You are hereby remanded to upgrade a legacy Java 1 system, written by interns, to Java 8. May God have mercy on your soul.
God forbid we actually rehabilitate people instead of profiting off of their enslavement and not actually giving a shit if they get better or not.
Paraphrasing a Scandinavian who gave an interview I once saw in a TV documentary about the correction system in some nordic country:
Once that perpetrator gets out of prison and rents an apartment next to you, would you rather he was subject to inhumane punishment? Or would you rather he was treated like a human being and learned how to behave in society?
Heh, the amerikkkan answer is simple: don’t let them rent next to you. They’ve accomplished it by ridiculous rent prices, charging inmates to be in jail (so they come out with debt), and shackling them to low paying jobs.
There’s gotta be less cruel ways to rehabilitate people, though.
I’m kidding. Welcome reformed convicts, to the wonderful and awful world of coding!
It’s even more absurd as surely the objective should be to have less victims of crime, so doing whatever gets that result seems logical.
A lot of people’s concept of justice isn’t based on logic. Rehabilitation makes more sense logically, but retribution feels better.
The murderers have to do C++.
I already do C++, so I must have a few credits built up…
If you do COBOL it’s a get out of jail free card
So as long as I’m not caught in between I can murder multiple times?
Don’t murderers do filesystems?
I got this. For those that don’t, search about reiserfs and the author’s criminal history.
They’ve already got the requisite skills for Unix
man killpkill -P <parent_pid> —signal SIGKILLkillall -9
*2.000000001 years
Impossible! You mean to say… prisoners are just human beings?! Preposterous! Ludicrous, even!
Wrftf is rehabilitation?
I wanna punish and increase recidivism!
Ahhh a fellow American I see.
Justice is “just us” and is exclusively meant to maximize misery.
Given that prisons are an industry in the States and that inmates are one of their main sources of cheap labor, the high recidivism rate is there to maximize profits.
Maybe they can teach them to maintain the Linux wireless drivers.
They’re not allowed to teach Java. Otherwise they’ll be referred to the ICC for crimes against humanity.
Also sued by Oracle
Ah yes, the pip to npm pipeline!
Cruel and unusual.
if you get sent there for computer crimes you might get the worst sentence: Teaching those “tech skills.”
“Their methods are unusual, but very effective!!”
console.log(“surprised pickachu face”);
What did he do? Kill a crowd of innocent people using an old woman as a club?
You whiners and complainers are all lucky. I don’t see anyone mentioning PL/SQL.
Nice joke, but learning coding it’s not a form of punishment, for some people is actually fun and productive. Prisoners must do some work-out, not get sedentary and grow a programmers belly. Open prisons it’s really open in Finland because your ass will be popsicles in no time if you try to run, and it’s just one direction for you to run, to South East cuz the other way it’s an freezing ocean, some big mountains that will make you a miner looking for heat, so i guess, learning to mine it’s the way to go …
