Man, I must have missed that day in Sunday School when they taught that Jesus cheated on his wife with a sex worker and then used money from his carpentry business to have his lawyer cover it up so he wouldn’t lose credit when running for the office of Roman prefect.
It’s only in John.
I have no idea why, but my first thought was it’s only in “the John”. As in it was in some ancient bathroom graffiti. Just scrawled hastily on the bathroom walls, explaining all about the son of God’s legal woes.
Funnily enough, we have learned a huge amount about first century Rome from the graffiti in Pompeii and Herculaneum.
Here’s the family-friendly stuff:
http://ancientgraffiti.org/Graffiti/
Here’s the absolutely filthy stuff:
https://kashgar.com.au/blogs/history/the-bawdy-graffiti-of-pompeii-and-herculaneu
The words of the prophets are written on the bathroom walls, and toilet stalls.
When did Jesus put it in John?
Nono, he did it on the john.
With his Peter.
Rock hard peter.
Don’t forget the time Jesus told his disciples that when you’re rich, women let you grab them by the pussy.
They might argue Jesus had sex with a prostitute.
Tbough I imagine they would need some special type of cross to crucify Trump. I don’t think his body weight could be supported by nails through his hands or wrists.
He would immediately fall to the ground, tearing his wrists and breaking his legs.
The Roman soldiers could dip the sponges in Diet Coke, and wouldn’t need a stick to raise it to him. But it would be pretty gruesome.
They could give him one of those kids crowns you used to get from Burger King. Instead of INRI it could read IMXXL.
Then they roll him into a cave and three days later he is lifted into heaven by a Chinese spy balloon.
What about the time when Jesus was feeling a little threatened by John the Baptist’s popularity so he started chanting “Lock him up! Lock him up!” I believe that was during the Sermon on the Golden Stairs.
Only for John to be
relentlessly investigated by the GOPbeheaded by Herodias for no good reason.
jesus, also a billionaire, oh wait
Jesus hated money lenders. Trump relies on them.
money lendersmoney lauderersThat’s the one time in the new testament (that I can recall) where Jesus got pissed, started whipping people.
So you’re saying it’s sort of like when Trump had Stormy Daniels spank him with a rolled up Forbes magazine?
They are the same!
Not just whipping people, he went and made a qhip for an entire day and then went back to whip them.
Trump hates them too, when he has to return the money.
If you can turn water into wine, you will be making a decent profit. Why do you think the Roman government wanted to get rid of him?
It’s just history repeating.
That’s the comedy skit we deserve… ancient Big Fish and Big Bread getting all hysterial because “some guy” was giving the stuff out for free.
Don’t forget that his mommy invented spinning the news with her “immaculate conception” story. Having three “wise” men over checking if they were the father.
Go away.
The disciples, many were fairly wealthy. Even the fishermen were successful enough to manage and maintain boats (and the labor to handle them). The idea that the disciples were poor is a bit errant.
I’m surprised she didn’t extend that to, “and both were persecuted by Jews!”
That would be a great counterexample to the anti-zionism == anti-semitism law. Zionist and anti-semitic 🔥🤯
As a Jew who does not support Israel’s apartheid or genocide (I’m not even particularly interested in visiting apart from the archaeology) and does not believe in any sort of ethnostate, I consider myself a better counterexample.
Do you even exist? 🧐 May I see some identification please? Anything to prove you’re a real jew?
/heavysarcasm-nonemeantforreal
“Papers, please.”
Zionism has always been antisemitic.
“All Jews should move to Israel” is absolutely part-and-parcel with ethnic-nationalism common to both MTG and Donald Trump.
Yeah, antisemitic jackasses can’t handle having a neighbor holding a mitzvah. Fuck that shit American Jews are Americans and belong here just as much as the rest of us.
Sigh, one of these days we’ll place the blame where it really belongs. On the Italians. Who told people to blame the Jews for Jesus? That’s right the Roman Catholic Church.
It’s not like we’re going to start coming to agreement that religious leaders are prone to corruption regardless of what religion it is, and that this is especially true in tumultuous times and places like Roman Judea in the early Julian Dynasty.
The same person who also said the Jews have secret space lasers. 🤔
The same ones they used to kill Christ.
OK, just crucify Trump, and look what happens (or not) on the third day…
Most people shit themselves when they die, but Trump comes pre-shitted apparently. So that diaper gonna be FILLED.
Of all the possible similarities to biblical Jesus that one could pick, that is definitely one.
For Trump? That’s pretty much the only one.
To be fair, Trump also hangs out with prostitutes. The difference there is how the prostitutes were treated.
He does have a lot in common with Paul though. Asshole, telling people what to do while not giving a shit what Jesus said, hating homosexuals, and telling people how pious he is. Oh, and Republicans also care more about what he has to say than what Jesus said.
Both were involved in a political spat in the Levant.
I’m pretty sure Stormy Daniels did a lot of things with Trump, but washing his feet with her tears was not one of the things she did when his wife was pregnant.
Wait tears? I thought it was frankincense and murrh and hair or something?
A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.
Wow ok so you were right but I was also partly right.
I didn’t link to it to prove you wrong. It was a joke. No one died.
Am I the only one who sees her name and thinks “why is magic the gathering saying political stuff?”
Imagine if we started calling her MT Greene and people respond like “The Mountain said WHAT?!”
I have had at least one other comment like that on a Lemmy post, so no. Unless that was you lol
Hahaha wasn’t me but every time that’s the first thing I think. I don’t really even play MTG. Randomly dabbled on and off for years.
Remember when Jesus was known for conning people and cheating them? It was like his main thing or whatever. She’s right. No wonder they worship Donnie.
Remember when Jesus was known for conning people and cheating them?
Famously tricked an entire wedding party into thinking a jug of water was delicious wine. Pushed quack medicine to “resurrect” fellow con-man Lazarus of Bethany and treat mental illness by herding a pack of 30-50 wild hogs off a cliff. Trashed an entire temple to clear a bad loan to some money changers. Pretended to get crucified and then slipped off three days later, after his buddy Judas Iscariot had absconded with 30 pieces of silver.
“Don’t worry guys! I’ll be back any day now!” Hasn’t been seen in over 2000 years.
Check out a book called, The Passover Plot. I read it this year and loved it. The author posits that Jesus was extremely clever in engineering his role as the messiah and it all went wrong when he was stabbed by a Roman centurion. Very good read.
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You know, comparing people to God is basically blasphemy already. Not that I trust people who genuinely support Trump to understand anything about their own religion - or anything really.
Broken record here, but isn’t he basically the false prophet antichrist we were warned about at this point?
My liberal yet religious mother says no but that’s my only source lol
Just like HER Jesus, that is.
No no, her perverted idea. Jesus only has one form, and it’s not up to her imagination.
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A lot of people like majorly tainted green
So we are listening to magic: the gathering now?
Someone else called her Empty-G, which is more fitting.
As much as I love seeing this joke every single time her initials are brought up, there are all kinds of acronyms and abbreviations which have double meanings depending on context.
It would be like if every time someone wrote a history article about something taking place before the first century, someone said, “oh, I thought we were talking about British Columbia.”
I thought I was being original :(
“He’s just like me frfr” — Jesus apparently
Ah, but the difference…
Yehoshua “Jesus” ( Iosa, actually, according to a Roman friend I had ) benJoseph was:
- falsely-convicted
- by legalists
- whom benJoseph had consistently shown to be hypocrites, &
- they were using legalism to convict him, to get even with him.
Trump, however, admitted in court that “Mother Theresa couldn’t beat these charges” or something like that:
Trump was convicted:
- fair & square
- honestly,
- of actual-crimes
- he himself committed.
“Just like Jesus” my arse.
_ /\ _
He was not falsely convicted.
Jesus claimed to be a king. The Roman’s took that literally. He was given a chance by Pilate to recant, and doubled down.
That’s what he was executed for (Rebellion, inciting insurrection. All that nastiness.)
Sure, his followers took it metaphorically, but he had an opportunity and doubled down on it.
Sure the mainstream jews wanted him dead because he was (in point of fact, yet another) mystic running a cult, and it was stiring up the common sorts enough they were having problems.
The Pharisees would have knifed him and left it at that, But the romans were getting a little irritated with all the dead bodies being left around- untidy that. The Roman’s cracked down on that sort of thing, so they had to have him tried in Roman courts for breaking Roman laws. Pity he made it so easy.
…
they both “incited insurrection” o_o;
huh.
except trump did it literally and jesus did it metaphorically.
Not how the Roman’s saw it. Saying “I am king of the Jews” was tantamount to rebellion against the Roman Empire.
It’s the kind of thing that gets people killed.
Also not to mention that as a Roman province, Judea couldn’t execute anyone without the Romans’ permission. So they sent Jesus to the Romans and the Romans were like “WTF this guy is innocent” but the Jews were like “Yeah but we still want to kill him”. Then the Romans were like “Okay, how about I give you the choice of freeing either this innocent man or this convicted murderer” and the Jews were like “Free the murderer and kill him”. Then the Romans were like “Fine, we’re literally washing our hands of whatever happens but you do you boo” and the Jews were like “Yay, now all the threats to our religious dogma are gone!” and nothing bad happened to them ever again.
Yep, that’s exactly the same as Trump going before a court, having evidence presented against him, having a defense presented for him, and having a jury of his peers decide on the evidence. The parallels are obvious 🙄
