I’ve vomited on 5 continents.

Short answer with no context: Bill Clinton touched me appropriately.

Back story for those interested:

In 2012 I worked for the Obama re-election campaign as a Field Organizer, and typically the job was just leading and organizing volunteers in activities like phone banking and voter registration and such. I was in a swing county in a swing state, so the campaign made a stop in our area. Obama and Biden were supposed to swing through along with Bill Clinton and others. Biden was even supposed to come to our office so we all had to get vetted by the Secret Service. But the candidates canceled thanks to Hurricane Sandy forcing them back to Washington. The rally continued on, though, with mostly just Bill Clinton and some local politicians.

On the day of, I gather up my group of volunteers and we head to the rally venue. I was originally assigned to pass out water bottles to people waiting in line, but then we learned we didn’t have enough barriers around the tents where the candidates and Bill were (supposed to be) hanging out and I volunteered to be a human barrier to fill the gap. The job turned out to be kinda fun, a skateboarder tried to get past me and into the tent area because he was trying to cut through to get to another building and when I stuck my arm out to stop him I accidentally clotheslined him. He looked at me super pissed, then noticed the Secret Service right behind me and left with a quickness.

Anyways, Bill gets on stage, says his thing, then comes to the fence like to shake hands. Well, I was also a part of the fence and the people swarming me started to overwhelm me. Until two Secret Service agents swoop in and push the throng back, that is. As Bill passed by he pats me on the back and heads to his tent.

And that was the time I was touched by Bill Clinton in an appropriate manner.

Missed a flight same as Shane MacGowan and we both got on the next one, not together obviously.

Sat on the other side of a couch to Bono and his dad in his nightclub and stopped a crazy American from climbing over to him, everyone else politely ignored them.

Sante and Kenny Kimes: A notorious mother-son team who committed a string of crimes across the United States, including robbery, fraud, arson, slavery, and murder. Their story was the basis of the TV movie A Little Thing Called Murder and featured in a Netflix documentary.

When they were arrested the son had my business card in his jacket. The police interviewed me but we could never figure out how he got it.

I meet a certain songwritter on Wurm Online, distanced a bit when I found out I was in the pressence of someone who’s boots I was not worthy of licking, caused Unicorn drama, then went on to defend some mountain from bullies, where I gave my character to a friend. That friend was shocked with what I did with the character, and went overseas to tear several metric tons of asses.

My buddy’s friend knew the guy who painted the helicopter that was used in Rambo III. Oh yeah! I’ve been drinking free on that one for years (as long as I’m drinking tap water).

I am responsible for accidentally getting a landowner and big game hunter on the other side of the world investigated by the EPA for something he didn’t do, and a podcast episode was made about it. All I did was post a comment on Reddit.

I did a photo shoot for Johnson and Johnson as an infant lol for one of their products.

And also was one of the IRL kids on Teletubbies.

I am allowed to hop on stage with Red Grammar (Andy Grammar’s Father) and make any song he sings a duet. I got this privilege completely by accident, when I was 7 or 8.

The FAA had to alter IACRA because of me. Well, to be honest it was their own damn fault.

IACRA is the system where you apply online for pilot’s licenses and such; instead of filling out an 8710-11 form and mailing it to the local FSDO or whatever, you do that on the internet.

I was applying for my light sport instructor license. One of the prerequisites to become any kind of aviation instructor is to demonstrate knowledge of the Fundamentals of Instruction. They accept four things:

• Scoring a 70 or above on the FAA’s FoI knowledge test within the last 24 calendar months
• Proof of employment at an accredited college or university as a professor
• A state-issued teaching certificate for grade 7 or higher
• Any other FAA issued instructor certificate, logic being is, if you’re already an instructor, you’ve presented evidence of one of the previous three.

I took and aced the FoI test fairly early in my CFI training…so early that the test result was threatening to expire. So rather than take it again, I decided to take the test for Basic Ground Instructor, which essentially made the test score permanent.

The day finally came for my CFI-SP checkride, I start filling out the IACRA form…and the website will only accept a knowledge test score. I call the examiner, she pulls it up, goes “Huh. Well, looks like you get to fill out a paper 8710 and I get to call Washington.”

So if you’re the web developer the government hired to make and/or fix that form, I was that guy! And since it’s a US Government website, I bet you did it in the most bullshit unusable way possible.

Johnny Pemberton once said I was a living angel.

I once was in the office next to Stephen Hawking.

That is, I was waiting for my dentist appointment, and Hawking and his team were on the next module of the building by the side, on the office across from mine, prepping a lecture he would present the next day at my city.

Many years ago I was on a Greyhound bus trip. I was traveling about 3 hours from my home & it was the easiest way to get to my destination for lack of decent air service Otherwise I would have simply flown. I informed the bus driver that a very odd passenger was having some intestinal distress & retreated to the lavatory. I was unfortunately sitting nearby when I knew that the driver should be informed of the potential degree of olfactory danger we were flirting with. It was a stormy night and that driver made the proper call to deal with the issue which caused us a slight delay. However, that little setback saved us from being caught in a landslide. The junkie crapping all over the bathroom was the hero. I was merely the messenger.

I have precisely the same date of birth as a very famous singer / songwriter who died around a decade ago.

I interviewed Robby Van Winkle for my university’s newspaper back in 1990.

He actually was a pretty interesting person to talk to. Shocking I know.