One morning we woke up to a complete stranger pounding on the door yelling “YOUR DOGS ON THE ROOF!!!”

She had climbed out the attic window, and fell to the roof over the first floor. I don’t know how long she was pacing the roof trying to find a way back in.

Sit at the base of the wall reaching out a paw for a fly on the ceiling 10 feet up.

My cat routinely jumps from a table onto my hot tub lid.

One day he did it while the tub was open and we were in it. Realized his mistake way too late and tried to stop on the edge, but went face first into the water

Wow, OP, your dog is dumb.

My childhood dog did something kinda similar. My family was going out to a new spot we hadn’t been to, but it was a long drive on a windy road and I get really carsick. So we pulled over at this nice little view spot. We all got out and so did the dog. And for no reason, she ran full force at this waist height stone wall, jumped over it, and yeeted herself off this fucking thing

Mind you, we had no idea what was on the other side, and sturdy walls like that are usually built to keep people safe. So we freaked out, thinking she’s going to be dead at the bottom of a cliff and ran over there. Thankfully it was just a very steep hill, so she wasn’t dead and I don’t think she was even very hurt. But good lord, dog, why do that??

I was loading groceries into my freezer and had the door propped open with a small fridge magnet, and my old cat, being the ever curious orange dingus she was, climbed onto the top of the fridge where the freezer was, and started sniffing around. I walked away and around the corner back to my front door to grab the rest of the groceries and when I returned, she had closed herself into the freezer and was yowling. It took less than ten seconds for her goofy ass to get stuck inside the ice box.

My dog gets so lost in sniffing things that he walks into objects constantly. He’s walked directly into stop signs, a gas meter, people, and even walls.

Had a cat catch themselves on fire from getting too close to a candle, then proceed to sit there while on fire and do nothing. I bolted across the room, and only then did they get scared and jumped so fast that it put out the fire.

Luckily, it was just some singed tail hair and nothing serious.

Not mine but a friend. They had a house with like 4 dogs. The biggest was a Golden who would enthusiastically nom other dogs’ necks. Then one day they noticed the air tag on one of the other dog’s collars was missing. Weirdly though it showed still in the house. I guess you can use your phone to tell it to make a sound to help you locate it. The sound was coming from inside the (golden) tum-tum! I forget how they retrieved it. I don’t think they needed surgery. But supposedly the air tag still worked after cleaning it up.

When I had my first dog, I drove a Kia Soul and would put the back row of seats down when I took him places. Depending on the circumstances, I might let him in from the rear hatchback or one of the rear side doors. One day I called him out to the car and was standing beside the open rear passenger side door. He came tearing down the path at full speed, rounded the car and leapt-- into the closed back door. He yiped, looked at me like he was offended, then hopped in the open door.

OP, I feel you pain. My current dog ate a toy, too. Only it wasn’t his toy, and I don’t have any kids…

$4300 emergency vet visit later, my girlfriend and I are much better about cleaning up after playtime.

We have a cat that is like 95% goblin. Laziest fucking cat I’ve ever seen, literally sleeps all day and night except for when it’s food time, usually in the warmest part of the house. The only thing he really cares about is getting fed. He will come find you when it’s dinner time and make sure you didn’t forget.
We’ve had to 'goblin proof’s the house by adding magnets to the cupboard door so he can’t just open it himself and have learned to never leave any of our food out on the counters. I can’t count how many times we would get a loaf of bread or package of tortillas or stuff like that and leave it out on the counter just to find it on the floor the next morning with big chunks bitten out of them, or find the butter dish with the cover knocked off and a big divot where he licked like a tablespoons worth of butter. I had to start putting the jar of bacon grease in the fridge as soon as I had poured it out of the pan because otherwise he would get to it while we were eating and just dip his paw into it to lick at the delicious. More than once we have brought in the shipment of dog food but didn’t think to fully put it away and then later found him shoulder deep in the food having chewed through the cardboard box and the plastic bag to get to the dog food inside.
So yeah, all that to preface, this cat had to get an emergency exploratory gastro surgery to remove a black silicone rubber cock ring he chewed into pieces and ate but couldn’t pass. Little fucker still tries his hardest to eat any silicone rubber he can get to, and he knows the drawer I keep them in and has figured out how to open it, so we don’t have many silicone toys anymore.

I had a cat that, when she was a kitten, tried to jump up on the toilet, but ended up in it since the lid was up. She was very, very cautious about jumping up on things after that.

Whenever I’m in a particular spot in the garden, our boy cat likes to hop up on top of the recycling bin to receive scritchies. One day he tried it while I was putting recycling away. There was a crash and I looked into the bin to find him up to the neck in torn cardboard beaming rays of this-is-your-fault,-monkey at me.

My dog will refuse to eat. She wants treats or whatever we’re having instead. She’s stubborn and will hold out for many hours, with a full bowl of food sitting there.

Then her stomach will hurt. She will complain and want to eat grass if we let her outside. She will refuse treats. We basically need to break treats in half and touch her lips with them/put them in her mouth (she will spit them out - we don’t force-feed her). After a try or two the taste and smell get her mouth watering and she slowly will eat the treat (usually a greenie), realize it’s making her feel better, and happily chow down her food. Totally normal and fine after that. Happy and playful, normal stool, energetic (especially for her age).

We’ve talked to the vet several times about this behavior. Blood tests and X-rays all normal. We give her long walks (at least an hour, twice a day, often with neighborhood dog friends). She’s allowed on furniture and loves to snuggle, insists on pets (and gets them!)

This girl is so stubborn she can’t figure out how to solve hungry. You fool! Just eat.

Jumped out of the fish tank.

We once put a Santa outfit on our yorkipoo, but it was a little too big and the hat ended up covering his eyes. He still wanted to play fetch (it’s all he ever thought about), so we threw his toy…and he ran full speed into a wall. I’d like to say he learned a lesson that day, but that dog was as dumb as he was adorable.