Do not give out any personal information. This is like do you have a girl who cries at the smallest inconvenience? Do you have someone who is a parent and that alone is now their personality? Do you have a guy who you hide from Monday mornings so he doesn’t tell you about the fish he caught on Sunday that was THIS BIG!
Keep it light hearted!
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My boss is the clean-cut, captain-of-the-football-team all American type. Imagine Homelander but not evil.
We got a guy in the lab who’s your grouchy but friendly dude who’ll go on all day about how the place sucks but knows every piece of equipment inside and out and will drop whatever he’s doing to help you. Short and majestically bearded. I call him Gimli. But not to his face.
New guy is the quintessential live-off-the-land redneck. He always brings in food he caught or hunted himself. Every. Day.
We got the nerd tech who exudes, “I’d rather be at ComiCon.”
Our manager who is pure, undiluted metalhead. Pick a metal band. He can talk about them all day. Kicks everyone’s ass at Name That Riff.
For a while we had the autistic, terminally online Gen Z kid. He lasted about six months.
Overall sounds like a good place to work.
We got the nerd tech who exudes, “I’d rather be at ComiCon.”
Wow. That describes my whole team.
undiluted metalhead. Pick a metal band.
Running Wild is pretty great. When I found them I learned that Pirate Metal isn’t metal about pirates.
My coworker sits under my desk and licks my feet when he’s been fed.
Dog, cat, or boyfriend?
Yes.
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- gym teacher manager. Not great at the math and science parts, but believes in his team
- checked out youth. Watches YouTube instead of working.
- checked out elder. He’s so close to retiring. He’s got stories to tell from before HR was all formalized
- checked out middle career guy. He wanted to fix things. Then he fell into the tar pit. Why bother when a ten minute fix is going to take two research spikes, a stakeholder meeting, a team meeting, a feedback meeting, a sprint planning meeting and so on. Fuck it.
- day care HR. Do they work? Who knows. They seem nice, when you can find them.
- quiet union sympathizer. Got a “talking to” about it, so now he just shit talks management in back channels. Joins meetings smoking from his back porch. Knows where some bodies are buried.
I work at a bad place.
Yeah, doesn’t sound too good but have worked with all of those, just never at same time. Hell I was the checked out middle career guy!
90% of my teammates are moms and that’s pretty much their entire personality. One is a Disney adult so that’s another good one.
If you don’t mind me asking are you a parent? I find parent talk to other parents is a fun activity but non-parents find it annoying.
What generation of disney? Early Disney vs 90s Disney vs marvel Disney are so different.
I’m not a parent but could be in the semi near future if that makes any difference. I just don’t have a lot in common with most of them not even including parenthood. I have a coworker with a college aged son who I’ve known since he was like 11 and I really do like to talk to her about him but I also have a lot more in common with her and her husband.
The Disney adult is a 90’s fan and then she married a marvel Disney fan.
I have a co-worker who doesnt listen to the answers of the questions they ask.
I’m sorry, I was distracted, what were you saying?
But it wasn’t exactly as they expected it, got confused, and decided to ask the question again rather than process the answer.
Or they didn’t like the answer so they’re hoping you’ll just do the work for them.
You know sometimes when you don’t need explanation for stuff
Junior staff who will chew their own limb off than pick up the phone and call someone.
This is a super weird one, and yes
Older coworker who doesn’t know how to do something and is afraid to ask. They’ll say that the task isn’t important, try to push it off onto someone else, and try to push back the timeline. At the last possible minute, usually after blowing their deadlines and getting heat from higher up in the org, that is when they finally admit they don’t know what they’re doing and need help.
People who were ok technical contributors who get promoted to management and fail miserably because they don’t have the management skills to succeed so they burn out as they take on all the high level work which their group should be doing.
Had a coworker that was the weird bigfoot man. Every time he came to the main branch it was a whole lecture about bigfoot. He even gave marketing a recorded speech he did about bigfoot for a local bigfoot convention and demanded they publish it internally. When he retired they put bigfoot on his retirement party cake.
One of my colleagues is genuinely clueless/dumb? Sometimes I just wonder what goes on in there. She’ll say yes to everything, but then we realise later that she didn’t listen to a word anyone’s said.
i have the i’m going to slam utensils to let you know i’m unhappy coworker.
Secretly replace them will rubber utensils and see how much him their anger grows
I grade the nursing assistants on a simple three point triangle similar to the body composition slider in the newer elder scrolls games but instead of skinny fat muscular, the corners are nice, hardworking, and intelligent (specifically situational awareness). You need to be AT LEAST one. My favorites have at least two. I can count on one hand the techs / assistants I’ve met in the last three decades who have had either all or none of the above.
Some new tech came up in a meeting?
Barry knows a lot about this topic, and will be sure that everyone knows he knows.
Have some fun, pick a fake tech from some sci-fi and see how much Barry claims he knows about it.
What’s the software equivalent of the turbo encabulator?
Penetration first search? Fast Fermat Translation? Trilateral search algorithm?
I have 2 who panic about everything. So. Fun. Lol!
Does each panic about the other one panicking?
Oh man lets see:
We have the Avid Cyclist
We have The Young Guy
We have the Big Rightwing Guy with his Big Truck who has been quietly embarrased the last year or so, who tries not to whine out loud about diesel prices
We have a Longhaired Guy who drives the only EV that any of these people has apparently ever seen.
We have The Boss’ kid, except he’s actually a solid employee and a good guy.
We also have the Terrifying Ex-Military lady and her adorable little dog.
