Back in the days when my Nokia was state of the art, I went on a date with Kim. We both worked in the motorcycle industry, me as a salesman for big brand franchise, her as a counter chick for her dad’s independent shop. It took months of hints and asking before Kim agreed to a date.

I was fairly broke and a good solid 6/10. Kim was at least a 9, modeled and raced, and had parents with a fair bit of cash. I was out of my league.

I borrowed a current model HSV Grange from a mate with both more money and more taste than me, and dutifully picked Kim up. We went to a Thai restaurant that turned out to be 6kilometres from her house.

When we got there, our table wasn’t ready as the previous couple had stayed longer than anticipated. We went to the bar to wait. I ordered a beer, Kim ordered a raspberry vodka cruiser.

The bartender proceeded to hand me my drink and spill the cruiser all over Kim. And Kim’s skintight white pants. Which were immediately see through. We decided to leave and went to the car.

I pushed the button on the key to unlock it. Nothing. I pushed it again. And again. And eventually stuck the key in the door. Like a peasant. I opened the door, put the key in the ignition- click. Click. Click. Click. Dammit.

I asked Kim to sit in the drivers seat and turn the key when I asked her to.

I opened the bonnet (hood for you non-Aussies) and used my entire mechanical knowledge and wiggled the battery connection. We had lights on the dash! Then, as I held the wire against the battery terminal, Kim turned the key. On the plus side, the car started.

When I had picked myself up, I drove Kim home. I walked her to the door and-smoothly I thought- went in for a kiss. She backed away, grabbed my hand and shook it, and disappeared inside.

20 years later (roughly) we met at a function. Her eyes went wide and she turned her back and walked away.

Back when I was in college I went on a blind date. I drove all the way to NYC to meet her. All I knew about her at the time was she said she was a writer. I get there, we meet up, and it turns out she really was a writer…for DC Comics.

So in addition to dinner and a movie, I was treated to a tour of the Manhattan DC Comics offices, saw some cool props like the Catwoman costume that Michelle Pfeiffer wore. I also took the opportunity to pick her brain a little about how writers and artists collaborate to bring a comic to life. The following morning we met up for breakfast before I headed home.

It never went further than that single date but damn what a memory.

Met a guy on Tinder and chatted for a while before setting up a coffee date. I still remember seeing him step into the cafe for the first time, he was taller than I thought and had kind eyes.

Coffee turned into a walk that turned into getting lunch because we didn’t want to stop talking. Date ended with a kiss on the riverwalk and we never stopped going on dates after that.

Not a particularly unique or interesting story, but I find that love stories be like that for everyone but the couple haha.

Met a girl on Tinder some years ago while living abroad. She was really cute and fun to talk to, first date was just a regular thing with a beer at a tasteful bar.

For the second date she invited me to drink white wine and play backgammon while watching the sunset in the nearby castle ruins. I was blown away, that sounded like the most romantic date I could imagine!

I get there, we enjoy ourselves, chatting away. I’m giving all the signals, but she doesn’t seem to give any back. I get more and more confused, why would she invite me here if not to at least kiss or something?

Finally I force myself to lean in for the kiss, and she does kiss me back. But she looks at me like this came completely out of nowhere. We kiss some more and agree to meet up again another time.

We do go on more dates, but over time she tells me she thinks she might be asexual, after which the whole thing kind of fizzled out.

I’m still baffled she didn’t expect that kiss.

I had a good feeling going into our first date so I brought a toothbrush.

She still brings it up when we talk to people about how we met.

Started dating one of the other leaders while working on an international youth camp, but kept it on the down low so the kids wouldn’t realise. The kids didn’t actually realise we were dating but were still convinced we’d make a cute couple, so would try and convince us to ask each other out while we’d brush them off with excuses about just being coworkers and not thinking the other person liked us that way.
On the final day as we were leaving we said our goodbyes, got our respective kids onto their buses heading in opposite directions, and then kissed in full view of all our kids before getting on ourselves. I jumped on my bus and one of my kids angrily hissed “YOU LIED TO US” at me before I got the barrage of questions about how long and what happened.
The international element turned out to be too much for us, but it was a nice relationship while it lasted.

For a second date we drove an hour out of the city to visit a cheese factory. That relationship lasted four years.

Met on OkCupid and chatted for a month or so before actually going on a date. Met up at a Starbucks for coffee. We sat down and started talking and forgot to order coffee. After a while, we took a breath, glanced around and realized 5 hours had passed and there had been a whole shift change. My legs were asleep from the wooden chair, and our faces hurt from laughing and smiling so much. That was roughly 10 years ago. We are married with 2 kids and 2 cats, so I think I nailed it?

Edit to add the stupidity on my part: After leaving Starbucks, she said she had to go buy a new laptop and mentioned she was hungry. I responded that food sounded like a good idea, because I was planning on going home to my cat and making a big batch of French onion soup. Which I did, alone. I was an idiot, but she was undeterred.

Back in 2013 or 2014 I think.

I was going out with a woman slightly older than me (me 23, she 27), we had already had sex twice. I don’t recall the exact details of this date of ours, but we met around 19h, later I took her home and we sat in the car, getting hot and stuff, when my hand went down on her, where I noticed something weird. She pulls her panty aside and there’s a male condom sticking out of her. I bust my ass laughing while she desperately tries to not die from shame. We weren’t having anything serious and we both knew the other “might be meeting others”, so I really didn’t mind the fact she fucked another guy before meeting up with me that day. I found it so absurd that she somehow didn’t notice the condom was left inside her that I just couldn’t help myself but laugh.

She started ghosting me after that day, no big loss 😆

Once went to talk business with some random guy. Met him in a restaurant, with his wife. His wife was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen in my life (I’m talking radiant beauty with a face and smile that lighten up rooms when she walks in) and I didn’t wanted to be the drooling creep so I mostly ignored her and didn’t look at her, she was just too pretty. The guy was a raging asshole and I ended up not doing business with him, sending him to my best friend instead.

Fast forward some ten years

I work for my best friend and the raging asshole for a year before his company collapses. He sends his wife to fire everyone (thats the kind of guy he is) and because it all went badly, I ended up hating her

Fast forward another 5 years or so

I’m given an offer I cannot refuse so I go back working for best friend. I ask him if raging asshole will be there, he will be. Sigh. I ask him if horrible wife will be there? She will be there too. Sigh. It is what it is.

One week in working, turns out she is awesome and funny (and frigging radiantly beautiful) and we become good friends almost immediately. We just never stop talking.

I learn that she already divorced the husband but still loves with him under threat that he will take children away and or leave her with absolutely nothing to live (he’s a millionaire by this point).

We then notice we feel more for each other. We talk more and she mentions the asshole is about to fire my best friend and replace him with me because I’m more agreeable with him.

I call said best friend for thirty years to warn him. He’s on vacation on the other side of the world and he would be jobless when he’d arrive back. I call him, warn him, and how do I known this? Well, in talked to his business partner’s ex wife, she knows, and well, it looks like her and I may become something.

Not half an hour later I get a “fuck you you’re fired”,because my friend immediately threw thirty years of friendship under the buss to save his job. He never talked to me again after that.

The girl and I immediately received threats from her ex, including that the psycho was looking for hitmen (a real thing there) so we immediately went into hiding in a single small airbnb room that looked out over a forrest with two (literally) removed dogs and enough food to not have yo leave that room; we didn’t even come outside for a week. Just talking, fucking, sleeping, and repeat.

We learned so much from each other there, like how she initially thought I was this misogynistic asshole who didn’t take women seriously in meetings (from our first meeting ever) and I explained that I just didn’t dare look at her because she is so radiantly beautiful. Similarly I learn that she was forced to fire everyone by her then husband because he didn’t wanred to deal with having tomfire people…

We then migrated to a different country a month later, we had more adventures and love and fun in these past 5 years together than I’ve had in an entire lifetime. We are that couple that has been together for over 5 years and still need to hold hands every moment we can. We are together 24/7 almost and we have few friends because we just want each other, nothing else.

I’m so insanely in love with you, baby…

My first 3 relationships were with stalkers. I was super depressed and had no interest in a relationship. I figured the best way to get them to leave me alone was to give them what they wanted. The first one would track me down when I was out and corner me if she wanted me to do something, that lasted 3 months. The second used to follow me home from high school and would watch me when I was at a club. That lasted two weeks, but every now and then she’d hit me up for a hookup.

The third was the most traumatic experience of my life and I’ll just leave it there. A few months after our breakup, she asked me to fill in on her team for the schools Overwatch team tryouts. I didn’t want to join, but I played. A week later, they’re begging me to join the A team… in the position my ex was trying out for. That was definitely cathartic. 5000 hours of OW later, it’s a bit less funny. I never wanna play a video game that much again.

Also back in college I matched on Tinder with an older woman. She was like 26, I was 19. After a chat it turns out she was in a committed relationship and was looking for a third. Why not? I showed up a few times, they would get me dinner and then I’d do whatever they wanted essentially. After the fourth time, we stopped because the guy was too into me and the girl didnt like how things were developing.

I also kinda fell in love with a girl while I was on a grippy sock vacation. It didn’t last too long after we got out. She had issues and bad habits and pretty quickly succumbed to them and then started being really manipulative.

If this doesn’t make it obvious, I have some issues being a bit too… pliable. I’ve learned some lessons though and I’m in a pretty healthy relationship now and I can look back and laugh it this stuff.

Finger Printing?

Went on an internet date about 2004. I got there early, making to make sure I was wearing the same stuff as in my profile photo so she would recognise me.

She turned up, took one look at me, and said: “Oh. No.”

Then she left.

Ah well. Obviously it bothered me at the time but I can look back and chuckle now.

I had a lot of nice girlfriends and really fun nice dates from like 2012-2018. Like dozens and dozens.

At least, until they were honest about stuff and they were not so nice. But while they were lying to me the relationships were often wonderful. and I’d have totally married a few of those women had they not been lying to me about who they were.

I really will never understand why folks lie in relationships. Seems like the most surefire way to guarantee you are wasting your time.

that reminds me of one date I had where this woman was super nice and super honest and at the end of the date she told me straight up she was not interested in seeing me again but thank you for spending time with her. It was the the nicest and most pleasant rejection I have ever received in my life. I was not interested in her either, but I wanted to kiss her for being so mature and grown up and assertive. The total opposite of like 99% people I meet who are so passive, and often weird and hostile when they reject you or feel rejected. I’ve never met anyone else who rejected me and made it so normal and pleasant. It’s sad that more folks can’t be like her, instead of the normal passive-aggression nonsense where they profess how great it was and they can’t wait to see you again and tell you to call them but then ghost or become hostile if you follow up.

Too Much Information: The Hidden Costs of Oversharing Online