Almost all my life I’ve absolutely despised children. Pretty much from the moment I stopped being a child I’ve hated being around children.

It doesn’t even matter what the child is doing. Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.

I’ve had to leave social gatherings/restaurants/grocery stores all because if I’d stayed I’d have made a complete ass of myself by screaming at a child just for existing.

It’s even worse with infants which makes me feel horrible because I know they can’t help it. I know the kids don’t know any better and it’s our job as adults to get them through childhood, but my blood boils when they get loud or demand attention.

Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is there anything I can do to stop from getting so angry?

  • NABDad@lemmy.worldEnglish
    1138·
    1 year ago

    I’m just a dickhead on the Internet, but what you’re describing doesn’t sound normal or healthy to me. Have you tried therapy?

    • ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.worldOP
      633·
      1 year ago

      I’ve done therapy a few times now and we never really covered this.

      It doesn’t help that I live in a small town so the therapists here are extremely underqualified for actual mental illness and not just helping people through “tough” times

        • ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.worldOP
          393·
          1 year ago

          I’ve tried that more times than actual in person therapy and it’s extremely hard for me to form the emotional attachment necessary for me to let my guard down and bare my thoughts and feelings.

          It feels so fake and forced. I feel more like a subject being examined than a patient there for care

          • rynzcycle@kbin.social
            25·
            1 year ago

            Your mileage may vary, but have you tried over the phone instead of video chat (if it’s an option where you live)? I felt exactly the same about video, but something about over the phone felt chill, I could just “chat with a friend” in my pajamas. Helped me a lot and neither my therapist or I ever actually saw each other.

            • kautau@lemmy.world
              4·
              1 year ago

              Or even just messages. I believe that betterhelp offers purely messages for therapy, which would maybe help start a more trusting relationship first. And they could either stick with messages, or if they’re comfortable, move to voice therapy

          • Lmaydev@programming.dev
            162·
            1 year ago

            At the end of the day with therapy you get out what you put in. They can’t help you work through issues if they don’t know what they are.

            I recently had a breakdown and attended therapy. I decided from the start I’d just be completely open and throw everything I have at them.

            It was massively helpful and has transformed my life.

            It’s their job to listen and not judge and they’ve definitely heard much much worse stuff.

          • Chobbes@lemmy.world
            7·
            1 year ago

            I get that, but for what it’s worth… You really can kind of just dump it on them. They’re not allowed to share it, and they’re often happy to just get to the point sometimes. Though it does feel more transactional that way.

          • TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee
            1·
            1 year ago

            yeah tele medicine isn’t always great. the bond is important, and it’s harder to build that way.

            keep checking out your town. even a small town is gonna have a decent number of therapists. don’t worry too much about their expertise. if they’re licensed, they have the training to help you. trust that and focus on the bond.