Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks: “3 beers?”
The first one responds: “I don’t know”
The second one responds: “I don’t know”
The last one responds: “Yes, please!”
Is Psychiatry still a science?
- How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
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- One to change the bulb and the other to hold my mother…I mean the LADDER!
The “mouse scanner”
This is way too meta, and somewhat of an inside joke to my previous lab… explanation below
Explanation
In cancer biology, many labs work with mice as a model organism. Back in the days before single-cell sequencing and organoids became popular, almost every good lab would routinely graft tumors onto model mice, then inject drugs and other stuff… and after a few weeks harvest the organs. Lots of ppl still do this. Very demanding research but it was state-of-the-art so
Anyways… my lab, similar to many, used to have scanners for scanning Western Blots (another super common and notorious lab workflow). We’d scan images, histology slides cut from mice organs, etc… We also had a dedicated X-ray or CT machine (probably, memory hazy) specifically for scanning mice organs, but those two are separate
And one day we were doing journal club and reviewing a cancer biology paper from another lab. They had full-body scans of lots of different mice, nothing too crazy… but in their methods section I think they straight up said they scanned the mice on a scanner 💀
So yeah, we had this joke of someone putting a still alive mouse on the standard printer-scanner, and then S Q U I S H the mouse to make an image
So this atom returns to the pub begging the bartender and the patrons “Oh, good golly! I’ve lost one of my here electrons! Has anyone seen it?!”
The owner says. “No one has reported anything. Are you sure you’ve lost it?”
To which the atom replied, “Yes! I’m positive!”
…
The next day…
Having a pint, the bartender sees the atom from yesterday and calls the ion up to the bar and says “Just yesterday, you say you lost an electron. Well we found it and here it is.” Rolling it across the bar. The atom, now very happy says “Yeah! That’s the one! Amazing! Thank you! What can I do to repay you?!”
The bartender, with a sly wink, says “No charge.”
Bartender: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here!”
A tachyon walks into the bar.
How do you tell the difference between male chromosomes and female chromosomes?
Pull down their genes
There are 10 types of people.
Those that understand binary and those that dont.
“What about the other eight?”
What’s curved, yellow, normed and complete?
A bananach space
I regret I have nobody in real life to tell this joke to.
A Linux Mint User, an Arch Linux User, and a Gentoo Linux User walk into a bar. The bartender asks them what they’d like. The Linux Mint User asks for an IPA, the Arch Linux User asks for hops, barley, water, and some instructions. The Gentoo Linux User asks for a manual on how to first make the universe.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, “I’ll have a beer,” the second says “I’ll have half a beer,” the third says “I’ll have a quarter of a beer,” and, before the fourth mathematician can speak, the bartender says, “I see what’s going on here,” then pours two beers.
Three engineers are in a bar discussing which school of engineering god belongs to, the mechanical engineer goes first;
“God’s a mechanical engineer, look at the bones and muscles and how they interact and move.” The electrical engineer is shaking his head;
“God’s an electrical engineer, look at the nervous system and how the brain is wired, that’s electrical engineering.” At this stage the civil engineer has a wide grin on his face;
“God’s a civil engineer, who else would run a waste pipe through a recreational centre?”
I haven’t got a joke, how about a tongue twister?
“When a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, there’s a packet pocket socket racket error to report.”
::: What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber.
Nothing. You can’t cross a vector with a scaler. :::
Hey, does the name ‘Pavlov’ ring a bell?
Would you like to hear a TCP joke?
I would like to hear a TCP joke.
Here is your TCP joke.
I have received your TCP joke. *laughter*.
—-
I’d tell you a UDP joke but I’m afraid you wouldn’t get it.
I will tell you an UDP joke, but you won’t get it. I will also tell you a TCP joke, and if you won’t get it, I will repeat.
