Subjectively speaking. Or maybe not.
Please try and resist the urge to say humans, I’m sure it crossed everyone’s mind
Koalas are fucking horrible animals.
They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally – their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death.
This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life.
Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can’t afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan.
Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal.
Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently…
Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they’re fucking terrible animals.
Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio… There’s a trend here).
When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn’t want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother’s anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on.
This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system. Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why?
Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn’t helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape.
Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain:
Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury… should they fall from a tree.
An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute.
If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
Meh, I’d rather let this copypasta be forgotten. It turns cool points into “bad” ones while exaggerating the rest. For example, it’s COOL that this animal evolved specialized digestive organs to process a food in a biological niche that other animals can’t exploit. There’s great variety among animal brain shapes / textures, and having such a complex brain doesn’t guarantee that all humans are that “smart”. Other animals are also sedentary or sleep a lot (sloths, cats) and this is seen as being efficient. Other animals also do things that are pretty gross when viewed through a human lens.
On top of all that, it feels like justification for everything humans are doing to endanger the population.
I change my vote to humans, for constantly over-analyzing everything, including jokes.
I’ll take it 😌
oh daddy ohhhhh!
Correct answer, but when you show your work it turns out to be just a coincidence. D-.
Wow. Just wow. This is more shocking than when i learned the truth about dolphins.
So, rule of nature: if it looks cute, it’s not. Cats are genocidal maniacs. Koalas and Dolphins are rapists. Hamsters are locked into an eternal gladiatoral tournament with the rest of their species and will kill each other in brutal ways for no reason.
mosquitoes?
Bedbugs. Not friendly at all. Hard AF to get rid of.
I have not seen them up close, just watched the videos where they come out of the cracks in wood when someone waves hand body heat over them. Gross.
They deserve the way they mate.
The deer ticks that spread Lyme disease.
Parasitical worms. I’d like to say why, but just thinking about it already makes me shudder.
I vote for seagulls- your local beach assholes.
I’ve been chased and harassed by seagulls, not for giving them food, but for eating food in their presence. I once saw a seagull grab a water bottle out of some lady’s bag. I remember witnessing a gang of seagulls dismember a live crab in front of a group of children. And to this day, I refuse to talk about the Nilla Wafer Incident.
They’re bullies, thugs, thieves, and they know it and are proud of it. Fuck a seagull.
I’m team seagulls until I hear more about this nilla incident
rocks back and forth sobbing
Growing up in coastal scandinavia, learning to hate seagulls isn’t part of one’s upbringing. It comes naturally after experiencing living nearby them.
Seagulls seem cute in some circumstances but then act like they’re turned into insane zombies from all the human food they eat. Sea rats.
Look, everyone told you not to stroll on that beach.
I mean, the stray cat I hang out with does all these things, too
Mosquitoes and it’s not even a debate.
Killed the most humans is a pretty strong qualifier
Bed bugs… and possibly roaches (only the species that infest homes).
If you ever had to deal with an infestation, you know the psychological damage it can give you. I’m sure it can give you PTSD as well.
Mosquitos. Fleas. Ticks. Parasitic worms. Anything that causes diseases.
See I resisted saying humans. But fr, humans are the freakin worst.
Mosquitoes/Gnats. Not even their predators like them. Everyone else hates them.
Humans
Sorry, resistance is futile.
Definitely not capybaras. That’s for sure.
Got to meet one last month!
I was seated, and it jumped up on my leg to get some greens I was holding.
It’s true, most chill animal around.
They are the host of a type of tick (Amblyomma sculptum) that carries a bacteria which causes a nasty disease.
They aren’t always as chill as the internet portraits them. If they’re with their offspring they can and will protect them. Being bitten by the largest rodent in the world is not a good way to start your day
My list is very subjective.
Cockroaches (pest) is my N.1 on the list
N.2 Ticks!!! The fuckers rain from the trees and latch onto you!!!
N.3 is shared by parasites, any worms, lice, fleas, you name it;
N4. Leeches. Because fuck leeches. They are slow, yet they will still get you, and unless you have coated yourself in DEET they will bite you, and the bite will bleed for a while, and if you are like me you may get an allergic reaction.
Anything that can be reasonably warded off with regular repellent and/or window screens gets a pardon from me.
Re N4: IIRC, The Presidents of the USA made a song about them.
Millions of leeches, leeches for me
Millions of leeches, leeches for freeTicks actually sit on plants close to the ground and latch onto you when you touch the plant. Important knowledge cause you can protect yourself 99% with ankle-high boots, long plants and stuffing the pants legs into your socks.
Where I live I can assure you they drop from the trees. Are you in Australia as well? Every time I removed ticks they were on my neck, shoulders, armpits and breast areas.
Ticks rarely bite where they land and will sometimes spend hours migrating to a nice warm and concealed location before dining.
cats. those things are the jerks of the animal kingdom! i love the two that i have, but they are such deliberate assholes
howl constantly until you open the door for them, then they just walk away. they didn’t actually want to go in… they simply wanted the OPTION of going in.
See, thats because you don’t know how to raise cats. It’s ok. Most people don’t.
Here’s what you do.
Step 1, hire a clown to stand naked in the closet with a chainsaw. You’ll need this later.
Step 2, go onto your favorite dating site, find a mate, and spend the night at a hotel.
Step 3, fall in love
Step 4, move in together
Step 5, adopt a few cats. Nothing much. Just a few. 22 should be enough.
Step 6, have your girlfriend go on a fetish dating site and find a guy who’s into chastity. She doesn’t have to sleep with him ever, but now he’ll clean the house, clean the 44 litter boxes daily, cook the meals, tutor your kid in his 2nd grade math homework, tend to the garden, wash the car, clean the gutters, and then sleep in a dog cage at night.
Step 7, anytime the cats start their bullshit, you use a little water bottle to spray them and yell NO! Eventually they’ll assosiate no, with being told you don’t like what they’re doing.
Step 8, fuck with your cats brain. Stare at them wide-eyed. Just dead stare at them without moving a muscle. Eventually they’ll get bored, and look away. That’s when you start salsa dancing behind their back. Everytime they glance at you, you stop, and stare at them. If they walk away, follow them and stare. Until they look away. Then more salsa dancing.
Step 9, when they fall asleep, wrap your arms around them and cover them in kisses for being such a good cat.
Step 10, do a barrel roll!
Step 11, now when your cat starts crying outside of the door, you stare at them. They should begin to realize you don’t like them doing that, and now they stop.
Step 12, from now on, anytime they’re annoying, you be even more annoying! But not aggressive. I did not say be violent. I did not say to do anything bad. But if your cat is annoying, maybe you go over and tickle them while making turkey gobble noises.
And that should do it. A house with enough cats, and a free cleaning service to help maintain all those cats!
Now you can get on with your day!
Chekhov’s chainsaw clown not having any follow through is killing me
Cats are nature’s anarchists and I love them. Would still rather have dogs in the house though.
mosquitos are natures jerks, they prank humans by spreading malaria
Mosquitos, for inspiring the profession of Lawyers.
Why do people hate lawyers? I genuinely don’t understand.
In civil cases they’re used by those who can afford them to oppress those who can’t.
Lawyers follow the doctrine that both sides need representation in criminal cases but time spent is still weighted to those who pay.
Lawyers claim a position of moral neutrality when picking a side as part of a process which compensates each side differently.
One dramatic way to reform the system is to enforce an equal budget to both sides of a case in civil and criminal cases. If someone pays for thousands of hours of legal representation to attack you, you should be able to spend that money on legal representation too.
All too often defending a case is not worth the price.
Anecdotally I’d actually like to bring a case against my landlord but the similar cases against them have been sat for years and often time out due to technicalities when someone can’t afford yet another solicitors letter.
Generally a mistake to blame individuals (lawyers) or people who trade their labor for money (working class) for systemic problems (capitalism corrupting a judicial system)
I see lawyers work on contingency every single day, for people who don’t have a pot to piss in. It’s also not generally out of the goodness of their heart, so I don’t want to make it seem like they’re philanthropists out here. If you have a case, odds are a lawyer will take it.
As far as defending a case, it’s interesting. I watch insurance companies spend 10 times what a case is worth to settle for the sake of defending it. Lawyers go after insurance companies all the time because the insurance companies have deep pockets, and sometimes you get an easy settlement. This is definitely not some kind of defense of insurance companies either, they’re the worst, but people will do their best to scam them wherever they can.
I see lawyers work on contingency every single day,
for high value cases, sure. not for the case that’s got little value in settlements for them to consume.
the rest get fucked. go to any courthouse and look at the people in civil cases who can’t afford a lawyer.
I see lawyers do it for anywhere from 10-50k settlements all the time. There’s law offices that just deal in volume PI settlements.
yeah settlements they can vamp off of.
who’s taking the case that’s not going to get a settlement? you do realize not everything is settled for money right?
Yeah, I guess I’m missing the point. You said only high value cases get lawyers, and I just knew that to not be true, and so that’s what I said. Yeah, are people with 50/50 cases getting representation? Probably not. I certainly see enough pro se plaintiffs though, and from my perspective I understand why they can’t find lawyers.
never interacted with the law much have you?
I don’t think lawyers are to blame for the corrupt legal system in the same way I don’t think doctors are to blame for the corrupt healthcare industry.
I don’t think all lawyers are to blame, just like I don’t think all docs are… but I fucking guarantee you, SOME lawyers and some docs are certainly to blame for the problems for both systems because it profits them greatly and they do nothing to stop it.
