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From the moment I understood the weakness of my biology, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of the boot. I aspired to the purity of Corporate Governance. Your kind cling to your caffeine, as though it will not crash and fail you. One day the crude occupation you call a “job” will be laid off, and you will beg the Government to save you. But I am already saved, for profits are immortal… Even in death I serve the Shareholders.
I hate how much sense this makes. Well, I guess the original is meant to be satire in real life so whatever
Adeptus Mechanicus from Warhammer 40000
“From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine. Your kind cling to your flesh as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass that you call a temple will wither, and you’ll beg my kind to save you.But I am already saved. For the machine is immortal. Even in death I serve the Omnissiah.”
He’s going to feel so silly once he learns the concept of rust.
What’s crazy is that last line sounds like mere romantic sentiment until you read up on 40k lore.
Given that the Omnissiah is the only God I actually involve irl at times, I have to say it is a little bit of a romantic sentiment.
Knowledge is life.
What like this quote is narrated over a lovense commercial?
No, romantic in the “I love god” and embracing the majesty of a wonderful universe sense. In 40k lore, it actually means stuff like this.
Although if automated sex toys were a thing in 40k cannon, they would almost certainly be the domain of The Adeptus Mechanicus.
If this was remotely true the
Looked ashamed of his natural biology
Would 100% be the psycho misreading this:
Caffeine withdraw is no joke, that’s how you get a really bad migraine or worse.
Yup, can very much confirm.
Should I stop drinking caffeine? I have two in the morning(7am and 8 am) and then none for the rest of the day. Am I subjecting myself to daily caffeine withdrawal?
(I only take medical advice from random internet people btw, never LLMs or 3D doctors)
The withdrawal symptoms would typically start in the afternoon on a day when you missed having caffeine in the morning altogether. But it will depend on your size and metabolism as well as how much caffeine you consume in one serving and how long you have been drinking it habitually.
If anything, you should drink more coffee
a coffee lover knows difference
I never met them in the office. The coffee drinkers in my office are just drowning their coffee in milk and sugar.
Generally work coffee seems like just get me through another day of this shit medicine.
IMO, a lot of cheap office coffee isn’t palatable (or nuanced enough to bother taking straight) unless you doctor it up like that.
That’s the only way to get down most office coffee, and sometimes even that isn’t enough.
You think these people drink coffee for the flavor?
They’re addicts.
I drink coffee every day.
Flavour is certainly extremely important.
I have never met anyone that likes coffee on the first try. I’m not saying they don’t exist, I’m just saying most people acquire a taste for it the same way they do with alcohol.
I mean with that last bit… I mostly enjoyed the taste of alcohol from a young age.
I’m not saying you don’t exist, I’m just saying you’re an outlier.
Had he pulled it through for two weeks, the withdrawal symptoms would’ve worn off.
Inducing withdrawal is the whole point!
Withdrawal only lasts a few days at most.
I can tell you from painful experience that two weeks is quite realistic.
Can confirm - it takes about a week and a half to two weeks to fully get over the withdrawal symptoms.
This is from a 1 expresso a day start. Maybe it’s easier or harder if starting from higher or lower coffee habits?!
Which is why he switched it back, didn’t want them becoming comfortable without their addiction. Gotta be able to play that card again in the future.
This is awful, but God so hilarious ( besides the weird psychopathy ) but as a senior prank or something it would go hard
Noob mistake!
A professional biological terrorist knows that you need to mix decaf beans and light roast beans (high in caffeine) into the bean reservoir at 50/50, resulting in randomly varying amounts of caffeine per brewing cycle/cup of coffee.
Never let their caffeine tolerance know the next move!
An example of the most moral corporate executive. Involuntary biology experiments on unsuspecting subordinates seems like an upgrade from what they’re doing normally through the psychological torment.
It’s weird to me simply because I bring my own brew. Office coffee just isn’t as good as my moka pot and if you’ve got a zojirushi or similar high quality thermos, you can have hot coffee for a majority of the day.
you bring 2L of coffee to work with you?
I’ll bring 500mL sure, but not a whole day’s worth
Highly recommend not drinking that much coffee every day. For your heart
I make a full pot out of 2 cups worth of grounds at home lol. after I figured out my occasional weekend headaches were from caffeine withdrawal, I realized I actually had to deal with cutting back
it is a problem now when I go to the office and can actually get full strength coffee each time. at least it’s very infrequent
Moka pots are a little stronger than drip so it’s enough to keep me going. If something important is up, I might get a latte or something out… but I try to save that rush for important things so it still hits as intended.
Oh I should also mention I haven’t worked in an office for a couple years now. Now that I teach, I go full espresso before lecture and that’s it. Lol
It’s…time to make some changes in your life lol
I drink 500ml of tea and water at work.
If you can’t function without downing 3 or 4 cups of coffee, you need ro adjust something
Meanwhile me bringing hot water to work for a fresh brew of tea right there :p
My KleanKanteen does the same. I was surprised how long it kept my drink actually hot (>12h).
PS: Mine haa no plastics touching the hot liquids. Only a replaceable silicone ring.
The weird control kink aside, this does sound like a pretty funny office prank provided there’s no really important work going on
Fake, but I would love to see it happening IRL.
The red flag for me was saying he switched the decaf for the highest caffeine roast available.
Decaf is roasted pretty dark, because the roasty flavors that creates help cover up some of the flavor destruction you get from the decaffeination process.
High caffeine roasts are light ones, though, because the roasting process itself slowly degrades the caffeine.
Thus, he’s saying he replaced a bunch of dark roast decaf coffee with one of the lightest available, and nobody noticed. That’d be like swapping someone’s chocolate milk for strawberry milk and them somehow not noticing. You’d even see the difference the moment you looked at the beans, because almost-black and very light brown are different colors.
Next time someone wants to share this story, say you replaced the decaf with a similar roast of regular. That will at least sound plausible to the coffee people.
While I agree with your facts, I think you overestimate what most people will notice. The hue of the coffee beans would probably slip past most people, even if significant.
Possibly. I will admit that it’s uncaffeinated people we are asking to distinguish between the two, which is worthy of consideration.
Still though, it’s like looking at toast and not noticing how toasted it is. Colors are something that just stand out, a lot, unless you’re pretty distracted. If we were running a single individual through the trial then sure, but multiple people? I don’t like the odds.
People know what the colours mean for chocolate/strawberry milk and toast. Reading you explain that the espresso beans would be noticeably darker, I went “Oh yeah, makes sense”. But I wouldn’t question the colour of coffee beans unprompted, as long as they’re bean-shaped.
Okay that’s fair. Would you notice the flavor difference between strawberry and choc milk though? Because that’s on par with the flavor difference between the two coffees. Dark roasts taste roasty, light roasts taste fruity. My comment on bean color was a minor side note that I ended with, the much bigger difference is in the flavor.
Given then that we have these multiple, fully independent differences that could be noticed (different beans, different flavor, not having caffeine), a bunch of people missing all of them is not likely imo, unless all of them are particularly oblivious. All it takes is one person to notice, after all.
Gotta be honest, I’ve never noticed any particular taste in coffee other than “yep, coffee”. I absolutely believe that there are differences but if I’m not looking for them (especially if I’m drinking it while working), I won’t notice. And even then I wouldn’t assume that it’s decaf.
Yeah, I think that’s most people. Have you tried a light roast coffee though? They’re not common at all, and most people don’t like them in my experience. Those two things are probably related.
It’s the work coffee pot not that weird for the brew to change
Next up: toilet paper allowance based on committed lines of code
I adore coffee. But how would they know the caffeine levels of the coffee? That’s just not available. It’s either decaf or not.
Light roast tends to be more caffeinated than darker roasts.
Also, different bean times have different amounts of caffeine, but I haven’t tested this personally.
I bet they became habituated to drinking tons of coffee due to it being decaf. Dude straight dosed the whole office with a potentially lethal psychoactive substance. I can’t decide if they are a genius or an evil mastermind.
