There are lots of reasons for using a smartphone beyond avoiding engaging in conversation though. Looking things up, sharing contact info, planning another date, paying for the meal/event, even going to a movie can almost require an app.
I’m not saying these would be the majority of the time or anything, but not using your phone whatsoever is more of a limitation than you’d think.
It’s only been 2 years since my last “first date”. I know the world moves pretty fast, but I’d be shocked to discover that in the last 24 months the world went from “can be traversed without looking at your phone” to not.
I guess I’d turn it around on you: NOT using your phone is NOT as much of a limitation as you’d think.
Also, so many stupid things we do on our phone are things that could be an interaction with your date instead. What WAS that movie with Brendan Fraser with The Rock? Where IS that restaurant with no lights and all the servers are blind? What time is it? What direction is the river from here? What nationality is Santa Claus? How far north would we have to go so that Zombies would be frozen solid for at least 3 months per year? The point of a date is to attempt to form a bond, and it’s the shared journey that gets you there, not the successful and efficient completion of independent tasks.
Obviously, if the only way to pay for the meal is to tap your phone, tap your phone. The PHONE isn’t the enemy. It’s that you’re your own enemy, and that your nervousness and awkwardness is going to try to push you into the comfort of your phone for reasons that you REALLY don’t need to be on your phone for. Embrace the awkwardness and as much as physically possible lean on your date for anything you imagine your phone can do.
Oh, I don’t disagree, people opt-out of being present in favor of their phones far too often. I’m just reminding us of the context of hiding your social, financial, and often legal, sci-fi multi-tool. Reducing usage and eliminating usage can be very different things for many people.
Yeah, it’s not great if you think about it, but it’s standard. I’m not here to be a prescriptivist; I’m just describing my experience (and it’s a common one in the US of A).
My brother in Christ you sound like you’ve never been to a restaurant with waiters. And regardless you also literally just said “Most places you just pay with your phone or your card” after asking how he would pay if he couldn’t use his phone. You literally already know the answer to your own question.
Well, you could pull up your phone for a short while if you excuse yourself and preferably tell the other person what you’re doing. “Excuse me, I just have to find the tickets on my phone”. This goes for any time you’re talking to another person, btw, not just dates, otherwise you’re being disrespectful to the people around you.
Holy shit I’ve got some boomer energy, here:
The reason to not take out your phone isn’t because someone might hate on your phone.
You don’t take out your phone on a date so that you can be giving that person your full attention.
There are lots of reasons for using a smartphone beyond avoiding engaging in conversation though. Looking things up, sharing contact info, planning another date, paying for the meal/event, even going to a movie can almost require an app.
I’m not saying these would be the majority of the time or anything, but not using your phone whatsoever is more of a limitation than you’d think.
People with existing family trying to date, like a single parent checking on their kids. For sure the blanket no phone attitude is unrealistic.
Despite the boomer energy, I’m not actually one.
It’s only been 2 years since my last “first date”. I know the world moves pretty fast, but I’d be shocked to discover that in the last 24 months the world went from “can be traversed without looking at your phone” to not.
I guess I’d turn it around on you: NOT using your phone is NOT as much of a limitation as you’d think.
Also, so many stupid things we do on our phone are things that could be an interaction with your date instead. What WAS that movie with Brendan Fraser with The Rock? Where IS that restaurant with no lights and all the servers are blind? What time is it? What direction is the river from here? What nationality is Santa Claus? How far north would we have to go so that Zombies would be frozen solid for at least 3 months per year? The point of a date is to attempt to form a bond, and it’s the shared journey that gets you there, not the successful and efficient completion of independent tasks.
Obviously, if the only way to pay for the meal is to tap your phone, tap your phone. The PHONE isn’t the enemy. It’s that you’re your own enemy, and that your nervousness and awkwardness is going to try to push you into the comfort of your phone for reasons that you REALLY don’t need to be on your phone for. Embrace the awkwardness and as much as physically possible lean on your date for anything you imagine your phone can do.
Oh, I don’t disagree, people opt-out of being present in favor of their phones far too often. I’m just reminding us of the context of hiding your social, financial, and often legal, sci-fi multi-tool. Reducing usage and eliminating usage can be very different things for many people.
Yeah, that’s my immediate thought as well. Attention is huge.
So how are you paying?
What do you mean?
You pay for your meal via contactless right? So you have to get your phone out.
No one saying they get your phone out in the meal. It’s just if you get your phone out at any point on a first date, they’ll see it right?
I pay with a bag full of small change I got from begging in the street, like all Android users.
Excuse me while I take the expandable memory out of the expandable memory slot on my phone with decent features.
Hey buddy, you got a spare gigabyte?
At a sit-down place, you normally give your card to the waitstaff once they bring the check/receipt. There’s no tap-to-pay terminal they bring to you.
You should not ever let someone take your bank card out of your sight! Where are you where this is accepted!?
That’s the norm in all of the US
Mental, is there a lot of fraud and identity theft?
Yeah, it’s not great if you think about it, but it’s standard. I’m not here to be a prescriptivist; I’m just describing my experience (and it’s a common one in the US of A).
That’s not how it works everywhere in the world. Most places you just pay with your phone or your card.
My brother in Christ you sound like you’ve never been to a restaurant with waiters. And regardless you also literally just said “Most places you just pay with your phone or your card” after asking how he would pay if he couldn’t use his phone. You literally already know the answer to your own question.
I’ve been plenty of restaurants just not the same restaurants you’ve been to honestly it’s like you don’t think that cultures change across the world.
Uh…I pay for stuff with the little plastic card in my wallet, or the greenish pieces of strangely stiff paper.
I haven’t ever set up any kind of payment stuff on my phone and I’ve never had any issue paying for anything.
Card? Cash? I can’t think of the last time I paid with my phone at a sit-down restaurant.
Huh? But what if you need to like…get somewhere? Or pull up some tickets or something?
Well, you could pull up your phone for a short while if you excuse yourself and preferably tell the other person what you’re doing. “Excuse me, I just have to find the tickets on my phone”. This goes for any time you’re talking to another person, btw, not just dates, otherwise you’re being disrespectful to the people around you.
Now tell em to fuck off our lawns!