Now that we have determined in this thread that a friendly/flirty conversation is indeed not harassment, women are just people too, the old gender roles are dead and public parks are a singles hunting ground, how do I make it clear I’m open to being approached?
Since chatting someone up is out of the question for me, I’d rather hedge my bets on some women using those tricks all you Casanovas left in that thread on me. We’re all progressive here, I don’t see why the man must start this dance.
But I can’t help but notice that this plan has not worked at all yet. How do I express I’m single and ready to mingle, except by just having that printed on my shirt? Like was said, having just a friendly conversation with any gender would be a start, can’t remember those happening in a while either.
Until very recently, I had neon colored hair. Pink, blue, green, orange, purple, red; the whole rainbow. Changed it once every few months.
Women very frequently came up to me to compliment my hair and often would lead to conversations about where I got my dye, who did it, etc. like women stopping their cars in parking lots just to give me a compliment. More often than not it turned into a short convo, that usually ended around the time I mentioned my wife was the artist who did my hair.
Had I known this was a thing before I was married, I would have died my hair in a heartbeat.
I think it may have been a little disarming and was something unique enough that it was worth striking up a convo.
Damn, if only I had hair.
Rainbow pubes and low cut jeans? 😂
Lots of spinach, hair dye, and v-neck shirts (and low-cut jeans!)! :O I’m so back
Where there’s a will, there’s a toupee . I am blessed with a full, thick, luscious dark blonde coupe, but everyone around being so negative about hairpieces made me think about them a lot… Following that, I have come to peace with the fact that I might go bald, and I might not like it, and rando hairpiece-haters around me won’t stop me from going all 18th century on my new hairpiece.
My first own house was in the middle of a lot of cultures that are different from my own, and man did those folks LOVE changing their hair every few days, with pieces or otherwise. Every second shop was selling surrogate hair, and it looked very cool. I think that part of those cultures is fucking rad, and it inspired me to pre-emptively accept my own future toupee, if it ever comes to that.
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Oh man, that makes me think back to college when I got an eyebrow piercing. I did it because I liked the looks but also as a social experiment, wondering how people’s reactions to me might change.
I expected the worst, but I found that it actually seemed to make most people approach me easier.
I think the lesson is that doing things that are highly visible draw attention. Some will be good, some might be bad, but it’s a conversation starter either way!
Use “social props.” I’m not sure if that’s a real term, but like the colored-hair guy said, it’s about creating an easy conversation starter and giving people “permission” to approach you. An interesting hat, reading a book where people can see the cover / title, a pet or a friend’s pet, doing a hobby like painting (you don’t have to be good at it), comic books, musical instrument, D&D manual, playing dominos…whatever! If someone wants to chat, just give them a small natural conversation starter and frequently look up from it, take breaks, smile; so they know it’s ok to interrupt you. If someone shows interest by a prolonged or repeated glance, just smile and say, “Hey are you into ‘whatever’ too?”
Otherwise just get trained in first aid, trip them, and carry around a bunch of bandaids and rubbing alcohol. The Florence Nightingale syndrome is sure to kick in as you tend to their wounds.
Tourniquet!!! I’m losing her!!! We need to amputate. 😟
Listen, officer, the chloroform is for medical reasons!!
People here talking about “props”, and that’s fair and dandy but only and only if you truly like or are into said props. Because you will attract people who are into that too, but also repel those who aren’t. As a woman I never cared much about either people with dogs or babies. None of my business. But I have approached people with other animals or doing arts for example.
My recommendation would be to join a group activity and stick to it for a couple months. See how it goes, then switch to something else. It can be life drawing, bushwalking, patisserie, guitar, board games- you name it. This puts you back in control because the activity acts as the prop, and by context you are allowed to say “oh such nice drawings, how do you do xyz?” " Are those shoes good for walking?" “Do you bake often?” You start the conversation and it doesn’t need to be personal at all. I’m always surprised to see normal people cross the line and start asking personal questions about me once I make it obvious that I’m open to conversation.
IMO this is the best option. Choose activities you’d like to do and you’ll meet women with similar interests and it’s way easier to connect.
Get a cute dog. Or a cat on a leash. Give them something to talk about.
Yep 🐕
In fact dogs in many ways are better than people for friendship. If only they lived longer. We get blessed by their presence only for so long.
Or even better: a pet duck
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not someone you wanna prone bone anyway
I actually laughed out loud at the specificity here. Thank you for this, you’ve brightened my day.
Depending on how you land, you might be quite limited in positions anyway
have you considered purchasing (or renting?) a Horga’hn?
That’s not something to buy or rent, that’s something personal, something you carve yourself! Preferably on a sunny day in the park, where people can approach you about it. /s
Sorry I can’t be genuinely helpful, I always just kinda slipped into my relationships and an generally quite, no, very clueless. All the best for OP though.
So now I need to get a Horga’hn tattoo or something. How will people know I seek Jahamaron? I can’t believe I haven’t already had this thought. This is obviously where I’ve been going wrong.
Maybe go on a site like meetup or find local events you are interested in. Go out and do something with strangers: help a charity, go on an organized hike, take a language class, do some volunteering.
Just hanging at the park putting out the vibe likely won’t get you where you want to be.
Get a pirate hat. Wear that pirate hat. If they start the convo, quickly let them know you are on the lookout for more booty.
On a more serious note, other than having something interesting to talk about (dog, coloured hair, pirate hat), be sure to watch the eyes and try to hold eye contact with people who interest you first. We look at things that interest us. But please don’t stare!
Longer than one second is basically a big sign of interest, so maybe crack a smile. IF they are super interested and confident, chances are good that they will approach you.
Good luck, sailor.
By being interesting.
How you do that is up to you. Like visibly enjoying hobbies, having an eccentric look, going for a fun personality, or being in cool locations. It also allows you to talk about something you personally enjoy.
To steal a tip from JB Smoove - walk around with one shoelace untied. Someone will notice.
“Hey, your shoelace is untied”
“Oh, thanks”
Ice: broken
Man sometimes I see teenagers walking around with their shoes untied. I’ll tell them “hey your shoes untied” and they look at me like “… yeah, and?”
Literally wear a name tag.
A guy, that goes by the name of etymology nerd, did this everyday for a month and people approached him more often.
He made a short video explaining why this was the case and how it was an invitation to converse.
Huh. I got to try this.
chatting someone up is out of the question for me
Some basic life advice for you: focus on things you can control, not on things you can’t. Approach the people you want to interact with. That’s completely under your control. You can’t really control whether other people approach you. Spending your effort on that is a waste.
I mean, there are absolutely things that you should do just to improve your approachability. Good hygiene, to start.
Au contraire!
As was sung, “I am the one thing in life I can’t control”(Edit: Oof, how embarrising), spending effort on that is the waste. So just coming off as more approachable is the one path open to me.
it’s just eye contact. look open and neutral. if people notice you paying attention to them, they’ll engage more likely than if you have your head down covered in hood with headphones on
be in the moment
speak about the moment
if that moment isn’t happening, dont force it
girls will signal to me that they might be open to having a conversation, but it’s rare that one would directly initiate. the trick for me is recognizing the signals when i see them, and not hanging around for too long especially if it doesn’t look like it’s working out.
What wpuld those signals look like? Maybe OP can use the same to signal others.
eye contact like this @_@
