I have anger issues, which I can’t control. I am considered conventionally attractive (though I don’t see it) and many people think I’m cool and want to be around me.
Like I said, though, I have anger issues where I will act quite aggressively towards people. One time, someone I knew said hi to me, so I screamed “I HEARD YOU”. I also tend to type very dryly and with periods when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that).
My friend doesn’t talk to me as much and I really don’t get why because even when I’m “aggressive”, it’s tough love and I’m trying to help them. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be like that.
I’m even like this with guys I’ve dated and I love them not as brothers.
Women also piss me off more than men do, so I hang out more with them because I feel like they get me and aren’t as bitchy. (Part of the reason why I’m bi curious but never found a woman I’d date, excluding one I almost went out with).
While I do tend to praise men and ignore women, as some people say, it’s tough love since I think women should be the best versions of themselves :) [I believe this is why society is so hard on women as a whole]
But yeah, TLDR; My mood problems impact the people I care about, and I’m wondering if it’s a turn off since some people don’t want to be around me rather than loving me for me.
I have a reason for my actions, people just choose to ignore those reasons and misinterpret me.
My friend doesn’t talk to me as much and I really don’t get why because even when I’m “aggressive”, it’s tough love and I’m trying to help them. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be like that.
Gonna be real here this is straight up abuser language.
Yes, anger problems are a turnoff for pretty much everyone but a handful of people with psychological problems.
You need to address your anger issues, because no one should be asked to ignore being abused regardless of your reasons for it. Until you fix you, it’s unfair to expect others to deal with it.
Get therapy, because most of what you said in your post is very troubling and shows that you have a disconnect from reality
Do you mind pointing me towards that handful of people?
They’re usually also angry and abusive people too
Sorry mate, but it sounds like you’re absolutely in the wrong and need to work on your anger issues instead of waving your hand at people for not understanding you.
I have a reason for my actions, people just choose to ignore those reasons and misinterpret me.
People acknowledge your reasons but it’s no excuse for shouting or lashing out. You can try anger management or trying to keep your voice lower when you’re mad, or at least apologizing when getting genuinely mad at someone.
Yeah seeing OP type “I can’t control that” so many times about anger was wild.
I understand you can’t control the initial feeling of anger but you absolutely can control how you respond to it coming.
The lack of understanding that indeed, you may struggle to control it, BUT YOU’RE STILL RESPONSIBLE FOR IT
But they DESERVE ITTTT 😣
As a sports fan, I hate when people are bad at things. Why even try if you suck, honestly?
Loser talk. Do you see the masturbatory way you are reveling in these negative responses? Will you acknowledge you are dwelling in hyper negativity, seemingly for the lulz?
If you don’t understand why people do something even if they ‘suck’ at it, then you’re asking others to do something you’re not willing to do yourself.
If you were being physically abusive and couldn’t help it, would you still think they should accept that as just ‘you being you’? Would you accept it? You are verbally abusive when you don’t like something, perhaps even if they can’t help it… They practice passive avoidance if they don’t like something.
Maybe some people didn’t care of they win and play games to HAVE FUN. Telling them they suck, will probably make that less fun.
Also, everybody sucks when they first try. By continuing to try they get better. If you refuse to do anything that you aren’t naturally good at, you are a coward.
It just makes me so mad, like I said, I can’t control it too well. And that’s not so true, I was good at basketball AND volleyball on the first try.
What about baseball and track?
Because the way to improve skills, athleticism, ability to play an instrument, basically anything…
Is practice.
Training.
Sure, some people are naturally better or worse at certain things than others.
Not everyone will turn out equally better given the same amount and style of training.
But all of the initial different starting aptitudes at a certain skill vanish into meaninglessness against a person who consistently trains and practices, that person will be considerably more talented than any ‘natural’, 99% of the time.
Also… some people, most people do things because they enjoy doing them.
Not because they need or want to be better than others.
If your goal is to have fun, develop a skill, stay in shape, have fun… you’re always winning, even if you aren’t literally the best.
… And if you do try to always be the literal best… there’s almost always someone better if you keeo advancing into higher skilled competition levels and even if you are truly the best… you won’t be forever. You’ll get an injury, make a mistake, or just get old.
I bet they don’t practice 😂
They need to and still suck. I practice just like they “practice”. I don’t practice often, but I’m still better.
Also, wanted to say this, why do you care about having competition so much? If you were truly better than everyone else, you wouldn’t have competition.
The anger I could work around, but saying “I can’t control it” shows a lack of introspection that would be an instant giant red flag to run away, fast and far. Good luck, friend. We all deserve love.
Even more, it’s the justifying it with the “I’m just trying to help them” and “tough love” bullshit. That’s not a mood problem, or anything like that. That is being abusive (not that they are mutually exclusive).
Yeah. I’m sorry, but I don’t even know you, and I already don’t want to be around you.
You’re right that people should accept you for being you, but they aren’t obligated to put themselves in unpleasant situations.
Finding a way to control your emotions will help ALL of your relationships.
Yes. Especially if you are not even working on it and just say “that’s how I am”, because it implies a complete disregard for how your actions (actions, not feelings) affect other people.
It’s exhausting to be around someone who is always angry. That doesn’t mean there is nobody who would “like you for you” but it will limit your potential pool of friends a lot, yes.
Yes. If you can’t control it then you need to work on the first before hurting others.
Nobody’s going to want to be around you if you’re volatile and hurtful. And “I can’t help it” is a thin excuse. These are things you absolutely could control, you just have to try.
You sound young. Get control of yourself and develop some empathy. And while you’re at it, do something about your internalized misogyny. These two passages ought to create some cognitive dissonance for you:
Women also piss me off more than men do, so I hang out more with them because I feel like they get me and aren’t as bitchy.
I think women should be the best versions of themselves :) [I believe this is why society is so hard on women as a whole]
Yeah, it’s a turn off. Doesn’t matter if it’s friends, partners, work, whatever, if you’re unstable, you aren’t going to be welcome company.
It doesn’t matter why, it doesn’t even matter if you’re justified. Nobody likes am asshole for long.
See, love is not magic. It isn’t something that gives a person blanket immunity to assholery. To the contrary, if someone loves you, and you claim to love them, you should be giving them your best self, not relying on their love to just gloss over you being an asshole
It’s like the whole concept of family being where you can just be yourself. Yeah, you can. Family is going to forgive a lot because you’re family. But that doesn’t mean you get to be an asshole and they’re obligated to forgive you. It means that you give them the best of yourself, and they forgive your and love you when you fall.
If you’re working on your anger issues, that’s great. Good friends will stick by you. But that doesn’t mean they have to put up with your shit. A good friend won’t put up with your shit, they’ll tell you you’re being an asshole, to stop it, refuse to let you continue, and offer you help to get better. That’s love, not pretending there isn’t a problem.
You absolutely can gain some degree of control over your anger. Even obstacles like severe neurological issues don’t prevent some control being gained.
But nobody, and I mean nobody, not your parents or anyone is obligated to put up with your shit and let you stay in their lives when you won’t put in the minimum effort into improving.
If i simply said hi to someone and they screamed I HEARD YOU, I would literally think fine then I won’t say hi again.
This is something called human nature. If you act like an ass to me then I will stop talking to you. The fact that you don’t see that says not only do you have anger issues, I would ask if you are sociopathic or bipolar. You need serious help either way. Even if you aren’t either of those you need to figure out how to fix this. You won’t have many friends if you keep going this way.
You call it tough love but trust be very few people on the entire planet would call it anything other then being an asshole.
There is a way to help people without being a jerk about it.
To answer the question of : do people find it a turnoff?
Hell yes. Why would they find it any other thing then a turn off? People don’t enjoy being treated that way.
You praise men and ignore women and you think that’s ok. That’s a serious disconnect from reality. Wanting women to improve themselves is good, but this is NOT the way to do it.
Again I would encourage you to get help.
Thank you. I’ll try to get a therapist and work on it.
Sadly, only two people want to still hang out with me and the rest are A holes. They and I like to talk about how much we hate being around people (it’s EXHAUSTINGGG) and frankly, how useless everyone is. They can lend an ear and agree with me on how it’s basically us against the world, so why can’t my other friends be as decent? It’s what I don’t get :(
That entire second paragraph… Needs to be your opening statement to your therapist. They can help you figure out what is wrong with it and how to help you.
I am no where near qualified to answer it for you.
Sounds like a bit of an echo chamber, do other people like hanging out with these two friends? If they do, maybe try emulation their behavior in those ways. If not, you may just be in a tough place with these friends enabling you in bad behavior. You already understand the problem, it’s not pleasant hanging around with someone who has infinite empathy for herself but apparently no willingness to accept others as they are without belittling them.
Friends 1 and 2 are usually kind of quiet. People spend time with Friend 1 because she’s a gamer who just emulates my behavior and “worships” me. Friend 2 is quiet and doesn’t seem to have many friends besides us. She seems usually sweet, though.
So it sounds like they may be emulating you for their own reasons. Anger can sometimes seem like strength even though it’s rarely even a primary emotion, just an output for a different emotion that is more difficult or embarrassing to express like fear or frustration.
I know you say you can’t help how you feel, but it might still be worth acknowledging that you recognize that it’s detrimental expression so you don’t drag them down. You may not be able to help it in the moment but that doesn’t mean you don’t recognize it afterwards and have the opportunity to acknowledge it.
On the other hand if you really think it’s justified and you shouldn’t have to apologize i would strongly encourage you to think of the analogy of someone doing the same thing but physically. If you went around kicking and punching everyone who you felt was weaker and needed ‘toughening up’, you might be just as justified, but could maybe understand why people would tend to shy away from you. Not everyone, some people like the abuse and some take shelter by being the bullies friend hoping they’ll be protected from the worst of it if they join in… And they desperately want friends too.
I would highly reccomend talking to a therapist. It can be hard to find one that works for you, but give it a shot and try a few if one doesn’t work. Therapy can be incredibly helpful and this is something that sounds like it’s having a negative impact on your life.
Seeking help is definitely the way to go as others have pointed out.
If you don’t care about others feeling hurt, well then just think about it rationally: you probably don’t like getting hurt, so you can understand that they don’t either and trying not to hurt others generally makes the world easier for everyone.
Now I would also say that aside of that, you should apologize to people you hurt. Not specifically expecting them to forgive you, but because it also logically makes more sense as it might make them feel less bad about your behaviour.
I would overall try to think about things more rationally than emotionally because it does look like your emotions are your main source of problem right now, and for example thinking that hurting people is going to make them improve is absurd.
And thinking rationally would let you realize what behaviors are not okay, and let you apologize/warn people about it even if you fail to control yourself. While people would still completely be entitled to distancing themselves from you if your behaviour hurts them, it might at least give them some insight that allows them to get less hurt. And once again, less hurt is generally positive.
Uh, are you trolling? Anger is a form of aggression, and, no, people don’t like being around people who are aggressive to them. I mean, it might be okay if the two of you were MMA fighters and the aggression only took place in the ring - but people want to be about to relax with their friends. Being around someone who is repeatedly aggressive toward them is not relaxing, so people will leave you.
No, I’m being serious. I don’t get why because I have these two friends who are willing to talk about how much they hate hanging out with people and how useless other people are. Besides, as much as I’ve tried to work on it, I’m still angry, so my friends should love me for that like I love them. I also don’t have much empathy and don’t really understand nuances/what affects people.
Why do you want friends if you hate people?
they hate hanging out with people and how useless other people are.
God damn, talk about anti social tendencies leaking into a mental health condition
I think being depressed makes me anti social.
You prolly aint wrong. Instead of digging on these points, consider getting out of he funk.
Modern life is shite and it is easy to fall in these patterns of thinking but there is no winning when you feel like that.
“…when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that).”
You should note that you are talking about your anger which you recognize is a problem for you and others. Yes it is a turn off.
You might currently lack the awareness and skill set to control your mood but this is something you can develop through therapy. It is literally what therapy is for. I hope you find what you need to resolve your anger.
Edit: You might find after having a discussion with a therapist that “your reasons” for being angry may not be justified or might be inappropriate responses due to things entirely unrelated to the matter at hand.
Handling a human powder keg all the time is exhausting and extremely anxiety inducing. Your ex’s and friends might love you just as much as you love them, but a relationship built on eggshells and arguments will never be healthy for either of you or last long term.
