I rarely feel attacked when I talk with people in person. And we all take people feelings into consideration enough so no one is trying to attack anyone.
I was not actively commenting on social media since I was 13. But when I joined Lemmy i saw the statistics only 1% of people are actively posting and commenting on social media. And since I knew I was in 99% of people who are only consuming and really wanted Lemmy to take off I tried to be more active.
But now I find myself way too often attacked and attacking. And I always judged people that are attacking others on Xitter or Facebook.
All the people here saying, “Just block them” - personally I just can’t help suspecting that these are the same people who themselves are insulting and abusing others, who in turn are saying “Just block them”.
The solution is not that everyone blocks everyone else. The solution is that we behave civilly and respectfully to each other.
The solution is that we behave civilly and respectfully to each other.
is this your first day on the internet?
Is it normal? Kinda. Is it healthy? No
I used to have this problem all the time, I think it’s pretty normal. I did many years of therapy, and part of what I got out of that was an understanding of how people deal with pain and anger. The best way to change someone’s mind is to try to empathize with their position and show your understanding. Once you share context with them, you can gently explain why you feel the way you do. Sometimes, you do this and find that the other person’s point of view is a more accurate reflection of your values and you change your mind instead.
Don’t do this with bad faith actors though. just block them.
I used to have this problem all the time, I think it’s pretty normal. I did many years of therapy, and part of what I got out of that was an understanding of how people deal with pain and anger. The best way to change someone’s mind is to try to empathize with their position and show your understanding. Once you share context with them, you can gently explain why you feel the way you do. Sometimes, you do this and find that the other person’s point of view is a more accurate reflection of your values and you change your mind instead.
Don’t do this with bad faith actors though. just block them.
Argue bad. Discuss good.
Lots of people here missing the “and attacking” part.
Breathe, chill. That commenter you’re about to yell at is just another idiot, like you. We’re all just idiots bored on the internet. Relax, it’s not that deep.
Also:
NO, FUCK YOOUUUUUUUYou’re wrong and FUCK YOOUUU 🖕🏻
When I realized everyone is just frustrated and venting about the lack of control they have in their lives, things became much easier.
There’s a loud toxic minority online. The block feature is best friend.
A large part of growing up with social media is learning how to effectively use your emotions in a way that assists you rather than hindering you. Passion and anger are way too close together, it can be really hard to separate them. Passion is very helpful when motivating yourself to write in a compelling way. Unfortunately, it’s something that can best be learned through practice. The good news is the first step is recognizing that it is a problem, so you have started. The bad news is, you won’t be good at it for a while still, but keep trying anyway.
When I start to feel irked I imagine it’s Colin Robinson on the other side so there’s no reason to engage.
That made me laugh, thank you for reminding me of that episode!
Mike Tyson once said “Social media made y’all way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it.” There are things people would only say behind a keyboard.
It can be hard not to get upset over mean comments but I try to remember I have hundreds of pleasant Interactions with people daily and I shouldn’t put so much weight on the few negative interactions with random internet people.
Many of us actually posting have either too much time on our hands, care about something deeply, or don’t care that much and just want to troll. Throw that together into one pot and you get a lot of attacks. It doesn’t help that you don’t see the person and many people don’t understand how different communication is without body language.
So, yes, I think it’s easy to feel attacked. The harder part is not to attack and most of us fail that, which is why the web is often so toxic. Personally, I try to care less and block more. Someone calls you a braindead nincompoop? Either block and call them an idiot off-screen, or leave a snarky message and then block. At least that’s what I do, and I forget about what happened like 5 minutes later.
It’s taken a while for me to get to the point where I’ll write a comment, and think “do I really want to kick this potential hornets nest?” And delete the comment.
I find myself having a much better time hanging out and interacting with the folks in the asklemmy communities versus those in political threads.
Same experience. And it’s a shame.
And yet I’ve found that, occasionally, after I brace myself for the blowback, instead there comes a thoughtful reply which assumes good faith. It’s those occasions which keep me coming back.
there is nuance in personal interactions that is stripped away via text so it’s very easy to type something you think is perfectly innocuous in spoken word that doesn’t translate at all and because you know what you mean the return attacks don’t make any sense. The only way to stay sane in these environments is to be as objective as possible and be prepared to take on new information and be wrong.
all that aside, if someone is personally attacking you they aren’t worth any time beyond hitting block, and the quicker you get at it the better your online experience.
there is nuance in personal interactions that is stripped away via text so it’s very easy to type something you think is perfectly innocuous in spoken word that doesn’t translate at all
Good point. I will add that on the internet you are not even sure the person is a native English speaker. Which add another barrier.
And now that I think about it, they may be even cultural differences that can have an impact on subjects like politics.
All of that will some groups try to brainwash us into buying their products or their hateful ideology.
But there is something I liked about the old Reddit and here on Lemmy/Mastodon is that we still can some self introspection like Op did
100% monkeys were not meant to have real discussions behind an anonymous wall. People act differently with little to no repercussions. Add in vocal minorities, group think, bots, and you have a recipe for hate. Good well meaning people screaming at each other from the same tent is pretty obvious on Reddit and moreso on Lemmy but it’s nothing compared to Facebook and Twitter which are more representative of populations.
I’m about to go full boomer here. The Internet even pre social media was the end for globalism and what most of the west thinks of the good days (yes I realize it was far from perfect but you can submit the trend has gone changed downwards with regards to global stability). While yes it gives people the ability to safely explore and learn it more often gives a voice to shitty dumb and uneducated opinions and ideas without repercussions. Add social media and essentially the digital communications wars governments and zealots are engaging in at a scale we’ve never seen.
