You gotta admit this post is a little ironic.
I’m aware of the irony 😅
I guess it stumps me a lot when people criticise my very communication itself, and I feel like it freezes any ability to respond in a constructive way. “You have an answer for everything” makes it seem like any answer I could give to that would just be met the same way, so it’s like I need to think outside the box in order to even know how to respond to that, or if a response is appropriate at all.
Well I think it can definitely be a reflexive response by someone who just doesn’t like being contradicted, but it could also be a feeling of “you aren’t trying to understand what I’m saying, you’re just trying to think of a way to counter it”. So it could be worth taking a moment to back up and taking a deeper look at what the person is trying to say.
I have a really annoying way of understanding things. I piece shit together bit by bit and guess at the answer before I’m told. It comes off very interrogative. Even when I’m wrong my attempts to understand seem like I’m being antagonistic. I try to explain to some people how I’m trying to fix the underlying assumptions that led me wrong.
Some people won’t respond well and it’s really difficult for me to accept that there isn’t a way to mediate both of us being happy.
My mother is like that (and her mother was), at least from what you describe.
The result is, she constant interrupts my speech with guesses what I’m about to say. It’s incredibly aggravating especially because I have a speech impediment exactly because of their constant interruptions when I was a kid. And somewhat funnily, she always guesses wrong. Never right. Every time.
And the interrogative tone is there too, tho that’s harder to describe.
So I can’t talk to people like that, and may get hostile very quickly if I see such behaviour. Tho I’ve not met many people that do it.
If your brain works that way, at least try to not talk like that. I used to have similar patterns just due to having them learned, and had to unlearn.
/edit cause I’m cold and my brain doesn’t work either and this stupid keyboard keeps bugging out, fuck this
I know when I’m doing it and make sure other conversants are fine with it. I’ve tried to show more curious and inquisitive looks and verbally explain myself. If it annoys someone I know to calm myself. I’ve had a lot of years to learn and my best friends tend to work the same way.
Very accurate indeed.
Ask yourself why you feel the need to get the last word, or be right? Ask yourself how important a topic is and gauge your audience, do they really need to hear about what your going to say for the next few minutes? Many times something that is said was never said with the forethought that a response would even happen.
Often times people are having emotional conversations, not factual conversations, it can be hard to tell the difference.
You learn the most when your mouth is not moving.
I think what a lot of people mean by that is “you always have to make other people feel as if they’re wrong”
Pretty much, if you are like the “average redditor” guy’s videos, then people aren’t going to like you, even if you are technically correct.
There are also plenty of people who know a lot about adjacent subjects, think that they are correct all of the time, and are confidently wrong. Both kinds of people suck to be around.
If 1 person has said something in this vein to me, I would not think much of it, if 2 or more people said it, then I would really take a hard look at myself and how I can better empathize with people.
They’re implying you’re difficult.
Not every conversation has to be a competition.
Like in the Walking Dead games… Silence is a valid option.
“Yes, I know. And experientially it is horrifying to recognize how wrong all of you are all the time. It is a living nightmare.”
Sheldon?
If this is true for anyone, they need to change their circumstances.
The reminder of:
“If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.” - Elmore Leonard
Think why people say that.
It may be a) you really do act like that, or b) you talk to people who don’t like to discuss or learn things.
It can be both. Maybe you talk to the wrong people, but still come off as preachy.
So if someone tells you that, ask what they mean.
Take their concerns seriously, but not necessarily literally.
Maybe they’re accurately describing something you do. Maybe not.
Do you try to continue conversations when the other person is trying to disengage? That’s an actual thing that many people do; maybe that includes you. Try different approaches, like “Hmm, I still disagree, but I don’t need to continue talking about this either” — or just noticing whether it’s really important to you to press the subject, and whether the other person is receptive.
Pay attention to the other person’s discomfort there. Even if you’re right and even if it’s important, if someone is tired of hearing your opinion, they’re not going to change their mind.
Even if they’re not accurately describing you, they’re still describing what you seem like to them, at that moment. They may be insecure about their own understanding or judgment, and feel like you have more power than them in the situation, and that you’re using it poorly. (But the one thing not to do to an insecure person is to call them insecure.)
One thing they’re almost certainly not trying to do, is to escalate the argument to the meta-level of arguing about how good or bad you are at arguing.
If it’s a loved one, maybe they don’t want an argument; maybe they want a hug. (Ask.)
Yep, 90+% of any conversation is about how you’re making the other person feel, not about any actual content of the words being said.
And if anyone just read that and thought “bullshit, that’s stupid and illogical,” I have some bad news for you about how brains work. (Also: I used to think like that too.)
Our ancestors used their mouths to make emotional noises long before they used their mouths to express logical propositions.
We can never do just one thing with language. Every time we’re making a factual statement, we’re also saying something about our mood, and our relationship to our audience, and so on. That’s just part of what language does.
Take the Keane Reeves approach to having a relaxed life - don’t have any arguments, to paraphrase him “Two plus two equals five? OK great, have a nice day, see you around!”
“Ok”.
“You only seems to ask stupid questions.”
“I only happen to always be right when it involves you.”
“I grant you the last word.”
I know, thank you.
Don’t. Stop talking, turn and walk away, never say another work to them. Will piss them off to no end.
I remember someone saying that and how much it hurt. Because I feel if I know the answer, I am compelled to share it. I see it as a need on their side that I should fulfill. I am a “how can I fix it” mentality. But some people are complaining or speaking just to be heard. They want commiseration, not answers.
If it’s someone close to you, then speak about it — “I’m sorry, I thought you wanted an answer or suggestion, I feel I should provide if I can. Is that not what you’re looking for?”
If it’s someone else, whose opinion is not necessary, you can make a mental note to let them have their delusions, just maybe not with you around.
my experience with being called a ‘know-it-all’ is entirely from calling shit talking liars on their shitty little lies they want to spread.
examples include ‘obama was a muslim’, ‘trump’s a great businessman’, ‘conservatives are for small government and freedom of speech’ etc.
present them with evidence that not only contradicts their thesis but refutes it completely and suddenly ‘you’re such a know it all!’
lolol
There are basically two main possibilities:
- They’re unreasonable.
- You’re unreasonable.
If it’s the first one, it doesn’t really matter how you respond. The best policy is to avoid dealing with people like that as much as possible.
If it’s the second one then you should work on trying to fix it. That’s the best way to respond.
I feel like I’m the reasonable one, but I understand how I might come across as pompous by maintaining that position (I don’t know if it’s possible not to). I like to think about a hypothetical situation where a person was right all the time, and whether they would be penalised for that somehow. I’m not saying that’s the case, but it’s like these people leave no room for the possibility that maybe a person is just right consistently, or in a particular extended set of circumstances (that they’re challenging you on), and like they believe that you must be automatically wrong in every 2 or 3 cases or something like that.
Just because you are right, doesn’t mean you are relevant or the other person is wrong.
Being right feels good no? Imagine being told your wrong all the time by the same person. Thats how they feel. Unless its a matter of life or limb, just let people be wrong sometimes.
Take the criticism. I usually find that when people I deal with daily say something about me that it isnt out of nowhere.
Shrug silently
