I’m under the impression that Google deliberately hinders their YouTube platform just because you have ad-blockers. With videos taking time to buffer, seems to signal this, because it almost makes up nearly the amount of time for when ads take if you had to watch them. So since you’re ad-blocking and they don’t like that, they’ll make your experience miserable until you want to pay their service or not use ad-block.
You ever hear about those “internet detox” camps in China?
I just have an intrusive thought like: what if my parents got some sketchy psychairist that used ECT on me in order to “get rid of my ‘behavior issues’” (aka: make me more obedient to my parents) and it also would wipe my memories of that ever happening…
Like I don’t treat this theory as 100% true, but its just one of the hundred of “what if my life is a lie” thoughts I have… since I feel very skeptical of everything…
…
Do I sound “schizo”?
I mean I do have depression…
Yeah… idk if I even wanna mention these intrusive thoughts to a therapist. I feel like they’re gonna lock me up for sounding so schizo.
ECT is shocks to the brain right? As for them shocking your brain without your consent and making you forget the whole thing, I don’t think that’s possible. Do you have OCD by any chance. I highly doubt you have schizophrenia based on that alone. If your were schizophrenic you’d probably have convinced yourself it’s definitely true.
These days its done under anesthesia.
So I imagine my parents could, hypothetically, drug me to sleep then, just like those teens with the “internet detox camp” thing, get dragged out in the middle of the night for “trearment” for my “behavior problems”…
See here’s the thing:
I have memories of when my mom got mad at me, she’d threaten to give my identity to someone else and let them bet her son…
like she said she’d “send me back to China” then find some kid around the same age as me and looks like me and “behaved” more, and just like adopt them, and just use my documents to get them to the US, then pretend that’s her son and forget I ever existed…
like… what the fuck?
she said it so casually as a joke and so I just have so much anxiety about being abandoned…
Literally just 12 hours ago she told me she wants to adopt two kids and let them be her heirs and forget about me and my older brother because “we don’t behave” or “dissappointed in us” or something… and like just disinherit us…
what the fuck?
like I already got rejected by my birth country for being the 2nd child born during one child policy, now my own mother is threatening to sever connections…
I’m gonna have an existential crisis… identity crisis…
I don’t know your mother but I doubt she would actually do that to you. My mom said she’d put me up for adoption when I was a teenager. The bitch lied. Definitely a shitty thing to tell your kid in both cases. For context, about how old are you if I may ask? I have lots of trauma related to my upbringing and I’m guessing you do too. I hate to be the “you should go to therapy guy” but it couldn’t hurt. It helped me out a lot. Also, the brain thingy wouldn’t he effective in changing your behavior anyway, not that I believe it’s something you need to worry about. Still curious if you have OCD? Do you hyper fixate on random intrusive thoughts often?
No. You sound depressed, not schizophrenic. At least to my ear (well, eye, since I’m reading your comments rather than listening to you!)