her texts that day, I felt that. I felt that through the numbness of depression and SSRIs.
Ultimately though, as the other poster said, it was up to me whether I kept going or not. The thing that helped me was going out to get breakfast alone on Saturday morning. Feeling the sun on my skin, watching the birds, and eating a good meal eventually helped me come around. That, and getting away from the situation and people that caused the depression in the first place.
Being out in nature has repeatedly been shown to boost mental health.
Inviting a depressed friend to join you for even very short outdoor activities might really help, especially if done regularly.
Hey, I work for a mental health call center, we take several lines and one of them is the 988 line. Many places will actually take volunteers, and they’ll give you the training you need. If you want help looking for volunteer opportunities in your area, feel free to DM me and I can help locate those with you.
If you want other suggestions of how to help, I have many!
Messaged.
Care for yourself and be yourself when you are around them.
If you feel happy be happy around them.
Ask them if they have considered therapy.
Ask them if they’ve done sports
Ask them if they have looked into their nutrition
If they say no to all of these questions try to not put too much preassure on yourself.
If they say yes to any or all those question try to not put too much preassure on yourself.
Feel for ya bro. I lost someone very close too. Truth is its not always easy to tell if someone is close to the edge.
Encourage talking about problems/feelings.
If someone tells you they are suicidal, get them to seek medical help. Hound them until they have spoken to a doctor.
Remember that they are responsible for their own wellbeing. You cannot control what they do. Ultimately that’s on them.
!mentalhealth@lemmy.world or !mensmentalhealth@lemmy.world might have information for you
I’m very very sorry for your loss.
Suicide hotlines are very much still a thing, and you typically don’t need any kind of license or degree. I think many are volunteers.
There are also likely outreach programs in your area, if you search for them, and they frequently need volunteers. Helping people to access services is one of the more effective ways to prevent deaths, especially for high-risk populations like: addiction, lgbt, homeless.
If you’re looking to make a (paying) career change for this, there are also entry level jobs in behavioral health at inpatient and outpatient centers.
