I’m asking as I’m trying to understand empathy and whether it’s normal to get so invested in fake characters, I mean it’s probably a testament to the writers but I overthink… a lot.
This question was bright on as I’ve been catching up on The Blacklist and at lunch today watching Season 8 Episode name “Anne “ and it wrecked me.
Tap for spoiler
Basically the main character Red has to live a guarded life and for once he let it form and got close to Anne and you could tell shit was going to go downhill and it destroyed me when you think about it from his or her perspective.
For reference I’m 41 year old dude, not that it matters.
Edit: Bedtime for me but back tomorrow to reply to all.
Edit 2: I’ve got 41 comments to respond to. Currently working but I’ll be back y’all.
Yeah buddy, it’s normal to feel your feelings.
I guess I grew up with people without feelings as when I raised with this my closest friends (5), none of them admitted to it. I know they could lie but I also don’t know how invested they get in to media.
They might be, they might not be. It’s entirely possible that they don’t interact with any media that contains emotions past shooting a gun. I’ve cried to music, movies, and books. Art (paintings, sculptures, etc) I’ve never had that reaction.
I think you’re on to something about them not really focusing on the same kind of media I gravitate towards, complex characters with a moral grey area.
Trying to think if I’ve cried over a book, the most emotional I can recall is the Steig Larsson millennium trilogy, but not sure if I cried was more psyched up for the story.
Art. Never, music lyrics yes but not musical pieces like classical which I listen to a lot. Going to try opera soon so maybe there. I can see people crying at art but I don’t think I understand art enough to even get to that level of emotional connection.
I wouldn’t say it’s normal but it definitifly should be.
I’m a dude in his 40s. If anything, I’ve gotten more empathetic and easily moved over the years. I have cried at movies and over books.
Same. For the longest time I was made to believe that crying in front of people was weak. Especially, when those tears came from entertainment. Then I watched Schindler’s List and bawled like a fucking baby at the end when…
Tap for spoiler
Schindler starts pointing out all the possessions he still had, which he could have bartered to save more Jews and the overwhelming support from the ones he did save comforting him.
It fundamentally changed who I was and what I was willing to show emotion for, especially empathy. I found that any movie based on actual events, that ended tragically, would illicit a similar response.
It was only after years of therapy and the support of wonderful people in my life that I learned to feel that deeply for any media with resonating characters. Elon said empathy is a human weakness, but he’s never been so wrong. It’s the only thing that binds us together.
I often tear up from scenes from movies and tv. Yet basically never do for anything in real life.
I was listening to an NPR story the other day about how a ton of people showed up to donate blood to save an infant, and only one was a match, but it was anonymous, now the kid is a healthy 20yr old and the mom can’t thank the person who saved them. It had my eyes all mushy on my commute home.
Yet, I had a cousin, and an uncle pass within the last few months and while I was sad, and I miss them, not a tear generated.
I’m the same way. My wife actually gives me shit for it because she doesn’t understand how I can’t have more feelings for those around me. I don’t think I’d shed a tear or even feel that emotional for anyone in my extended family dying. Just my wife and kids. Makes me question if there’s something wrong with me.
She can tell me some sad real life story and it doesn’t affect me. But movies, shows, books, and games can have me tear up or bawling.
Same here. When my grandfather, who I was very close with, passed away, I never cried. But I bawled like a baby at Toy Story 3.
I think it’s the soundtrack. If someone had told me about my grandfather while some emotional string music swelled, I probably would have cried.
Yea the bagpipes playing Amazing Grace gets me for some reason. If they played that at a funeral I might cry.
Probably due to how I grew up, I don’t often feel like it’s… right? Reasonable? for me to cry for personal things. But I can cry for others, for whatever reason. Showed my kids Pixar’s Up for the first time the other day, and we got to the scene near the end where Carl finds some of the messages his wife left him. My kids are still fairly young, and were trying to figure out what was going on in that scene. They also didn’t understand at first why my voice sounded so weird…
I do. 25M. For movies, lyrics, stories… Can be most casual things for most people. But I detected some special meaning and I have tears in my eyes. I for some reason got more and more emotional since I was 18. Not sure why though. I hope anyone has some kind of ideas.
I find this strange since I do not consider myself very empatic. And I also consider word empathy cringe since it is often misused to demonize political opponents.
Yeah lyrics is another one I forgot to mention. It’s shocking how many people listen to songs but they don’t listen to the words.
I too am intrigued as to why it seems to have made you more emotional since 18 and hope we get some good responses here.
Interesting that you don’t consider yourself empathetic as I think I have too much at times and it’s a detriment to my own wellbeing.
Sounds like a right freak saying I have too much empathy but I didn’t know how to word it. I guess too much relative to the people I grew up with and my family, that sounds better.
I think I can enable or disable my empathy. I could say cold hearted to a person to stop crying and do the right thing. I could even hit a child as a punishment if that were any useful. and give them a better life because of that (it does not work, so I won’t). I am not sure if that even is the real definition of empathy.
But this feeling cannot be empathy since it is does not have to involve relating to another being. It could be some deep and meaningful idea or point or moral of a story. Those usually get me the most.
Am 41 y/o dude not that it matters
It does matter because a 41 y/o dude is also allowed to have and express emotions.
I have cried over so much made up shit
Seems we’re all in good company here, my fellow stoner. Although I tend not to fuck sharks, I’m a dolphin man.
CW: gross sexual comment
The dolphin pussy juice hits different I will concur
Definitely in good company 😂
The older I get, the more I don’t give a fuck and just let go. Interstellar - when Cooper is watching messages from his son… Gets me every damn time.
And books.
If the story and characters are well written and/or acted well enough to pull you in to the story you can certainly feel empathy and other feelings vicariously.
There is plenty of entertainment that does not pull the viewer/reader in, and you don’t particularly get “involved” with them.
I’d be curious what the line is for most people, what draws them in to a story emotionally to make that investment in a fictional character.
I didn’t for most of my life. Just in the last year, there have been a few movies to just get my tears rolling.
The two recent ones that hit hard were Everything, Everywhere All At Once and of all things, 101 Dalmatians. Just something about the way they’re drawn and the amount of care in every scene made the dogs feel so much more real than modern animation and the sad scenes just cut through.
Few people have said this, I guess it makes sense that you can empathise more as you get older as you’ve experienced more, maybe I don’t know.
I really need to bump everything, everywhere, all at once up my to watch list as I never hear bad things.
Sadly 101 is another I’ve not seen. I’ll add it. Only started watching movies probably a couple of years ago do I’ve got lots of classics to catch up with.
Also 41 yo dude here, crying on movies, nah, I cry on books too, not that I’m invested in those fake characters, rather I take their situations as my own, daydreaming about me in their shoes
Interesting. Could it not be said if you’re putting yourself in the shoes of characters, then you must be invested? Like you’ve invested time, emotion, and empathy for the situation.
I tear up at most movies. It’s not a sad movie, but Everything Everywhere All at Once holds the current record for most cries.
Generally if a movie doesn’t make me tear up at least once that’s a bad sign. At the same time I don’t gravitate towards tearjerkers, they can feel emotionally manipulative and heavy handed.
I almost never cry for TV shows or books.
i can cry on demand by recalling a certain moment in that movie
Yes, of course it’s normal. It’s not necessarily the writing; sometimes it’s the music or cinematography that’ll get you. For me it’s often a strong vocal, as a minimum I’ll get goosebumps.
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I feel like there’s a term for it, but I can’t recall it now - it seems like after you have kids, emotional impacts in media can also start to hit a lot harder. I’m not sure if there’s some empathetic response that tends to get strengthened or what, but my wife and I both have things we either can’t watch anymore or don’t process the same way. Like, I decided to start rewatching Star Trek: DS9 a few years ago (a year or two into fatherhood) and got wrecked by the scenes in the first episode where the captain relives losing his wife.
Damn, UP nearly killed me! I mean, he loses Elli (yes, i know that name and it made it hit doubly hard) AND the dog?
(Also, there seems to be an updog joke hidden somewhere in here, but I can’t seem to find it.)
Guess it is too hard to pick a single scene from “Grave of the Fireflies”? That movie is basically an emotional gut punch from start to finish.
Aww man I’ve only seen one of these and I’m not even sure what 1 and 2 are from, but The Green Mile is another one I’ve sobbed my eyes out too.
We saying I need to watch The Lion King, Bambi?, and whatever the other two are.
I’ve been watching slot of movies recently as never really was a movie guy so I’ll add these to my perfectly legal media server.
The movie “Up” and “Harold and Maude”.
Yeah man, all the time, and for the stupidest shit. Everything from children’s series to grown-up movies. My wife sometimes side-eyes me for it, but she’s not much better herself and usually, when one of us cries the other one joins in. It’s become a cute thing between us to catch or make the other one do it first, and I love it. Also, it’s a way to teach my little son that it’s OK to cry and not a matter of shame. Yes, ugly cry as well. Yes, also in front of others.
For reference I’m a 39 year old dude, not that it matters.
EDIT because I saw it in the thread: Lyrics! I have songs that I can’t listen to while driving, because I can’t drive while I ugly cry because that wouldn’t be safe.
One thing that especially hits me are acts of selflessness, be it in fiction or the actual real world. We have semi-regular floods on the river meat where I live, and I usually try to volunteer to help out with sand barriers. And everytime just seeing all those people coming together in their free time, getting wet and dirty and sweaty and exhausted, not expecting a single thing, just because it’s the right thing to do and because apparently we look after one another in this 600k people city… Just typing it out makes me tear up again.
Big same on the acts of selflessness. Especially over the last few years…
